A Court of shadows and love

Chapter-34

Azriel leaned down and kissed his lips.  Xander could not believe it. This was the same male who was afraid of his own mating bond. But now, he was dreaming about their children. Xander was so happy. Azriel had came a long way in this past months. They had their ups and downs but they have each other and that is more than enough.
"There is no one else for me too, Azriel," Xander brushed his hand over Azriel's cheeks. A beautiful smile grazed Azriel's face. And Xander's heart skipped a beat and his breath became fresh.

"Come on," Azriel tugged him forward. Xander really took in the site. Fae lights danced on all the branches of the trees. A blanket and a basket sat in the middle of the clearing. A bottle of champagne and two flutes were rested in a ice bucket.
"This is was supposed to be a dinner date. Since we had dinner," Azriel shrugged and pulled out desserts from the baskets. A smile tugged on Xander's lips and his mouth watered when he saw so many desserts.
"Is this only for the both of us?" Xander laughed.
"Well I know you love your chocolates and cakes," Azriel chuckled.
Gods. Xander loved him.
Xander plopped himself down in the blankets next to Azriel. Azriel fed him the desserts.

Xander stomach was so full. He felt like he might vomit everything if he eats one slice of lemon cake from Savannah's. Those cakes melted in his mouth and the rich taste of lemon filled his taste buds the moment he took a bite. And Azriel was no better than him. Azriel was laying spread eagle on the blanket. Xander sat opposite to him hands braced behind his back. Both of them kept looking at each other. Azriel's hand moving up and down his thigh. A small smile plastered on his face.
There was a whole sky of beautiful stars twinkling above their heads and yet they were looking at each other.
"I love you," Azriel told him and sat up. His forearms braced on his knees as he bent his leg and sat up. Xander leaned forward and pressed a featherlight kiss on Azriel's nose.
This is the time.
A voice inside his head whispered. Caressing the door he locked up soothingly. Xander closed his eyes and sighed deeply. It was time.
"Az," he called his mate.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Nothing ...I just have to tell you something," Xander told him and fidgeted with his hands.
Azriel's hands engulfed his hands and Xander looked up at him.t
"You can tell me anything, my minxie. Anything," Azriel whispered. A single tear slipped out of his eye and Azriel immediately wiped it off. Pain. A pain he has never felt in his entire life shot through his body. Threatening to make him break down. This time he didn't fight the pain. He let it take over and he broke down in Azriel's arms. His whole body shook as he sobbed in Azriel's arms. Azriel cradled his head and smoothened his hands on his back.

Every touch of his hands on there prickled him like needles. Would he touch him there if he knew what lied there behind a simple glamour? Would he recognise him if he let the beast within prowl around?
"Don't touch it," he crawled away from Azriel.
"Don't touch it."
"Don't touch it."
"Don't touch it."
He repeated as he crawled away from Azriel further.
"Hey, minxie, look at me. I am not touching you. I won't touch you," Azriel raised his hand and slowly approached Xander. Heartbreak and pain visible on his beautiful face.
Xander folded his knees into himself and sobbed. Azriel crouched in front of him and gripped the grass to prevent from touching his mate.

Xander stood up on unsteady legs and turned around. He unbuttoned his shirt and let it drop to the ground. He looked over his shoulder to where Azriel was still kneeling on the ground. And Xander let the glamour drop.
He waited as the seconds passed.
He waited.
A tear escaped Azriel's eye and he moved forward on his knees and pressed a kiss at the base of the bargain tattoo on his back. Xander sobbed loudly as he fell to his knees and pressed his back to Azriel's chest. Azriel's hands caged him to his body and let him break down all over again.

"I did it inside the cauldron," he whispered. He told him everything. What happened inside the cauldron. What he felt inside the cauldron. What he saw inside the cauldron. What he did inside the cauldron.

"I am so sorry," Azriel told him and smoothened his hair out of his face. Xander looked at him and opened his mouth to say something. But Azriel beat him to it.
"Please don't tell me it isn't my fault. It is my fault minxie," he grabbed his cheeks in his hands and stroked his thumb over the tear strains. "It is my fault. You are my mate and I," Azriel gulped loudly, " and I failed to protect you."

"I told you," Xander looked at Azriel's face. His hazel eyes glazed with unshed tears, threatening to fall, "I will go through hell all over again Azriel, to be here with you right now."
Xander kissed the palm of Azriel's hand and held it against his mouth. Azriel pulled him into his chest and let him rest there.

He felt lighter. He felt like he just unloaded the weight of world from his shoulders. His heart felt like it was beating properly after a long time. He felt himself get lost in chilled late night air as his mate soared through the night sky of Velaris.

Xander rested his head on Azriel's hard chest as his mate's hand rubbed up and down his back. Now that there was no glamour he didn't feel guilty. He just snuggled deep into his mate's chest. A contended sigh escaping his mouth.

"Can you do something for me?" Azriel asked him. Xander looked up at Azriel and nodded his head. "I want you to channel Feyre's shape shifting abilities and learn how to fly." This was not   
what Xander expected. Not at all. He thought Azriel was going to say something about the bargain tattoo on his back. But Azriel has accepted what he had done inside the cauldron and he knew his mate was already working in gathering information about this kind of thing using his spies.

"Why all of the sudden Az?"
"It's just," Azriel sighed and sat upright moving Xander's head to his lap. Azriel looked out through the window where moonlight was spilling through. "I was thinking about what Rhys said during dinner. War is inevitable minxie," Azriel's eyes told him that he was t joking right now. "And it looks worse than last time. The result could fall either way. If things ever go south , I want you to take up to the skies and fly without turning back. Do you understand?"

Xander sat up cross legged before Azriel. He looked at his mate and waited for him to say that he was just joking.
"You mean you want me to fly away like a coward while you and everyone else I love fights and dies in the war?"
"You are my first priority minxie. I failed once to protect you and I will not make the mistake twice. I will not fail you again. You are my number one priority in this whole fucking world minxie. And you will always be my first priority no matter where we are. I will walk through fire and flood to get you. I will gladly scale mountains to get to you and I will kill whoever stands in my way. No matter what minxie. No matter what," Azriel clenched his teeth and Xander heard them groaning in protest.

"You are my first priority too," he whispered and slid into the blankets. He heard Azriel sigh beside him and sliding in next him. His forearms caging him to his body like steel. Like he was afraid. If he let him go he won't come back. And Xander didn't want him to let go.