Free Me

chapter thirteen

The slightest touch against her skin made Rose weaken all over once more. The steely exterior which she had tried to build so effortlessly during her time alone had been scattered to the wind.

''You couldn't bear to be here with me, could you?''

Jack parted his lips to speak but all of his senses took flight of his body. Just a thin towel separated him from Rose's completely bare body. Words simply couldn't thread together in his head any longer. His breathe came out in a rushed whisper, his saddened eyes went to the floor.

''No.''

Rose wanted to recoil from his touch at the answer but she couldn't. It was as though they were joined there; with his hand at her cheek. He was tormented, she could see that and in turn wanted to pull the devil out of him. She was cold, her damp hair was now tumbling down her back with some of her lively curls restored from the mountain of straw which they once were. The towel had turned wet, soaking all of the water from her body and beneath her feet the floor boards were sodden.

''Why?''

As soon as Jack's gaze was on her once more; she knew the entire contents of them. The fear inside of her melted away and it was replaced by such a fire that it caught her mid breathing. The heat within the blue which pinned her to the spot, breathless and weak was incredible.

''Because to be with you, like this, is what I feared.''

With his hand still at her cheek, he moved it down to her nape and pulled her so that their foreheads were together, her clammy skin held his dampened coat as though letting go would kill her.

''Are you scared now that you are?''

''Terrified.'' A single chuckle escaped his mouth, but it stopped as soon as he saw how her own eyes flared. His own voice was coarse.

Shakily, her fingers went to the top of his coat, to the collar and slid them beneath it. It was his turn to recoil from her own touch. The truth was right there in his eyes, as she watched his reaction to the touch of her own hand. It slid down Jack's arms as she pushed it off his shoulders and he allowed it to fall down. His shirt was open at the top but she pulled her hands back to her own chest for fear of touching the part where she was sure his heart would beat for her in such a way no one else ever did.

''Are you scared of making love to me?''

Rose was timid, pulling herself backwards from Jack. She was insecure. The list of imperfections which her Mother would scrutinise was endless; she would burn in the sun, the freckles on her arms, a scar on her left knee, stretchmark's on her waist from rapid growth at such a young age and the breasts which she never felt fully fitted her body. But Jack had kissed her, stirring a desire which she had never felt or known about. The urge to be fully exposed to him was exhilarating. She wanted to shed her identity, for she was no longer a child but a young woman.

She wasn't the first girl he had seen naked and her body wasn't the first he'd touch but she knew he felt the longing too. Was he nervous? She sensed so. No words were needed as she tiptoed closer to him. Their eyes met but the exchange spoke volumes; he was nervous. She watched his breathing stop for a split second as she adjusted the towel across her chest. The smallest of her movements made Jack intensely watch her through such curious eyes. There, beneath his stare, Rose realised was the place where she was the most protected and the most vulnerable.

''I am opening up to you. Standing here with my heart in my hands.''

There, she had offered him literally everything. There was the part of her which one didn't know existed until this second. Opening herself up to be hurt, to be loved. ''I am tired of being fragile, Jack. I am not. I am not a young girl any more, I am--'' she wanted to continue, but she didn't know what the contents of the sentence would be. What was she? Somewhere between the old and the new. The past and the present. Mid struggle between her bodily urges to give herself to him and then to recoil.