Within Time's Cracks

166

remember when i tried to cuddle up to you

and you told me i was too heavy?

i do.

remember when you yelled at me

for wanting to buy clothes that i needed?

i do.

remember when you told me no man would want me

because i'm too fat?

i do.

remember when you complained about how hard it would be

to find a husband for me?

i do.

remember when you kept on yelling at me

even after i cried?

i do.

remember when you uploaded a video of me (even though i told you not to even record)

and shared it with everyone even though i told you not to?

i do.

remember when you hurt me then cried

and i had to comfort you (more than once)?

i do.

the thing about you is that

you apologized

not because you understand what you're doing is wrong

but because you want this conflict to stop

you will never feel guilty

because you think you're in the right

you think everything you're doing

is right

and right now

i am a bubble of repressed rage

a childish sulky motherfucker

that's cried three times this year

and it's all

your

fault

i will never accept your touch

your hug

your love

i will respect you

i will listen to you

but i will

never

ever

trust you

and my love for you is conditional

forced

situational

i will forever flinch at your touch

because i know exactly who you are