Elude [H.S.]

THIRTEEN

*TW: Mentions of sexual manipulation.*

My eyes flutter open and to see the slightest bit of sunlight coming through the pulled curtains on the window. I blink a couple of times, my vision still very foggy as I try to take in my surroundings. As my vision clears up so does my mind and I quickly realize I'm not in my own bedroom and I'm definitely not at Greyson and Lynette's.

It's then I feel the weight draped across my waist and the hard surface against my back.

Harry.

What feels like all at once - the memories from last night begin to take over my brain. The party, Harry and I flirting, me smoking that joint and watching while that Poison Ivy girl made googly eyes at Harry. Harry fingering me in that bedroom and then the quiet Uber ride back to his place.

Sex. We actually had sex.

I take in a deep breath as I can feel myself getting worked up. All these emotions were almost too much when I hadn't even been awake for five minutes.

I close my eyes and grasp the comforter that was pulled up to my chin, making contact with something to try and ground myself.

Last night, in this very bedroom, doesn't feel real to me. I can't help but feel ashamed of how things happened but I didn't know he'd want me any differently.

When Conrad and I first got involved, he was gentle and kind. He would have me on my back, us looking at each other, and would make sure I was decently pleasured before the sex itself actually started. All of that changed when we actually started dating. Over time the kindness that he once showed me dwindled until there was none left.

I knew that when we started dating and he allowed me to move in that I started gaining weight because I was eating better than I was before. I had only been in New York for four months when I met Conrad and I didn't have the healthiest of diets. I basically ate whatever was cheap enough to get me by and most of the time that was one meal a day.

I thought that maybe my weight gain was the reason why he no longer wanted to see my front or my face when we were intimate.

The tying of my hands didn't come until later. One night I had reached back to grasp onto his thighs to help hold myself up - trying to get a better angle to try and meet my own climax. When we were finished Conrad yelled at me and told me he didn't like being held like that during sex. The next time we were intimate was when he tied my hands and it's been that way ever since.

That was three years ago.

The sex with Conrad wasn't the worst. Every now and then I was able to have an orgasm. I had found ways to move my hips or arch my back certain ways for him to hit the spots that felt good. It was hardly ever my g-spot but it still got me there at least.

Me suppressing my noises came from a night where we had returned from a gala. Conrad had been telling me he wanted me all night and it was the first time he had said words like that in quite a while. It spurred me on and when we started having sex with the thought of him actually wanting me like that made it more pleasurable. That was quickly diminished when he brought his hand around and clamped it over my mouth - making it to where not a single noise could escape.