Unity

Chapter Ten

"Let me put my gym clothes on, we're making everyone late," as instructed, he let my body down from the wall, but his hands stayed on my shoulders. A smirk morphed from his plain face.

"Alright, but from now on, you'll be known as Tranny."

...

The next three years of middle school were...

exactly like that. No friends stood beside me, and everyone thought of me as a freak, anyways. Common thoughts sprung from their minds, which constantly pushed me down.

Tranny...

Hey Tranny, what's your real name?

Hey Tranny, how are you ever going to have sex?

Where'd Tranny go? Oh, it's over there.

Tranny...

She...

It...

Tranny...

She...

It...

Tranny...

She...

It...

It...

It...

It...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Eren!" I sat upright and panting the second the sun touched my bare skin. Eren's eyes opened slowly, but eventually he gained vision and saw me. He slightly stretched his elbows out and rested his weight on them.

"Yeah?" I grabbed both of his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. I probably looked like a desperate maniac to him right now, but I'm so comfortable around him that I couldn't give two fucks.

"What's my name?" Eren scratched the back of his neck and cocked his head to the side.

"Are you okay-"

"Please just say my name!" Eren's eyes still showed me confusion, but he wasn't going to judge me for it unless he gets an awful explanation.

"Armin. Your name is Armin. Now why exactly-"

"Yay! My name is Armin!" Eren squinted his eyes at the unusually bright sun and looked back at me, looking rather sympathetic.

"Yep... Your name is Armin... Are you okay? Did you have a weird dream or something? You're kind of loopy right now," my girly laughter made me mad at myself, but Eren had told me before that he thought it was cute.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just had a bad dream," Eren squeezed my hand and looked me with eye-to-eye contact.

"Are you feeling dysphoric?" My teeth clenched on my lip a bit as my head nodded.

"Yeah... I just started remembering middle-school," Eren hugged me and whispered peacefully:

"You can tell me if you want," I hesitated bluntly, but I found myself nodding after the pause. "What happened in middle school?"

"Well... they were my first years of identifying as male."

"Ooh..." Eren's facial expression showed me that he did in fact have an idea on what that would be like.

"I was super excited at first because I've wanted that all my life, but when I got to school I just wanted to die," I felt warm hands tracing up and down my back softly. They were comforting, and I had gotten so used to the feeling of Eren's hands that I could tell apart the feeling from any other's.

"What did they do?" Eren quickly held his words back. "Y-You don't have to tell me, I mean, just know you can," I nodded my head and smiled at him.

"I'll tell you. I've wanted to let it out anyways," his chin nodded and he looked at me eye-to-eye once again. "It was really bad in 6th grade. It kind of died down in 7th and 8th grade, but I was still receiving the same hate."

"What kind of... hate was it?" I swallowed back in anguish and tried to form the words, but I struggled.

"Death threats, physical assault, harassment, name-calling..." my mind recalled one more memory that I've tried so hard to forget... but I couldn't forget... I'll never forget. "Sexual assault..." Eren's double-colored eyes lifted up a bit, but he made a conscience effort not to show it.

"Sexual assault?" I wanted to speak but that was just my queue to start bawling my eyes out. I would rather just sit peacefully while an explosion of memories comes to have the most gruesome battle of their lives in the shelter of my mind. Why? Because I want to be strong like Eren. Rather, I want to be strong for Eren, or at least try and show him that I'm strong enough to not cry.

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah,"

"Take a deep breath, Armin," Eren began rubbing my shoulders and worked his way down to the middle of my back. "It's okay to cry, Armin, it doesn't make you any less of a person. It just shows that you have emotions." A teardrop peaked it's way through the crack in my eyes and dropped down my face. More followed, and soon I had hot streams of liquid pouring from my eyes, but my body stayed still. My face was limp and none of my other muscles moved. I was just crying without the side-effects that usually happen... just sitting as if it were forced, and we both know that in this situation, my tears are not forced.

"T-T-T-Tran-Tranny," flashbacks of kids harassing me about that pushed their way into my focused thought process. "Why was I born a tranny?"

"Don't call yourself that. I know that that is a really bad name people have used for people like you, but don't listen to them. You're much more than what they say."

"I'm a tranny! That's it! That's all I've ever been. I've never been a 'he', and I'll sure as hell never be a man! I am an 'it'! A 'tranny'. I'm a-"

"Cut the bull-shit, Armin! You're not an object! You are a living being! You are a boy!" At that moment, my body halted in a stiff pose. My eyes found their way to Eren's, and the moment they met, our eyes locked intensively. This boy... I know it for a fact.

"You really are going to stay with me forever," I regained my position and knelt so my head was level with Eren. "Right?" Without hesitation, Eren's head nodded.

"I worry about you sometimes," all I could do was sigh.

"I also worry about you," Eren seemed a bit stiffened, but his tense seat became more lax.

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a complement or if you're just calling me nuts," my laugh formed a bit into a giggle (which I despised), but Eren smiled back at me.

"Both, I guess."

The rest of the day was relatively normal. I actually beat Eren in an arm wrestle for once, but it's only because Eren didn't actually know we were even having and arm wrestle... but he got me later by tackling me. Mikasa hadn't spoken all day except for once in the afternoon when she told us that she was going for a walk... I'm kind of worried, though I don't think I have to be. She is Mikasa after all...

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binder*: In the FtM trans world, a binder is a piece of extremely tight clothing that trans guys wear so they appear more flat-chested.