A 'SUB' REQUEST (Cate Blanchett x OC)

Chapter 23: A dinner party

As Cate's Tár shoot was delayed for yet another few weeks due to insane scheduling between LA and Berlin, she had the whimsical idea of inviting me to have a picnic-dinner with Andrew and some of their close theater friends that they still have in common despite the divorce. It was one of those semi-professional, semi-casual get-togethers that would serve as an occasion for her to officially introduce me as her partner to her trusted circle. Also one that wouldn't be too awkward for me and Andrew to be in the same room together - it was Cate's hope that Andrew and I could be on better terms, since we'd always be remotely in each other's lives. I reluctantly accepted. 

When the kids dialed in all the way from Europe on Skype and everyone laughed and said hi, I thought that the evening would go as innocently as their cherubic faces showing up one after another on Cate's ipad. We were all huddled together on Cate's front lawn where Cate and I cuddled for countless nights during the first lockdown, and the weather was getting hot. Cate was in a patterned cotton midi dress, her face shimmering a bit with perspiration. 

"Have you met all the children?" One of her guests asked me. 

"Yes, they're all so lovely," I said. 

"She's great with the kids," Cate told everyone, taking a sip of her champagne, "they ask about her all the time from London." 

"I can attest to that," we all turned our heads - Andrew, with two bottles of vodka in his hands, emerged from the kitchen and joined our little group, "my eldest is taking an interest in piano already because of her." He smiled in my direction. 

Looks like the devil is on his best behavior tonight. That was a surprisingly nice remark that drew some ooh's and ah's from the group. "You have to play for us!" One of them proposed. 

The piano had been moved from Cate's bedroom to the living room to entertain guests for the occasion. "Let's wait until I have more liquid courage in me first," I downed the glass of vodka that Andrew poured me. 

Cate wrapped an arm around my waist, her touch wholesome and tentative because of Andrew's presence. "Take it easy," she leaned closer to me with a wink that no one else saw, "the evening's about to turn into a rave-fest about you." 

As we migrated back indoors and I took my seat in front of the Steinway, I vaguely heard words of praise drifting in my direction. 

"...what a multi-talented young woman..."

"...so much poise in her fingers..."

"I know her boss socially too," Andrew chimed in, "nothing but the highest praise..." 

Even out of my peripheral vision, I could feel Cate beaming with pride but trying not to be an obvious showoff. My fingers were sticky with sweat as I moved them around the keyboard. Phew. Guessed I passed the first test as la girlfriend. 

Until Andrew spoke up again: "She's so down-to-earth at work too - the only one I know in the business who treats her assistants well. Especially one named Thérèse. I heard they're quite close, even." 

I fucked up my playing so badly that there was a palpable silence in the room as all eyes turned to me. I cast an embarrassed smile at the crowd, and realized that Andrew was looking at me in an ominous way that nobody else picked up. Cate, on the other hand, looked completely unsuspecting, and it destroyed me. 

"Sorry!" I stood up and did a little twirl, "Show's over tonight! Catch me again when I'm sober." I waited for a while as the crowd resumed its normal conversation, then I ran upstairs, the blood pounding in my ears drowning all the noise. I locked myself in the bathroom, plopped down on the toilet, and started to weep. 

He knows. He. Knows. But how did he know? I'm not even sure that my boss knows. Maybe he left his laptop open during one of their hookups and Andrew hacked into our company email? Thérèse had sent me a few indecent messages at work, none of which I'd responded to, of course. Or maybe she figured out which Cate whose name I was screaming while I was having sex with her and reached out to Andrew? 

In any case, I was 100% to blame. I had brought this on myself in a moment of weakness, which didn't justify how wrong it was. Andrew knew that exposing me and Cate was no longer good enough for blackmail anymore, so he was threatening to ruin us altogether. I never should've blackmailed him in the first place. I'd never be on good terms with him again. With his children. Cate's children...

As my intrusive thoughts cascaded into a catastrophizing mess, a gentle knock on the bathroom door that brought into sharp contrast how loud my crying must've been to the outside. 

"Darling, are you alright?" Cate's soft voice. 

The silence prolonged into infinity as I couldn't find the right answer to the question. 

"Can you come out of there so I can talk to you? Alone?" she asked again, after about 30 seconds of no response from me.

I unlocked the bathroom door. Instead of letting me out, she let herself in and locked the door. She then sat on the edge of the bathtub facing me, and held both of my hands in hers. 

"...does any of this have to do with...Thérèse?" 

Her perplexed look sent me down a path of no return. It was all gonna come out. Now or never. I owed her. 

"Yes," I stared at the tile pattern on the floor and felt my cheek muscles artificially moving to produce the sounds, "I cheated on you with her...I'm so, so sorry..."

Cate let go of my hands immediately. 

"When?"

"When you were sick with covid. It happened once and was over..." 

"Did it mean anything?" 

The question gave me temporary courage to look into her eyes - and they bulldozed me with the level of hurt in them. "Of course not." 

"Were you ever planning to tell me?" 

"No, I didn't have the guts." 

The words shocked me even as they left my mouth. Cate raised her eyebrows, a caustic cackle left her lips, "...you are capable of honesty after all. So tell me, is there anyone else? Let's lay it all out now. I'd love to get to know the whole harem before you go back to being the liar that you are." 

"...there wasn't anyone else."

"So this Thérèse girl must be good huh. I mean who am I to hold you back if you have better options?"

"I have no intention of ever being in contact with her again. I'll switch jobs if it comes down to -"

"I don't need you to keep switching jobs for me so you can fuck the next assistant. Anything else you're hiding from me?" 

Tears burned my ducts and I took a deep breath, mustering every last ounce of control to stop my voice from shaking. 

"There is one more thing I have to tell you, and just one more thing, I swear." 

"Well?"

"I didn't mean it...when I said I wanted to have a baby with you, Cate," I finally said, "I thought you were going to leave me and go back to your family after you recovered, so I said yes on auto-pilot...I don't know what got into me, I love you and I thought I wanted what you wanted, and I beat myself up really hard for -"

"That's enough." Cate stood up, and I couldn't tell the tears apart from the sweat on her face, "you use the word 'love' so loosely, and it disgusts me." 

"Cate..." I started sobbing again, my face a concoction of tears and snot as I tried to reach for her hand, "please let me explain." 

"What I need you to do right now is to get out of my house." Cate said calmly as she held the bathroom open, "I fly to Berlin next week. Don't try to contact me."