I need you, I need you, I need you

chapter 93-learn to fly

Rachel's p/v
"Yes, and-"
I enter the classroom. Everyone's heads turn towards me. Haven't they seen a girl 20 minutes late to class?"
"Rachel, you're late. I'm going to have to give you detention."
"Do it, see if I care."
"You're clearly not in the right headspace. I won't give you detention if you go to the counselor's office-"
"I actually rather kill myself than talk to that bitch again."
Everyone gasps. I cross my arms.
"Well then, you have detention for the rest of the week. I will be notifying the principle. Take a seat anywhere, we're working in groups."
I sit in the far back. Tyler and Declan rush over to me.
"What was that, Rachel? Are you out of your fucking mind?"
"Oh, go fuck yourself, Declan. You wouldn't get it even if you tried."
"Because you won't let me. What's going on?"
"Declan, let's just give Rachel some space. It's the best we can do right now."
"No, I'm not going to abandon her-"
"We're not abandoning her, just giving her what she wants. When she's ready to talk she'll talk."
"Ok. Let's get back to work then."
Declan and Tyler walk back to their seats. I tear up. Why am I being so mean to them? Why can't I stop?
"Rachel, are you feeling alright? Do you need to use the bathroom?"
I nod. The teacher gives me a hug and rubs my back. I get up and walk out of the classroom.

Good, there's no one in here. Ok, what the actual fuck is wrong with me? I lashed out on my angel, my literal angel. I lashed out on Declan too. I swear I wasn't thinking. But I just never think huh? Maybe Mads was right for beating me up. I need a couple of blows to the head to fix my attitude.

If ending my life isn't the way to end the suffering, then what's the way? I shouldn't be so scared to confine in Darry. But he's given me no reason to trust him. I just want to scream at him and get him to understand why I can't accept Mary. He won't even defend me so why should I think he'll defend me against Quinn and Mads? It's always "what did you do". At least Tyler asks what they do to me. He thinks I'm so sweet but that's just far from the truth. There is just no way around this.

Mary's p/v
"Rachel's behavior shocked me. I just hope she's doing alright."
"You're too kind for this world, Mary. After everything she has done you still wish her well."
"Of course. You should've been there, Jonathan. Even Tyler and Declan couldn't comfort her."
"Hey guys." Nina says with Jenna right beside her.
"Hi. Is everything ok with Kiker, Jenna?"
"Yeah. Don't worry about it." She half smiles. Nina pats her back.
"Sorry, Jenna. I thought I was helping."
"I'm not mad at you, just worn out about the entire thing. Kiker is very stubborn."
"Hm, sounds like someone here." Jonathan looks at me.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm the realest of the real."
"Hey guys."
"Darry!" I get up from the bench and hug him.
"Don't you have first brunch?"
"Yeah, but I have to deal with some issues at the office. What happened in math, Mary?"
I pull away. "Wish I had an answer. Rachel was incredibly rude. You don't know what's wrong?"
"No clue. Where's Declan?"
"Have you guys seen Rachel?"
"What kind of boyfriend are you, Tyler? You don't know where Rachel is?"
"She disappeared, Darry! I'm just as confused as you."
"No wonder she disappeared. From you surely."
"From me? Why do you say that?"
"You clearly had something to do with it."
"Me? You're the reason Rachel is mad. Jasmine pointed it out this morning."
"Wait, what? Rachel is mad at me?"
"Yes! Before you go pointing fingers why don't you fact check? Now if you excuse me, I need to go find Rachel. She shouldn't be alone, fuck giving her space." Tyler walks away. Darry starts going after him but I pull him back.
"Let Tyler talk to Rachel first. If you actually have something to do with this then it's best that you let her vent to Tyler first. You'll hear from her soon."
Darry crosses his arms. I give him a side hug.
"Meanwhile, let's go find Ben's new Instagram account. You said he deleted it, Mary?" Jenna asks.
"Yeah.  He wants nothing to do with me."
"Then why are we even trying to find him? Just let it go dude."
"We are not having this conversation again, Jonathan. You're either with me or you're not."
"Obviously I'm with you. I just think it's a waste of time."
"We'll find his account, don't worry." Darry brings me closer to him.
"I hope you're right. I desperately need the closure."