Things do get better...

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(If this chapter seems confusing, refer to Memories that will remain forever... this one im quite proud of, so enjoy)

It had barely been a week after we moved into this new apartment.

I vividly remember waking up in silence.

The already depressing apartment seemed even more empty whenever I was alone. My mum would constantly be out working from the early morning, until the night. But this time something felt wrong. I normally didn't wake up that late.
I always got to at least hear her leave. If I was lucky, I would feel a soft kiss from her on my forehead in between dreams...
But, personally, I would never leave the house.  I wasn't going to any school or kindergarten at that time. I wasn't fully sure why, either. A part of me assumed that my mother was just too busy to take me; another one said that it was because of money problems, maybe it wasn't that important.
I crawled out of my bed and into the hallway of the empty house. That's when I realized what was wrong.

My mother was still in the house.

I had been hearing her voice since I'd woken up, I just hadn't realized it was her.

She was crying.

I approached the door of her room with hesitance and sat with my ear up to it so I could hear what was going on. She seemed to be moving around the room, she sounded absolutely distressed. I was confused and afraid. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to go in. From one side, she could be in danger, I needed to protect her. But at the same time, that strong and undeniable paranoia of Him coming back, and the thought of Him being there... It scared me away from the door.
I ended up knocking on the door as quickly as I could, and then ran away from it, sticking to the wall. After I knocked, the weeping softened a little bit.
"Mummy? Are you okay?"
I asked this quickly and immediately covered my mouth in fear. After this, her room went silent.

The only thing I heard for a while was my frightened, quick breaths, until finally, I started hearing steps and the shuffling of things again. Minutes passed as I heard her slow steps going around the room.
At this point,  the fear came over me, and searching to feel safe, I ran to my room. I sat at a corner, and tried my best to calm myself down. Minutes passed, then I heard the door of her room open.

I didn't hear any steps.

I was scared.

Still hyperventilating, I walked over to my bed and curled myself up in the sheets. I tried to put my hands up to my eyes and rubbed them to keep myself from crying.
And then I lied there. Still. Covering my face with my hands. Covered by my bed sheet. Pretending to sleep.
And I waited for something to happen.
I still didn't feel safe, but there wasn't much more I could do about it...

A long while passed, but wasn't able to fall asleep. I was too scared.
But after a few minutes of laying there in silence, I was impressively able to calm myself down enough, and managed to climb out of bed again.
I stood at the edge of my room's door and stared into the hallway.

There was silence.

And I was suddenly terrified again.
Had I just not heard her leave?
Was she still there?
Was He still there...?

I walked down the hallway up to her bedroom again, and peeked through the door. There was no one there. The room was messy, but nothing was broken. That to me was convincing enough, so I shook off the idea that there was someone there, and exhaled.

I walked around the apartment , slowly calming myself down again, now that I realized I was alone.
I was safe.



...
Back then, days were boring.
Like, really boring.  As I said, I didn't go to school, so I basically did nothing, every day.
I wasn't really used to eating much, I was too small to reach most of the cabinets, and my mom wasn't there to feed me, so... CHILD MALNOURISHMENT IT IS, FELLAS, HAHA!

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