How its done

Chapter 8

This is more like a filler but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting. I wrote this for you, hope you enjoy it.

Happy reading! :)

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Maybe it's the way I am. Maybe that's the way I have to live my life. To experience all the bitter days before something good comes out. You know, I'll never understand the concept of life, maybe later because right now, it seems like after all my seventeen years of being human, I still don't know a lot I should have known. I haven't felt genuine happiness for so long, I have never experienced the perfect family like most people out there. I have never even used my talents for anything all my life. I mean what is this? Am I in a box because if life's a box that shields every single positive thing from you, then I guess I'm really living life to the fullest.

People say we're too young to think about love. How true can that be?. I crave for affection, I crave for love, I yearn for the days when I'll look into someone's eyes and see the love that can make me smile for days. Well maybe its true, maybe I'm really too young but there's this quote, "All my life, my heart has yearned for something I cannot name" so maybe, what I'm looking for is nameless, maybe, its yet to come.

For now, I would show love to those around me. Something I never received. Not for now, as long as I'm alive, I will let my heart love those that have not seen love.

I hope I can be a changed person as from today. I hope I can see life from a different angle. I hope I can find other elements other than love that can make my heart bleed with happiness.

I hope I am not making a mistake by doing this. I want to believe that by taking this huge step, I am taking an even greater step to re defining my self.

***

When I am certain I have written everything down, I close the journal and tuck it under my mattress. It's been two days since my parents had a huge fight. It's been two days since Blake and I became a closed book for me. It's been two days since I chose to be a contestant for a national competition. It's been two days since I stopped crying myself to sleep. It's been two days since I haven't stepped a foot out of my house.

I carefully slide down from my bed make my way to the kitchen where I know mum is keeping herself busy.

Just so you know, neither of them has told me anything about their fight, dad hasn't come back here since then, mum told me that he went on a business trip. I guess its easier to pretend like I know nothing about it than to have to deal with my parents trying to impress me with abstract perfection, if you know what I mean.

I straighten the non existent crease in my short gown as I walk up to mum who is reading a newspaper and drinking coffee from her favorite mug.

"Hey mum" I say as cheerful as I can manage. She looks up from the newspaper and smiles.

"Hey darling, what's up?"

"Well.. nothing, I just wanted to talk to you about something." Her eyes widen for a millisecond but she recovers very fast. She also swallows really fast and gestures for me to take a seat beside her.

I hope the coffee didn't burn her throat.

"Umm, so mum, sometime ago, I saw something" I swallow, hard.

"What, did you see another snake" She panics and start looking around the kitchen.

"Oh no no, I saw a form, it had your handwriting and to cut things short, you signed me up for a modelling competition."