The Highlander's Sassenach

Chapter 21 Davina

One month has passed since my kidnapping and the murder of Laird Douglas Wallace. We laid Douglas to rest in the cemetery that adjoined the castle. He was buried next to his beloved wife and daughter, that was one of his wishes in his will. Arran and Gavin held each other as the casket was lowered into the ground by six large clansmen. I could not find the tears to shed at all, no matter how hard I tried to will tears to fall from my eyes. All I could feel was overwhelming guilt for his death.. We were burying Gavin's father, while Theo and Trenton sat in our dungeons. They deserved to be dead, while Douglas deserved to be alive. Why was the world so cruel to allow such evil men to live. Both men were waiting for punishment they so justly deserved for the numerous crimes they committed against those they swore to protect. Gavin's aunt Edith was there too, her eyes never leaving her brother's casket. She did not take her brother's death well, and blamed me for his untimely demise. And she was right to blame me for it. I blamed myself for it. If I had died in that field, then none of this would have happened. Douglas would have still been alive and Gavin would have been happy and carefree. I often found myself in the chapel, begging God for forgiveness and begging him to end the suffering of my husband. Yet God had no answers for my woes, just silence. Complete and utter silence.

Gavin often spent hours away from me over the past month. He was cementing his authority of the Clan. He was either traveling to other Lairds to make to make alliances, or speaking with Garratt and his aunt hidden away for hours in his study . Arran was the one who kept me company, and tried to help me run the castle. He was dealing with his father's death the best way he could. Though his once cheerful disposition had become solemn. And my heart only hurt more from seeing Arran so sad and so lost. On one of those afternoons that Gavin was away. I was in the study, going over the household accounts. Something that often brought me comfort. The door opened and Lady Edith entered. I put my quill down, leaning back in the chair. I was not expecting her to walk through.

"Lady Edith, this is a surprise," I said. I then stood up and motioned toward the two chairs by the roaring fire. Lady Edith never sought me out. She chose to ignore my very existence. I was alright with that choice. I could not face anymore anger and grief. And I am sure that she felt both. She was angry at me, and was still grieving over the lost of her older brother.

"Lady Wallace, I wish to speak to ye privately," she said. I pulled my shawl a little closer to my body. Winter was slowly taking root in the Highlands. The air in and outside of the castle was becoming cold. The sea breeze did not help.

"Of course, what do you wish to speak about Lady Edith," I said. She placed her hands in her lap. Her eyes were soft. Something I was not expecting from her at all. Often when she looked at me, if at all. Her eyes were cold and angry.

"I have come here to apologize to ye, I may have misjudged ye," she said. I felt taken aback by her words.Why would she apologize to me? I was the one who destroyed her family. Her brother is dead because of me. She saw my expression.

"Gavin has been telling me about ye, and what had happened to ye before he found ye in that meadow all those months ago," she added. I felt a sob lodge in my throat. Remembering that horrible night. The feelings that rose up inside of me, were feelings I had long thought gone.

"You have every right to be angry at me Lady Edith. My presence here has done nothing but cause your family misery and sorrow," I replied. She sighed and reached out to take my hand.

"I will admit, I was angry at ye,  I will not deny it. But my anger was fueled by my grief. But I cannot blame ye for the actions of another. My brother loved his family deeply, and you are his family. Your bairn growing inside of ye is his family. He would have done the same for my husband if he been given a chance," she said. I felt my guilt flare up in my heart. Crushing it in its cruel grip.