Too Much Confidence

On the Edge

"Hyung!"

Jin stopped, terrified. Jimin came sidling up to him, a small smile on his face. Jin had learned these days that look could mean many different things. One, it could mean that Jimin was actually going to be nice to him. He might say lovely things to him that would make Jin feel secure again.

Or it could mean that Jimin was going to do the same kinds of things that the others were doing. Jin would be sweared at, slammed against the wall, threatened at, etc. It was so exhausting.

It wasn't just Jimin, all of them seemed to have this split personality. Sometimes they would be sugary sweet, but other times, the sweetness would turn into an ant infestation. Jin didn't know what to believe. Was he supposed to hate the others, be scared of them, like them, or what? It was all so confusing.

"What is it?" Jin asked. He made sure to keep his voice low. If he made it go too high, the others would accuse him of being fake and trying too hard.

There Jin went again, changing himself to fit everyone's preferences. If only there was someone he could be himself around!

But then again, who was he, really? Everything that he'd always been was the image of the perfect person, according to everyone else. He didn't really know who he himself was. He didn't know if he was loud or quiet, confident or insecure, into sports or into fashion... he just kind of went along with what everyone else wanted.

"I wanted to ask you something. Have a real heart to heart, if you will."

Jimin's words caught him by surprise. Talk? Why would anyone want to talk to him?

Jin shrugged. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Just us. And what's been going on with you."

Something went off in Jin's head. Wasn't it the others who had started this whole mess? Why was he the one being blamed? He swallowed deeply, trying to ignore all his emotions that were going on. He had to always be polite. It was okay if the others weren't. After all, there were six of them and one of him.

"Sure," he mumbled.

"Okay, tonight. After practice. The two of us will go to my room and talk."

Something wasn't sounding right. Jin gulped. That's all he could do. He had no other option - he had to agree.

"Why are you all doing this to me?" Jin asked suddenly. His thoughts had made him bold.

Jimin frowned. He hadn't expected these questions to come out of Jin's mouth. He was still too confident for his own good. There was still a lot of work to do.

"I can't believe that these kinds of questions even come to your mind. You're being serious right now? I didn't know you were this stupid."

Jin had nothing to say in reply. He wasn't ready to start going after anyone. There was only so far he was willing to go. He wasn't confident enough yet.

Instead, he just watched quietly as Jimin nodded at him and left. He was left alone with a sickly feeling in his chest.

Something bad was going to happen.

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The others seemed to ignore him today. Jin sat awkwardly next to them, pretending that his phone was oh, so interesting. The last thing that he needed was the staff members getting involved.

It was weird. But he almost preferred being hated on then ignored. At least he knew then that his presence had some value. But now he was just pushed aside, as if he was just a forgotten chess pawn in the old box. The others talked together. They were like the closest of friends. He had just been thrown into this group just because.

Jin felt sick. He wanted to disappear.

He just wanted to die.

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Jin crumpled against Jimin's bedframe. Within a moment, the door creaked open and Jimin stepped in. He had that small grin on his face again.

After the whole day of being ignored, being acknowledged felt like being next to the gods. Jin's worth felt like it had exploded in value.

"Hyung," Jimin said.

Jin swallowed.

"Hyung, do you want me to start? Or should you start?"

Jin opened his mouth, then closed it again. He literally had nothing to say. He had done nothing wrong.

Jimin didn't wait for an answer.

"Hyung, this is so stupid. I don't understand why you're being this way. Why are you so affected by all this stuff? You deserve this treatment. You deserve to be treated badly. You're literally the most boring, mind-numbing to ever exist. I don't think I've ever heard you say anything remotely entertaining. You're boring."

He droned on and on. Jin blinked, unable to keep up. The thoughts of running away came back with full force. He couldn't keep up with what everyone wanted anymore. He never had been able to, but now he had gone off the edge.

Jimin kept going. "Wouldn't you bully someone who was lame? Maybe you wouldn't, because you yourself are lame. But we would. I would. So we are."

Jin just sat there. He wished that he'd said something. He was so stupid sometimes. He could feel, somewhere, anger was bubbling up inside of him. But his mind fought against it. It reminded him to always stay polite. Even if the others said whatever they wanted against him, he would never retaliate.

The reasons behind this choice didn't exist. It was just something that had been coded into him.

"Am I... lame? he finally asked, lifting his head.

Jimin had his back to him. He was rummaging around in his bag for something. Jin's question went unanswered for a moment. Jin heard Jimin gasp in relief when he found what he was looking for.

Jin glanced at Jimin quizzically. Jimin was smiling again. But it was so different from the smile given to the cameras.

"What do you think?"

"I don't-"

Jin's words cut out when he saw what was in Jimin's hands. A knife.

When Jimin started stalking towards him, he closed his eyes tightly. So this was how it was all going to end.

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thanks for being patient!

1039 words