The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

Casio QS-16

"He said to tell you he loves you."

Sirius's jaw shifted as he forced emotions to stay in.

"And he knows you love him, too," James said gently.

Remus suddenly got up and paced away, ducking into the kitchen.

Sirius hung his head. "He said?" Sirius murmured. He looked up at James.

James nodded.

"Like Snuffles," Sirius barely breathed.

James nodded again.

Sirius's eyes closed tightly shut and his grip on Lily doubled.

James saw their hands clutching and he could see Lily just itching to talk to Sirius, so he got up. "I'll go check on Remus." He trotted out of the room, following after Remus, who had made his way clear out the kitchen door and into the little area Lily had already started calling her garden, where he was shrugging his way into the sleeves of Sirius's leather jacket with shaking hands and tears positively streaming.

"Stealing a man's leather goods is never the way to go, Moony."

Remus looked up, then reached into Sirius's pocket, rummaged a moment, and came up triumphant with one or Sirius's cigarette packs.

"Oh gods yes," James said, and he followed Remus further out into the back yard before he stopped and lit the tip of his cigarette.

"You never smoke," James noted as Remus shook a second cigarettes out of the pack and handed one to James.

"Yeah, well, it's been a particularly terrible few days," Remus answered. But he also didn't light it.

James nodded. He took a long inhale of his own cigarette and puffed out his cheeks, holding the smoke in his mouth before letting it back out again.

Remus watched in silence a moment as the smoke streamed out of James Potter and into the night and James closed his eyes. Remus could see the weight of a thousand things hanging onto James, weighing him down.

"James?"

"Moony?"

"Let go."

"What?" he turned to look at Remus, but before he could, Remus had tucked the cigarette he wasn't smoking over one ear and reached down to rub the tension in James's shoulders, his hands on his shoulders and his thumb on the back of his neck and kneading the tension that sat there, practically visible on James's skin. James breathed in sharply in surprise. Remus didn't usually initiate a lot of physical touch, and it was the sort of feeling that hurts at first, then the muscle tension goes out and it just feels incredibly good so James sort of went stiff at first, then felt his whole body unclench and relax a bit. Remus kept at it as they stood there, and James continued his cigarette, staring off across the field behind the house toward the pond and the trees afar off.

"Did I tell Regulus that it would've been better for Sirius if he actually died?" Remus asked.

"No," James said.

"Did I start to?"

There was a long pause.

"He knew how it ended, though."

"He was a smart kid," James murmured.

Remus nodded.

"Which is why I am sure he knew you didn't mean it."

Remus said, "I don't know why I said it. I was just so frustrated... Sirius has been such a wreck these last few months... you lot don't see the whole of it, there's stuff I see in him that you lot don't..."