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May 22, 2016
I spent the week isolating myself from the world, disregarding all calls and texts. After informing the band that I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be in the studio for a few days, I took the time to process everything and consider my options. Today, however, is different. Jade has arranged an appointment with her obstetrician, causing me to go about my morning with a cloud of anxiety following my every move. Besides Jade, Harry, and whoever was present when I blurted it out, Mitch is the only one who knows. I plan to keep it that way until my doctor's appointment confirms it later today. Deep down, I know it's real, and I don't need the appointment to verify it. I go about my usual morning routine until a knock on the door interrupts me. Jade isn't due to come over until later, and I don't have any other friends here. Who could it be?
I open the door and immediately regret it when I see Harry Styles standing on the other side.
"Uh, can I come in?" he asks anxiously, hands deep in his pockets.
I say nothing and gingerly step aside to let him in, avoiding eye contact and staring at my feet.
After shutting the door behind him, we stand in silence for a while until he finally speaks up.
"Is...is it mine?" he manages to utter quietly, his gaze fixed on a spot on the wall. He can't meet my eyes either.
All I can do is nod silently in response.
"For fuck's sake," he mutters, his frustration evident. Oh no, he's angry.
"I'm so sorry," I apologize, my voice barely audible as it cracks. Tears stream down my face, overwhelmed by shame. How could I have let this happen?
He snaps out of his trance upon hearing my voice. "Hey, hey...none of that. We did this together. I should have been more responsible, but I was caught up in the moment. I'm so, so sorry, Sienna. You shouldn't have to be in this situation."
He embraces me, and I find solace in his arms, allowing my emotions to pour out.
"Are you... are you keeping it?" he manages to ask once I've calmed down a bit. "I mean... I think if you're open to it, I'd like you to... but I know it's ultimately your choice, and I have to respect that. I'll support you either way."
"I'm keeping it," I respond firmly. The thought of terminating the pregnancy never crossed my mind, regardless of our unfortunate circumstances. Ever since that dentist told me I was likely already feeling the baby move, my mind had been made up. In my mind, we're already connected. As far as I know, myself and the baby are both healthy. I couldn't bring myself to end it and live with the regret and unanswered questions. "I was actually preparing for an appointment when you showed up."
"Appointment for the baby?" he asks with a glimmer of excitement in his eyes, pulling away to look at me. "Can I come?"
"If you want," I agree hesitantly. "Let me grab my bag, and then we can go." I awkwardly step away to gather my belongings.
