Silent Chaos| Matt Sturniolo

Chapter 14

               Somehow I got to get out of confronting my mother in the rooming due to me running late for school. However it was just a few hours before I had to go back home and face her and this time there was no way I was going to be able to escape it.

               I guess today's theme is going to be confrontations. Starting with myself.

               I like Matt.

                I think I've liked Matt for a while now and was just too afraid to come to terms with it. Because what does that even mean for me? Just because I have feelings doesn't mean I can act on them. Not now, not when everything I've ever known is in jeopardy of changing. I was used too change it never really scared me, but the one constant I've had in my life was them and the one thing I can't stand to change is what I have with them. The friendship it's real and I wanna keep it safe for as long as I can.

             I've never even had a crush before, not even on a celebrity. I wouldn't even know how to act. Because even though I'm trying to kill the butterflies, they are still there and there's nothing I could do about it. I like Matt, but he could never know about it.

             Lunch time rolled around and I knew it was time for me to confront Maya and tell her about how I feel. I wouldn't keep this from her, and even though I feel shit for this and for pushing her towards Matt only to have feelings. To put it quite bluntly: I'm a bitch. However, I knew Maya. Even when we just met, there was always something familiar about her. So I knew that she would forgive me, because it's what I would've done for her and we were so much alike it was kind of scary.

            "From start to finish, I want to know everything." Sasha says scooting into the chair next to me with her tray. Maya makes her way right after taking her seat in front of me.

             "Everything about what?" Maya asks curiously taking a bite of her apple. Sometimes we were so alike and other times not so much. She loved apples and yet I hated them.

            "That's actually insane what I wanted to talk to you about." I say nervously clacking my nails onto the table.

             "She likes Matt." Sasha blurts out as my eyes widen. I quickly shoved her and closed her mouth shut with a hand clapped to her mouth.

             "Sasha!" I scold her. See I knew it wasn't Sasha's fault. She probably assumed I already told Maya and since we three always tell each other everything it was just basic knowledge that everyone probably knows about everything and usually that was the case. Expect for this.

              "What?" Maya gawkes, placing her apple back on the tray in shock.

            "I wanted to tell you..." I start out not sure what her reaction is going to be. "I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear. For as long as I've known Matt he's always been my best friend, the boy I grew up with and I never ever seen that changing for me. But slowly my heart started to betray me."

"He makes my heart dance. Even if it's on aisle three of Walmart." I chuckle nervously at the memory. "He makes my heart laugh even if it just a second ago that my heart was screaming in agony. It's like if I ever have a bad day he's the only one who knows how to make it better. Not the mention the butterflies. God, the butterflies. I tried to kill them long before I even knew of them, and yet as each day passes more of them appear." I pause facing Maya as I grab her hands and place them in mine.

"I like him. I like him a lot." I tell her genuinely. "And I'm sorry that I pushed you together only for it to turn out like this. It seems evil, but I swear it was never my intention." I felt terrible, like something in me was going to eat me alive any second now.