𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃 (𝟏𝟖+)

Thirty-nine

''Then I should be lucky it's not you.''

I rolled my eyes. ''Why are you here?''

He sat down on the couch, made himself comfortable and stared at me. It didn't take me long to break eye contact. It was pure pressure I saw in his eyes, and I couldn't withstand it. Slowly, I sat across from him.

''Your parents knew all along?''

I took a sharp intake of breath. ''It was their idea.''

He blinked.

I nodded my head. ''When I regained consciousness in the hospital, it was my dad and the doctor only in the room with me. My dad was worried for years, couldn't sleep, and his health declined. But when he saw me in that state... he lost it. The doctor was his high school friend, and dad told him to pronounce me dead.''

''I checked for your pulse myself.''

A soft smile formed on my face. ''It was a drug of sorts. It brought my heart rate too low, so I was technically almost dead. My mom found out only once they brought me back, dad needed someone's reaction to be real. And after that, I was transported to the hospital in London, where I recovered.''

It was silent between us for a while.

''So, you made the choice after that not to come back?''

''Yes.'' I replied instantly. ''It was a hard decision, for sure. But dad's face haunts me to this day, and back then it was so vivid in my head. I thought Milo escaped and I couldn't put my parents through that again.''

A sarcastic laugh slipped past his lips. I held my head low, and there weren't any words that I could've said to make him feel better. I fucked up, I knew that, but at the same time, I didn't regret what I did. My only regret was doing it the way I did it.

''So what was your plan? Never come back to the States?''

''Pretty much.''

''Didn't you miss us?''

''Of course I did.'' I closed my eyes briefly. ''But at the same time, I couldn't simply come back. Soon enough, the pain and aching subsided and I was able to live.''

It was brutal, but it was true. He didn't need lies, nor stupid excuses.

''How were you able to live guilt-free for five fucking years?''

I tilted my head to the side, locking eyes with his. ''Who said it was guilt-free? You don't think it was easy for me to know that you all were mourning someone who was alive, or that your lives turned into a living hell after I left?''

Elijah's eyes widened. ''So, you knew and still stayed hidden?''

''I found out only after Cora had gotten sober, and I had to pull that information by force out of my parents. By the time I was aware of everything, Cora was no longer drinking and you were with Nina. There was nothing I needed to do. You got through it on your own.''

The silence was defeating. My heart sunk to my stomach at the sight of his glossy eyes. Lips thinned into a line as a lone tear slipped from the corner of his eye. It was as if someone had stabbed me, at least a thousand times, straight into my heart.

I didn't know what to do, what to say or how to act.

Elijah swallowed a lump in his throat, and slowly, I stood up.

I walked over to the door, my whole body trembling. I opened the door for him and looked down. He didn't move for what seemed eternity, until I finally heard his footsteps. Slowly, I smelled his perfume. It hit my nose harshly and I had to close my eyes to prevent myself from doing something utterly dumb.

He stopped right in front of me and took a small step forward.

I knew Elijah. Yes, we weren't dating five years ago, but I was always paying attention to him. His left eye twitched when he was angry, his vein on his neck popped out whenever he was flustered. And, the thing I knew the best were his eyes.

I made the biggest mistake, one I was either going to regret for the rest of my life, or it would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I looked up just as he took another step forward.

''Don't.'' I whispered.

''Don't what?''

''Don't do it.'' I managed to keep my voice steady, but the proximity was defeating.

''Don't do what?'' His whisper matched mine.

I took a sharp intake of breath. ''Don't do whatever is it you're thinking about.''

He tilted his head to the side. ''Why?''

I tried laughing it off, but he was still getting closer and closer to me. ''Because I might commit a murder soon.''

Elijah knew who I was referring to. For the first time in too long, I heard his laugh. It was just a perfect as it was, and it still made my heart skip a beat. ''You'll go to prison.''

I raised an eyebrow, feeling his body colliding with mine. ''I'm dead. I'm sure I'll be fine.''

''That's not the reason, is it?''

He knew me too well. I closed my eyes and hung my head low. It was as if I was suddenly possessed. My bottom lip trembled and I found the air thicken around me. It was getting harder and harder to breathe as it was him and him only I could smell with every intake of breath I took.

His thumb was on my chin, slowly bringing my head up. Tears immediately streamed down my face, and I saw his eyes getting red, too. It was a fucked up situation, too much for both of us to handle. Yet, there we were, standing in front of each other, waiting for the other one to utter the words that were going to change our lives.

I finally responded.

''Because if you do it, I might never let you go this time.''