Finding Jaime

Chapter 64

Saint was silent. Bronx, sitting beside me in the front passenger seat was looking out the window. His jaw was set. Marvel, sensing the tension, just looked around at her brothers.

"Okay," Saint said, quietly.

I started the car and drove the rest of the way home. Nobody said anything. I would talk to the boys separately at home. I'd been spending so much time at the hospital with Jaime that I hadn't really gotten a chance to gauge how they were doing and handling all this.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway and I parked, both boys got out of the car. Bronx helped get Marvel out of her car seat and carried her inside. Saint went upstairs and I heard him close his bedroom door.

"Bronx, can you help Marvel get ready for bed?  I want to talk to Saint. Then I'll come talk with you."

"Sure, Dad," Bronx said, leading Marvel upstairs. I followed and knocked on Saint's door.

"What?" He asked.

"Saint, can I come in?"

"I guess," he said. I opened the door. Saint was laying on his bed, his hands behind his head and just staring up at the ceiling. He

"Hey," I said, sitting on the bed beside him. "What's going on, huh?  You know you can talk to me any time, right?"

"You're ever here, though," Saint said. I sighed. He wasn't wrong.

"I know. You're right. I've been at the hospital with Jaime. And I didn't stop to think about how any of this is affecting the rest of you. It's not fair. It hasn't been fair to any of you. And I'm sorry. I did a crappy job of balancing all this. And I will probably continue to do a crappy job balancing all this because Jaime needs me as much as the rest of you. Maybe more just now with everything he's dealing with."

"It's not fair," Saint said.

"I know. I'm sorry," I said.

"No. Not that you're not here. I mean, that's not fair either. But it's not fair that Jaime has cancer and could die. He just came to live with us. He finally feels like a big brother. England was fun with him. I don't want him to die."

"Saint," I said, turning his head to look at me. "Jaime isn't going to die. There's no sign anywhere that the cancer spread before we found it."

"What if they missed something?"

"I hope they didn't. They did enough imaging that they really should have not missed anything."

"But what if they did?"

"Hopefully the chemo will get rid of anything they missed before it gets a chance to turn into anything."

I was answering to the best of my ability. My kids hadn't had to deal with anything like this until Jaime came into our lives.

Saint sighed.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want Jaime to die. I-I kinda like having him as a big brother."

I pulled my son up and hugged him.