How To Fall From Grace [MxM]

Step 13: Fall into a trap

Frey locked eyes with Marius, uncomfortable but determined to deny his claims.

"Young Lady Hargreaves is the town chief's daughter. I don't want to be on Lady Cromwell's bad side so of course I end up humouring her on occasion."

"And the Glowells?" Marius quirked an eyebrow. "Judging by the younger ones, they're aware of your aversion to being touched, but Mr. Glowell patted your shoulder and Mrs. Glowell both hugged you and touched your scar. You didn't say a word."

"My family's always had a good relationship with their family," Frey said without missing a beat. "I don't want that to change by causing a scene."

"And it hasn't changed, has it?" Marius folded his arms, a triumphant smile on his lips as Frey apparently fell into some kind of trap. "You said before that people began shunning your family after the tragic event, but not the Glowells. Not the Hargreaveses. Not those you've been comfortable enough with to drop your act around."

"My... Act?"

"The shield you put up when facing your high society life. The way you behave outwards because... I guess you've had to?"

Frey swallowed, mouth suddenly dry as Marius' words struck a nerve, and he glanced down at his twitching hands, irately clenching them to keep them still.

No one knew what was behind his shield. His family had made it very clear that parts of him were unsuitable for their kind of world. That he needed to hide things, and withstand what made him uncomfortable. Being at loud, crowded parties was part of his life after all. Eye contact and tense conversations as well.

He glanced up to notice Marius' furrowed brow, having followed Frey's gaze down to his hands and the latter quickly looked up.

"Well, I won't pretend I know you that well," Marius admitted before Frey could say anything. "But I think there's a pattern, you know? You've lived with Lord Hargreaves and spent time with his family for a long time, and they have seen you be selfless and genuinely caring when you're not trying to impress or deceive others. You've also been to the Glowells a lot, where you've always been surrounded by what you love most, meaning the horses. They've seen you at your most relaxed, delighted self, who can afford to be a little uncomfortable when it comes to people and places you're fond of, and that's the only impression they have of you. That's why these people still separate you from your family. From your father, and what happened to him. They see you as more than your family name because they've seen you act outside of it, and that's why you tolerate their occasional rudeness and inconvenient or unbecoming behaviours as well. Because they treat you like a person."

Frey didn't respond in case his inconveniently flustered mind would show through his voice, and Marius rubbed his neck, looking awkward as he continued.

"That's... Sort of how I got to know you better as well. Not just the accidental eavesdropping when you're with your horses, but... The way you talk when it's something you love, the way you brighten up and forget who you think you're supposed to be... That's why I didn't want to stop talking to you, even when you were rude and insulting me. I figured it was just an act, and even now I think I'm right about that."

Frey clenched his jaw, heat rising in his cheeks. He liked hearing it, but he didn't want to. Having someone appreciate his so-called undesirable self after so many years was too good to be true, but it also came from a servant.

It wasn't supposed to be that hard. Frey was supposed to push him away. He was the last kind of person he should want in his life, even as a friend, and even if that wasn't the case he had to think of his family, so he couldn't let it continue. Marius was not allowed to believe that Frey could be the person he was describing, even though there probably was truth to it. It was all the more reason for Frey to put that shield up again and keep from adventuring his current life.

He quietly sucked in a breath.

"... Listen, stable bo—"

"Marius."

Frey paused at the correction, opening and closing his mouth before continuing.

"... Mar..." He drew another breath, deciding against it. "... So, I talked to my mother and sisters while I was there."

"I should hope so."

"About important things." Frey's scowl returned but Marius only looked amused. "About this past year, and how I need to make a greater effort to get my life back in order."

"And... You want my help?" Marius looked surprised, and Frey likely looked even more surprised by the reply.

"What?"

"I just assumed, since you brought it up, that maybe you needed my help with something." Marius scratched his head. "Or... Maybe you just wanted to talk to me about it."

"I... Suppose it's more like talking about it, in a way." Frey's voice was low. Despite everything, part of him didn't want to say what he was about to. He knew he had to though.

"Well, like I said, I'm always here to do that." Marius' bright expression returned. "Talk away."

Frey's words got stuck in his throat, and he hurried to hide the distress about to appear on his face. He didn't want to say anything. He didn't want to push away the one person he could talk to that wasn't like family to him. Especially not someone whose company he'd come to enjoy so much.

Was he allowed to think like that? What about the reputation he was so desperate to uphold? Marius was a big risk, but the idea of him not being around suddenly seemed so heartbreaking.

"Oh! You know what?" Marius said, and Frey flinched as he was snapped out of his thoughts. "I'm not working tomorrow evening. Maybe we could go somewhere nice to talk? The stable isn't really a comfortable place for longer conversations. We do need to make plans for Bonfire too, right? I know a good place we could go, or several really."

Bless and curse his obliviousness.

"You mean like... Going out for dinner?"

He had to tell him no.

"Doesn't have to be. Just a drink, or a tea shop or something." Marius suddenly seemed to remember something and held up his hands. "Something nicer than Fisherman's. Not something as fancy as you're used to perhaps, but we could compromise. I'll change clothes of course, and get cleaned up."

Why wasn't Frey rejecting him?

His gaze was stuck somewhere on Marius' coat, trying to figure out what to do. He just had to tell him no, and that the idea was laughable. He'd never had a problem laughing at servants before, feelings hurt or not.

"It's almost Dyris' day of light too, right?" Marius pressed on in another attempt to convince him. "They should've hung the decorations by now, and maybe we could buy some firelights somewhere?"

Before Frey could go through the two options in his head for a tenth time his mouth seemed to move on its own.

"I... Suppose."

"Great!" Marius raised a hand as if he was about to pat Frey's shoulder but once again remembered the no-touching rule and lowered it again.

Frey was mostly horror-struck by his agreement and wouldn't have reacted anyway.

"I'll need some time to get clean once I'm done with work but I'll come by the mansion around dinner time tomorrow then?" Marius asked, trying to find Frey's gaze again.

"No, I'll come by your place," Frey said, not too fond of the idea that someone would see them leave together.

Marius blinked.

"Really?"

"If it's not too far away."

"No, not at all," Marius said under a half breath, half laughter. "I can give you directions."

Frey nodded, uncertain which emotion was appropriate at the moment.