The Runaway Cheat

Chapter 11

"Of course, I remember. People don't normally forget such traumatising memories." Thinking back I knew exactly why people called me trouble.

"Papa was so furious that he almost beat the shit out of me. Whereas your father and Arthur laughed at us every chance they got." Samuel was always strict with Tabi whereas my father would rather laugh than scold me for the trouble I have caused.

"The whole concept of us getting expelled for ruining your ex-boyfriend's car who also happens to be our principal's son was a laughable subject for those two idiots," I said shaking my head and remembering them and their smile.

It's been so long.

"Arthur was the meanest though. He would always ruin my hair, every single time." Tabi said voice sounding warm. The warmth I lack now.

"But you still had a huge as his ego crush on him." I pointed out. Once upon a time I hoped that Tabi will become my legal family but apparently, only Tabi and u I was feeding that wishful thinking.

"I did not. I didn't Marilyn. And even if I did I was like 15 back then."

"If you say so," she never stopped crushing on my brother until Zara came into the picture.

"Anyway, that's not why I brought up the past. Do you remember what your mother said when we refused to go to school after that incident?" Of course, I do.

"Sometimes we have to face our problem if we want to walk past it." Her words are engraved in my mind.

"Mari..." Tabi started, "Sometimes you have to face your problem, you have to accept the things you lost and things you could lose if you don't let the past go. You have to fight it no matter how much you try to avoid it or act like there is nothing to fight for."

"Tabi...I.." I started with a trembling voice but didn't find any words to say.

"Stop hiding your problems like everyone believes you don't have any, Mari. Accept your vulnerability." Tabi said softly like she was afraid I'll shut her out.

"And what if...if my vulnerability leads them off the cliff? What if I lose them for my selfish reasons?" I demanded.

"Mari...closing yourself down, isolating yourself is not the answer. I am sorry...I'm fucking sorry..... that you were forced to go through so much all alone but if I could, if there was any way possible way I could take those pain away from you I would have, swear to god I would move heaven and earth if needed but I cannot either anybody else can. Until you..you allow them." Tabi finished, and a tear rolled down her eyes.

And I was staring at the distance, feeling conflicted, "opening up and accepting emotions means giving others the power of breaking you. And I...Tabi I cannot go through all that again. I can't ...I don't think I'll survive this time." I said, my voice breaking.

"And pushing people away, people who care for you, always have won't protect you from losing them," Tabi said desperately.

"It will. If I stop caring or wanting things then it won't matter if they leave one day." I said convincingly. I was too vulnerable to let anyone in anymore. I am scared, shitless. What if they leave even though they promised they won't? What if they are taken from me because I was being selfish? Because I cared about my feelings so badly that I forgot about them until one day they were gone. And no matter if I beg, cry or scream they won't be back. So, no I won't put those power over me in anyone else hands anymore.

"So you don't care about us anymore? You don't care if we leave or stay?" Tabi asked, sounding offended. Her face was wet and her eyes were red, tears rolling down. She is now sitting up and staring at me like she doesn't know me anymore.

I don't know me either, Tabi.

"Tabi... I'll always care about you and Luca. I'll always mind if you leave me." I am soft.

"And what about that man today? You don't care about him? You don't care if he leaves you?" that man. that man despises me, my mere existence. and deserve every single ounce of his hate.

I look away from her, hearing the question, "No I don't. Because there is nothing to care about or nothing to leave. It ended a long time ago. And it was just some immature flings."   

"Liar." I turned towards her at her voice, "If it was just some fling why did you cry today? Why did you shut yourself down after the meeting? If you didn't care, if there is nothing to leave, why does his presence slip your mask away? Why were you all over the place today?" Tabi asked.

"You don't know anything. So, stop assuming things tabi." I said in a harsh tone.

"Then tell me, tell me something, anything," Tabi asked, desperate for answers that I'm not strong enough to say. To open up a chapter I closed long ago. a story she is not meant to know, not now, not tomorrow.

"It's getting late, sleep. I have a meeting in the morning." I said ignoring her demand.

"Mari-"Tabi started but I stopped her before she could say anything else, "sleep Tabi."

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