The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

The Mopsus in You

Sirius was working on gently pulling up the edge of the bandage to showed Lily the bright red, freshly inked star and, just above it, symbol which Remus said represented Regulus. He looked at Lily, watching as she looked at the ink that had been deposited in his skin, and when she looked up, their eyes met and they just stared at one another for several long seconds.

"You magique amored me," he said.

Lily blinked in surprise. "What?"

"You did your love magic stuff with me."

"Mate, that sounds really wrong," James intoned.

Sirius ignored him, for once completely serious, and he stayed staring at Lily. "You can feel me."

Lily nodded. Her eyes were full of tears. She could feel him. She could feel loads of things and her heart felt like it was barely holding together, like glue binding had been used to fix it but it was fragile at best.

Remus put his hands in his pockets, watching.

James could see the look on her face and he wasn't surprised when she suddenly turned from Sirius, looking to him, and said, "We need to talk. Right now."

In the room that used to be theirs - the room now belonging to Peter, though it didn't seem he'd moved in yet, as it was just as empty as James had left it the last time he'd been in there after all his things had been moved to Godric's Hollow - Lily turned on him, her voice low. "We need to tell him."

James looked over his shoulder. "I mean, I feel guilty, too, Evans, it's just that I'm afraid what telling him would mean for Regulus and --"

"I love Regulus. I love Regulus so much," Lily whispered, "But Sirius is our friend first and Sirius's needs should be above Regulus's." She looked down at the carpet, then back up at James, "He's not okay right now."

"I know he isn't okay, I mean of course he isn't," James whispered back, "I'm actually really concerned because he seems too okay."

"I know," Lily said, "I know he seems okay. Seems."

"Why isn't he -- you know -- making the big production of it?"

"I think maybe the lack of a big production is the big production."

"What?"

"The worst things - he doesn't talk about the worst things," she murmured. "I think maybe that's always been true, really... if we think on it."

James did, he thought on it, and the more he thought on it, the more incidents arose to his mind that Sirius didn't talk about when they were happening. Things like Walburga's nasty letters and the dementor attacks that had put him in the hospital wing more than once in fifth year, or the  silence he'd had ever since that one horrid summer night with the fennel.

"What if we tell him and Regulus ends up in trouble?"

"Then we save Regulus."

James looked down at his trainers.

"James."

He looked up at Lily.

"James, you're playing at being like Mopsus with his precious seconds and secrets and lies by keeping this from him and I think we were wrong."

He blinked in surprise, he hadn't expected that.

They stood in silence, him thinking and her scared she'd said something she ought not to have done.

"Tell me what you're thinking?" she asked when too many long moments had passed without him speaking.

"I'm thinking you're right... but last night I was so convinced we were right then, too." He sighed, "Bleeding hell, why am I always in these type moments of having to decide between what's right and what's wrong and what should happen and shouldn't and trying to stack things up just right so the pieces don't all crash down?"

Lily frowned, "That's not your job to do, James."

"I feel like it is."

She took his hands in hers. "Maybe that's the Mopsus in you."

James closed his eyes. "Reckon you can inherit something like that? The urge to control every bleeding thing for all of time?"

"Like the Doctor. But you're not responsible for all that, honey. You're not... you aren't, and you shouldn't have to be, and you shouldn't be."

"I don't know how to let go of trying to be."

"It starts by us going out there and telling Sirius about the body at the Ministry," Lily said.

James nodded.

"I think this is why you made the right choice about the Auror training program, too, you know," Lily said quietly. "This same thing is what made you stop there."

"What do you mean?"

"I think you feel too responsible for everyone else's baggage and you don't care enough for your own. I think you're... exhausted."

James opened his eyes to look into hers. "You didn't magique amor me, too, did you?"

"No. You asked me not to."

"Then how is it you know exactly what I'm feeling?"

"Because I know you, James."

He leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. They were silent a few moments like that, then James asked quietly, "You don't really think I could inherit muck like this from Mopsus, do you? Inherit the responsibility of seeing all things and making them work right?"

"I don't know, James," Lily answered, "But even if you did, I don't think you need to accept it."

Regulus stood in the attic of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

The remains of the blanket fort were still there.

He bent down to pick up the parchment he'd made once, long ago. "Regulus and Sirius Back's Clubhouse," he read it outloud. "No house elves or adults allowed."

Brilliant, Reg. It's exactly the sort of sign we need.

Regulus let it drop to the floor.

"It's about damned time..."

The voice came from no where it seemed. Regulus spun about, frantic, thinking the charms had worn off or somehow been breached or broken or maybe Sirius had somehow found his way in or -- but there was no one there and it wasn't Sirius's voice.

"I thought you'd never bloody come up here."

"Who's there?" He turned again. "Where are you?"

"Under here."

One of the portraits that had been the walls of the clubhouse, half covered by a fallen blanket, was stirring.

He grabbed the blanket and pulled.

"Hey kid."

It was Cadmus Peverell.

"You look different. Smart boy."