𝑪𝑹𝒀 𝑴𝑬 𝑨 𝑹𝑰𝑽𝑬𝑹 (18+)

thirty-two • fear

River.

I slept like shit last night.

So desperate for an ounce of relief or an answer from God I found Liza for help, a woman who believed in herbal alternatives to cure a persistent dose of insomnia. She'd given me lavender tea with a drop of melatonin. A cure she swore by but instead of being out in five minutes I tossed and turned all night while the sound of rain pelting my window laughed at my restlessness.

I was too worried about Dean to get any sleep and I feared I'd be deprived if he didn't answer me soon. They touched down in Colorado around eight and while I sent him a few texts wishing him good luck this morning he didn't answer any of them.

I tried not to worry or take offense. Going back to the place that nearly ruined him would make anyone go silent. That coupled with the fact that he wanted nothing to do with his father's company—he was probably halfway through a pack of cigarettes by now. A habit I hoped I could get him to break before it killed him.

I rolled over in bed and grabbed my phone to check my messages. There was still nothing from Dean, but I had a few pictures from Nate's mom of the baby and I made sure to heart every last one. She was perfect and every time I saw her she seemed to get bigger and bigger. She'd been asking when I was going to visit them again for the past few days now and while I wanted to see her and the baby I didn't want to see Nate. Things were going well and I knew in my heart his compliance meant he was planning something much bigger but for now, I was enjoying the silence. I'd deal with my punishment after the fact.

"River?" My mother gently knocked on my door before pushing it open. I shoved my phone under my pillow and pretended that I'd just woken up. "Yes, Mom?" I asked her. Sometimes I looked just like her and other days I looked just like my father. Today I looked just like her and it made me sick to my stomach. My mother was beautiful but that beauty was skin-deep. Inside she was ugly, flawed, and I wanted to look nothing like her.

"I got you a pack of those sodas you seem to like. Your father he—he's not in the best of moods this morning so I advise you to stay in your room or stay away from the house for a few hours maybe even all day. Perhaps a trip to the church would be good?" I heard footsteps behind her and she quietly closed the door before my father could make it up the steps. I heard the lock click and I sat up on my bed.

"Is everything alright?" She was making me anxious and I already felt like I was going to be sick.

"Do not question me. Get bathed, get dressed, and leave. I fear you staying might not even be an option." I wanted to roll my eyes, "Fine I'll go to the church. It's been a while since I've seen pastor Lowel anyways."

I swore she almost smiled, "good choice. He'll be in his study for a time. I suggest you leave quickly." She snuck out of my room after that and I wasted no time ripping my clothes off to take a quick shower. I could hear him just behind the tile. Tearing through his study like he'd lost something. I'd only seen him like that once before and because it happened to be one of the scariest moments of my life I got out of the shower five minutes later, put on any clothes I could find, and drove down to the church without a word to my mother.

Sometimes I wondered what a day in her life felt like. If she felt like she was walking on eggshells whenever she was alone with him. I knew what it felt like to be so afraid of him you didn't want to breathe and that's when the guilt settled in. She couldn't run and while most days neither could I today she decided to save me from the mess they both created. I just hoped she wasn't counting on me to save her first.

"River? I wasn't expecting you today." Pastor Lowel stood from the front pew and took in my appearance. My hair was soaking wet and my clothes didn't match but I was out of that house and that was all that mattered.