For my sister | Negan |

65 - Tomorrow

'Yes', I say, trying to ignore my heart rate speeding up at the prospect of lying. 'He let me go.'

The look on Michonne's face is one of total disbelief. Of course, I can understand that.

'Why would he do that?'

'Because I... saved his life', I tell her, trying to keep my face neutral.

'You saved his life?' she asks, baffled.

I knew they wouldn't like it. Saving the man that ruined everything isn't a way to make yourself popular. But telling them I slept with him would be even worse.

I thought about it. It wouldn't be realistic to say that I managed to escape after all. With a car loaded with meds. Because Ella was right, he wouldn't have given me a chance. And why would he have let me go if not for a very good reason? So here's the story I came up with.

'I know what you're thinking. But I didn't have a choice. They would have killed me if I didn't. But since I finally had some leverage, I decided to use it. I made him swear that he would let me go after.'

'And he actually did it?' she asks, looking highly suspicious.

'He keeps going on about how he's a man of his word', I say, pulling a face to indicate that I don't get it either. 'I don't know, Michonne. He's got weird morals.'

'What was wrong with him?' she asks urgently. 'How is he now? Is there any change he could still-'

'No', I tell her quickly, not wanting her to get any unwarranted hope. 'No, uhm, unfortunately he's made a surprisingly fast recovery. It was a bullet. Hit him somewhere in the attack on Alexandria. He was going to bleed out, but... I managed to stop it. No permanent damage.'

'He could have been dead?'

I twirl around when I hear another familiar voice coming from my other side. A voice full of accusation.

'This could have all been over if you had let him bleed to death?' Rick demands.

I hardly recognize him when I look at him. The last time I saw him, when Simon came to take me away from Alexandria, he looked defeated, broken. Now, there is an almost delirious intensity about him. His eyes are cold, full of hatred. Of course, he has lost his son since I last saw him.

'It's not that simple', I say uneasily. At the look on his face, I'm starting to think that maybe it would have been better after all to just admit that I slept with the enemy...

'If Negan had died, then Simon would have taken over. And it would have been worse, believe me. Negan wants to resolve this somehow and spare what lives he can because he wants you to work for him again. Simon... he would have killed everyone.'

'That wasn't your call to make', Rick says aggrevatedly. 'We could have handled Simon. With Negan gone, we could have-'

'Not my call to make?' I interrupt him, sudden anger flaring through me. 'I was the only one there. It was my life at stake, my only chance to see Ella again.'

Even though none of what I described actually happened, I unexpectedly feel furious about the lack of understanding. I remember the things Negan told me. How they didn't even try to stop them when they took me to him. How nobody asked about me after. And of course I remember standing at that platform against my will until bullets flew right past me. So how dare he judge me for what I supposedly did, after everything he's done to me?

'This is kind of rich coming from you, Rick', I continue. 'Judging me after you let them take me. And then fucking shooting at me because all you care about is taking him out!'