For my sister | Negan |

55 - Disappointed

'I am disappointed, Christina', he says, pushing the bat against me some more, though I'm already pressed against the wall. Agonizing pain shoots through my shoulder, being forced into this uncomfortable position with my arms tied at my back. But I try not to whimper.

'I thought we had an understanding', he says. 'In fact, I thought we had more than an understanding. I thought we cared about each other. Was that all a lie?'

'I'm sorry, Negan', I stutter. 'I'm really-'

I suck in my breath when he lowers the bat, but grabs my face and pushes his body against mine. He holds my jaw roughly and brings his face within inches of mine.

'You're sorry?' he asks, his tone suddenly turning suggestive. 'Wanna show me how sorry you are?'

He grins as he looks into my terrified eyes. He's not serious about this, is he? The last thing I want is for him to touch me. But I'm very aware that I have no means to defend myself if he tries anything.

He runs his thumb over my jaw, up to my lip, and presses down upon it. His eyes glide down to my mouth when he opens up my lips a little.

'Why don't you turn around?' he asks, his breath raising the hairs on my neck. 'I might be more forgiving if you let me fuck that pretty ass of yours.'

I shake my head hard to get rid of his hand on me. But he brings it down to my throat which isn't much better.

'Get off of me, please', I beg him. I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks. After everything we went through, right now I'm just as scared as I was that very first time. If not more scared.

'I thought you liked it when I touched you', he says, relentlessly keeping his hand on me. 'Was it all just an act to get me to trust you? Can I just say you missed your calling? Because you're a fine fucking actress, Christina.'

'It wasn't an act', I blurt. 'Maybe at first, but when I slept with you, I did it because I liked to be with you. I meant it when I said that I wanted to be with you.'

His grip on my throat relinquishes a little bit, allowing me some more room to breathe. He draws away a little too, to look me in my eyes. To find out if I'm lying or not, I suppose. Yes, I did pretend to like him in the beginning, to earn his trust. But he's one to accuse me of these things. All he's done from the start is trying to manipulate me.

'If anyone's a fine actor, it's you', I say, my voice sounding spiteful.

'Are you calling me a liar?' he asks dangerously.

'Yes', I spit at him. 'You made me believe that you would keep me safe. I actually believed that you cared about me! And then you nearly got me killed!'

'Fucking hell', he says, sounding aggravated. He gives me a little shove, but finally takes his hand off of me and moves a step back. 'I apologized for that shit. I don't apologize to anyone, you know? But to you I apologize again and again, only for you to never let anything fucking go!'

'Fine!' I yell back at him, feeling a little more secure now that there's some space between us. 'I forgive you! And I apologize! I'm sorry I tried to run away, Negan, I really am. Are we good now?'

'No, we're not fucking good!' he shouts. I flinch when he smashes Lucille against the wall, but I quickly recover again.

'No?' I ask sarcastically. 'But I apologized, didn't I? What more do you want from me?'

He runs a hand over his beard, clearly irritated with me. Of course he knows he's a fucking idiot to think that it's all okay just because he said he was sorry. My apology clearly does nothing for him either. Apparently, he's done with it, because he changes the subject.

'I'm gonna need you to tell me where they went. Your fucking sister and those other assholes. We're bringing them back here, or we're putting a bullet in them.'

Despite the fear and anger coarsing through my body, my heart lifts up a little. I wasn't sure if they managed to catch them in the end or not. But if he's asking about them, clearly they got away.

'I don't know where they are', I tell him. It's kind of true. I don't know if they actually made it to the Hilltop.

'Goddammit, Christina', he bristles, quickly moving back to me.

'I won't tell you where they are', I say stubbornly, trying not to cower under his intimidating gaze. 'You can't make me do what you want anymore. You've nothing to hold over my head.'

Ella isn't here. And she's the reason I went along with what he wanted when he made me his doctor. Before, he'd threaten to kill or hurt others at Alexandria as well, but he has no control over the communities anymore. There's no-one he can threaten to make me do as he wants.

'You don't think I can make you do what I want?' he asks, his voice full of contempt. Then he surprises me.

I yell out when he grabs my injured shoulder and forces me down to the ground. The pain surges through my body, making stars appear in my vision for a moment.

'Get on your fucking knees!' he shouts at me.

I'm already on my knees. With my hands still tied, there's no way to fight him.

Once I'm down, he lets go of my shoulder and crouches down to look at me. I almost collapse onto the floor, but he grabs a fistful of my hair and keeps me upright to look at him.

'You will do as I say!' he shouts at me. I try to look away when tiny drops of saliva land on my cheeks, but he won't let me.

'You dedicated yourself to me, remember? I own you! Do I need you to remind me who I am?'

My body trembles and I'm crying so much that it's hard to breathe. But he is relentless. He won't let go of me.

'I know who you are', I say, making sure to bite the words at him. I want him to feel that I have never hated him more than I do right now.

'So who are you?' he shouts into my face.

I glare at him with as much fury as I can, but it doesn't impress him. I'm more scared than I've ever been before, but I won't tell him that I'm Negan. Because I'm not.

'I can't believe I ever cared about you', I tell him softly. The words come out hilted, interrupted by my sobs. But they have an unexpected effect on him.

For a moment, his eyes turn softer. And it almost looks like he regrets his anger. He finally lets me go and the sudden release makes me fall to my side. When I look up again, he's walked back to the door and stares outside with an anguished expression on his face.

When he speaks again, his voice is even. The anger, or any other emotion, gone from it. But he won't look at me.

'Tomorrow, you will work for me again. And you won't cause any problems. Don't fucking test me.'

With a bang, he shuts the door behind him, leaving me alone in the darkness again. I don't mind. I'll take it over his company. I get back into a sitting position and lean my back against the wall, trying to bite through the slowly subsiding pain in my shoulder.

Even though that was horrible, I'm relieved on two accounts.

I am still alive. And Ella got away.