State of Love and Trust |Eddie Vedder

Product Of Poor Choices

Since the rekindling between Eddie and I, I have been receiving looks from both Stevie and Chris. I'm not sure what I am missing but it was something noticeable to them. I couldn't take it anymore. "Why are you two looking at me like that?" I threw my hands up dramatically. Chris smirked and was the first to break, "So what is going on between you and Eddie?" I knotted my brows. Stevie sighed and sat further up from the couch. "Lennon stop playing stupid. We saw you two last night during the movie. You two ended up sharing a blanket and you ended up leaning your head against his arm!" I couldn't help but giggle at her sounding frustrated. Last night was good but nothing happened. Eddie was a complete gentleman and we both behaved ourself. "I do not know what you two want me to say. There is literally nothing going on between us." Tried explaining but their looks told me that they didn't believe a word I had to say.

I got up from the adjacent couch and grabbed some coins, making my way towards the front door. The moment I opened it, I was greeted with Eddie who was just about to knock. Both Stevie and Chris whipped their heads around and watched us closely from over the couch. Idiots. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I couldn't help but smile at him. Something about him just sparked the emotion and my body wakes up from within. This man didn't do a thing and yet has done everything. Smiling back, he casted his eyes down for a moment. "I figured to come over and hangout for a bit before tonight. Nervous?"

That's right. Tonight we were performing and now that I was reminded, I did find myself a bit nervous. "Just a little." I stepped aside and allowed Eddie inside, waving at both Stevie and Chris before joining them. I looked to the quarters in my hand and was reminded what I was doing. "Be right back, have to make a call." Closing the door behind me and made my way towards the payphone. I stopped myself in mid reach when dread over came me. The feeling was so intense that I shook my head and made the choice to dial another number, one that I knew would cheer me up.

"Lennon is that you?" My Aunt Laura's voice came through. Gosh how I missed her already. "Hey Aunt Laura. I miss you!" I could hear her laugh and I knew that she was doing alright without me. "I miss you too sweetheart. How are you enjoying Seattle?" Gosh, where do I even start? I tried explaining on everything that has been going on, including my performance tonight. "That is so exciting Lennon! I wish I could see you up there baby but know that I am so proud of you. I know how much music means to you, even if it's just a small show in a tiny bar." I thanked her and could feel my anxiety for tonight begin to lift a little.

I quickly turned towards Chris' door, making sure no one was randomly walking out. "I met someone." I breathed. I'm not sure in why I was sharing this even if it was my Aunt who I knew always wanted what was best for me. "What about Jamie?" I'm sure she could hear me sighing, I wasn't really hiding my annoyance. "Lennon, you have been in the same relationship since you were in high school. Doing the same thing everyday. Jamie is a great kid but I pushed you to go on this trip for a reason. I wanted you to actually do something for you and not what others want you do to, including Jamie. I wanted you to go out into the world and discover what it is that you want before you make the mistake of marrying Jamie." Did she really think that marrying Jamie would be a huge mistake?

"Well, I am discovering that's for sure. I met a man, someone who actually makes me feel something. Eddie is completely different from Jamie. Mysterious but reek's confidence, like he knows what he wants and will take it without having to ask." I could feel my heart skip a beat when thinking of Eddie and those blue eyes of his. My Aunt stayed quiet till I was done, "Does Eddie make you feel happy?" Was all she asked. I wanted to nod but remembered that she wouldn't have been able to see me. "He really does.." causing myself to giggle. "Then if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. This trip is about taking risks and finding who Lennon is. All I want is you to be happy baby." For some reason what she said had me tear up. Feeling a bit more confident in what I needed to do.