Simon the Homeless

Simon gets an ally!1!1!

After the family killed Simon with their queerness, they decided to disperse. They set their hut on fire, and moved to the Atlantic Forest to start a new life.

But Simon wasn't actually dead because nobody truly dies in this book. He replenished his life by watching semaluhtouyunuluhwah videos on his phone, but as a side effect, it also made him horny. Uh oh

Then, Simon reflected on how mad he really was. He was full of hatred for gay people, and he needed to express his anger in the best way possible. He knew what to do.

He passed through the seven levels of the candy cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops, and then he walked through the lincoln tunnel, until he reached a portal.

It was zipped up with a zipper because it was super dangerous. It even had a sign that said dangerous, but Simon couldn't read so he opened the portal anyway. It was so bright that it blew Simon back, and he hit his head against a swirly twirly gumdrop. He got mad and ate it.

Suddenly, the other swirly twirly gumdrops turned and glared at him. Simon realized his mistake and tried to run, but the gumdrops were gaining on him. But before they could eat him back, something happened.

An entity stepped out of the portal. It was scary. The swirly twirly gumdrops screamed and ran, but it was no use. The entity killed them with its op hands.

Simon gasped with joy. He had op hands too!1! Maybe they could be friends!1!1 But as Simon went to greet it, its shape deformed into a child. He got suprised and squinted his eyes. The light went on the form, and Simon finally realized who it was. He gasped with horror and stepped back.

It was

fucking

Caillou

Simon trembled with fear. He had heard the stories of the brat known as Caillou, and it terrified him. But he was also inspired by him, and tried to be as bratty as him. But he couldn't, because Caillou took it to a whole nother level.

"C-C-Caillou senpai??1?1?" Simon stuttered, blushing. He was so intimidated by the bald ahh kid's presence, his timbers were shivered. Caillou glared at him, and that's when Simon came.

Wait, wait?

"Ugh, another gay bitch." Caillou growled, and started playing on his phone. That's when Simon realized what he just did, and he slapped himself.

Caillou noticed his actions and suddenly looked at him with interest. "Did you just slap yourself for being gay?" He asked.

"Well actually I'm not gay, I have a life" Simon retorted. "I don't know what even happened. I'm actually homophobic, and I came here to this portal to get allies from other universes!1!1!"

"Cool." Caillou said boredly, and went back on his phone.

Simon suddenly slapped the phone out of his hand, and Caillou gasped in surprise.

"If you want to live in this universe, then you have to add ones in your punctuation, like this!1!1!" Simon demontrasted madly. "And sometimes, don't even do it at all!1!1!"

Then, Caillou cried. It was so loud that all the glass in the world broke, and the buildings in New York began to fall. It was 9/11 all over again

"AAAAARGH" A random new yorker said, and got in his plane and flew to the Atlantic Forest to start a new life. The citizens of new York followed him. It was a devastating walk. Many people perished on the journey due to forest attacks. It was called the trail of new yorkers of June 16th, 2023. The rest of the world rebelled against the forest because it killed a lot of gay kids with its attacks. They called the forest homophobic. The forest burned and all the animals died. The environment was falling apart.

Meanwhile, Caillou stopped crying. But now he was mad. He wanted to take his anger out on someone.

As if on cue, Caillou's little sister Rosie came out of the portal. Caillou instantly grabbed her by the throat and started to stab her repeatedly with a stick. Rosie screamed in pain

Just then, Caillou's parents came out of the portal. They saw what Caillou was doing and watched without doing anything. It was a bad parenting moment

"Caillou, please be nice to your siser!" Caillou's mom, Doris, asked nicely. But when Caillou didn't stop, she sighed casually and walked somewhere else.

Caillou's dad, Boris (Yes that's actually his name 💀) didn't even react to the situation whatsoever. He was reading a newspaper.

"Nice, Trump got indicted." He mumbled, and walked in no particular direction.

Meanwhile, Simon was enraged that the Caillou family was using perfect punctuation. He wanted to instantly kill them, but then he remembered what he really came here for. He climbled the mountain that formerly belonged to the swirly twirly gumdrops and made an announcement.

"GUYS!1!1!1!" He screamed. The family looked at him curiously. All excpet Rosie, because she was fucking dead.

"If you guys are homophobic, then you should join me on my quest to destory all gays!1!1!" Simon announced. "Soon, we will rule the world and we will create a white history month and a straight pride month and parade!1!1!"

Caillou whooped and cheered for Simon. But Doris and Boris gasped with horror. They could not believe that their son supported this nonsense. They walked up to scold him, but Caillou fucking killed them before they could get too close.

"And another thing" Simon added. "You have to have bad punctuation in your sentences. It is the way of the wild"

"Ok" Caillou said, and Simon grinned from ear to ear because he listened and deleted his punctuation. "Btw, can I bring my friends here too"

"Yes" Simon agreed. And then, as if on cue, three random kids came out of the portal.

"This is Leo, Clementine, and Sarah" Caillou introduced. The three kids waved.

"Wow, what a cool place!" Clementine said admiringly. Simon screamed because he was sick of people not following his rules. The three kids got scared and tried to run, but Simon flew to them and killed them before they could get very far.

Simon piled the dead bodies and smiled proudly at his work. Now it was just him and Caillou.

"Let's get to work" Caillou said, and smiled evilly. He didn't even care that his best friends just got murdered in cold blood.

Simon and Caillou walked away together, an explosion randomly going off in the distance. An epic song played in the background, and they randomly had sunglasses.

Now that Gaspard's villan arc was over, it was time for Simon's....1.1.1...