A 'SUB' REQUEST (Cate Blanchett x OC)

Chapter 9: A piano lesson

TW: mentions of coming out and death

"Let's work on Bach's French suite today - I found them uniquely challenging when learning the piano because they each have three voices..." I started delving deep into the nitty gritty of the pieces, not noticing that Cate's attention was more on me than the music the entire time. 

"I love it when you talk about music so passionately," she interrupted. 

My face must've turned red. "It's not hard for me to talk about," I grinned, placing her hands onto the keyboard of her ancient Steinway. Crisp notes of Bach's austere compositions echoed in her spacious bedroom, like pure dew drops into a massive well of our quiet thoughts. In correcting her form, my hands brushed across her wrists multiple time. They were soft and light, with the veins clearly visible, their movement erotic. 

"How did you discover your love of music?" She asked, after we've done three rounds of practice. 

"I've always loved it. In fact, my first ever memory was at a concert that my parents took me to when I was two years old. They said that a concert hall was where I was best behaved - never worried about me crying or getting bored." 

"Really?"

"I promise you. I think Chopin's Piano Concerto No.1 helped me discover the concept of 'flow' as a child. The structure resonated with me so much that I wanted an even firmer grasp of it by going into composing." 

"That's precious. My sons have no interest in any of this - all they want is to go camping or play video games. It's like talking to a wall sometimes when I try to explain the finer things in life." 

"Kids change."

"No - I know my boys. If having two parents in the business doesn't steer them in this direction, they're probably wired for something else. Which I respect. But I wish I had a daughter like you." 

"Wait until I became a teen haha - my mother had a pretty hard time. Let's say I didn't exactly turn out the way she wanted." 

"You're flourishing - she should be proud." Cate said firmly, without a moment of hesitation. 

"She came around the music and showbiz part. She accepted that I was never going into a lucrative career and buying her a house. But the coming out part...she is still struggling with to this day, I think." 

"How did you do it?" 

"I was in college so had to do it over a phone call. I couldn't wait until I came home over the holidays because everything came crashing down that day. I just couldn't stand the thought of not telling her anymore what I had known inside for over a decade. Besides, who wants their child to ruin Christmas by coming out?" 

"Wow."

"She refused to believe it at first, you know like all parents...thinking that I haven't met the right guy yet, because I dressed more on the femme side, because she raised me right, etc." 

"That must've been so tough."

"It was. It got worse for a while before it got better. But I agree with your therapist - radical acceptance was everything. For the longest time, I longed for my mother's acceptance and would get hysterical at the thought that I might never get it. But then I realized that I struggled with it so much because I didn't yet fully accept myself. Once I did, all the other voices faded away." 

"Oh you poor thing..."

"This sounds morbid, but I think about my life after my parents' deaths sometimes. I still love them dearly and feel guilty for even thinking about this, but sometimes I don't think I'll be truly free until..." 

"I totally understand." Cate spared me the pain of uttering the words. 

"Sorry to unload all that onto you," I made every attempt to lighten the mood, "but I think I made a pretty strong argument for why anyone shouldn't wish I were their daughter." 

"I don't buy it," Cate put a hand around my waist and pressed her lips into my neck, "If you were my daughter, I would've spoiled you rotten." I giggled. 

"What about yourself?" I asked, "have you come out to anyone?" 

"Only Andrew and Hylda know, the kids haven't a clue," she uttered softly, "But it's not like I told them voluntarily - they were forced to find out. It was brutal for both of them." 

"So...your makeup artist. Was that the first time you kissed a woman?" 

"Actually no," Cate propped one hand on the lid of the Steinway, "I had also known, for a while. Drunkenly made out with girls at parties in college, didn't go all the way with anyone though. Pretty generic experimentation...then Hylda came along and told me how she felt about me."  

My heart sank. The last person I wanted to talk about.

"Over the years we stuck together and were in a good place professionally. She's always had a fierce protective instinct over me. It may not look like it, but she tries to not let her feelings get the better of her." 

"I hope she doesn't tell anyone about us or our trip in London..." 

"She won't. It's against her interests if anyone finds out. If I were a more commercial actress, perhaps some juicy rumors are good for eyeballs. But Hylda's got big, serious plans for me - she's got her eyes set on another Oscar with Tár, and anything that could make the headlines of a tabloid only sullies my reputation with the academy. You know how Hollywood paints itself as so woke nowadays but deep down people prefer that you live up to a certain...image. Especially the older academy members, who a tricky film like Tár could really speak to. It could be interpreted as a conservative's movie."

"I understand."

"I told Hylda in London that I'd never see you again." She looked at me with a knowing look, "So she or anyone else must never find out about this, okay?" 

"Of course," I planted a brief kiss on her lips and started caressing her back. Her pristine blue eyes cast their fragility onto mine. This. Right now. Us holding each other on the piano bench in the serenity of her house. It was perfect. I'd never let anything come between us. 

"I'm glad we're on the same page about this," she said and then looked at her phone, "by the way, Hylda's getting dinner with your boss tonight." 

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