Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

fifty-two

"Yeah, you're right. I need to stop being such a coward" I sighed.

"It's not about that, I know you're scared to hurt her and stuff. And it's valid. But trust me when I tell you that the more you wait, the more she'll get hurt. I imagine it won't be an easy conversation but it has to be done" she said, rightly.

"True" I said, checking the time. "Okay, she'll be here in like two hours. I have two hours to get over myself and prepare to talk to her"

"That's more than enough. I'm sure you can do it, I believe in you" she reassured me.

"Thank you" I chuckled. "Sorry if I disturbed you, also. I just don't have many other people I can talk to when these things happen, you know"

"Of course you didn't disturb. I'm always happy to hear from you. Let me know how it goes, yeah?"

"Sure will" I replied, feeling relieved. "I'll text you later"

"Great. Bye then, miss you" she said.

"Bye, miss you too" I smiled to myself as the call ended.

She was right, I was only harming the both of us if I kept waiting. And I needed to stop needing people to tell me I was doing something dumb instead of just realizing it myself. 

So I spent the next two hours rehearsing what I was going to tell her in my head, trying not to feel too overwhelmed or anxious.

Unfortunately, I knew Ellie sensed there was something going on with me in the past few days, since she'd been asking if I was alright more than usual. But she never was the type to pressure me into telling her stuff, so I just brushed it off.

"Everything okay?" was the first thing she asked after greeting me with a kiss as she entered my flat.

"Yeah, all good" I instinctively said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I mean...kind of" I admitted.

"What do you mean? What's wrong babe?" she furrowed her brows, following me to the couch. There was no way I was going to tell her everything while standing up because of how dizzy I already was.

"Nothing's wrong" I emphasized the last word. "It's just that, uhm, I've been wanting to tell you something"

"Yeah, you've been acting weird. I figured" she sat in my lap.

"I figured you'd figured" I chuckled.

"But what happened? Did I do something wro-"

"No, it's not about you baby" I intervened. "Not entirely, at least"

"What do you mean? You're worrying me now" she furrowed her brows.

"Well...basically, I...me and- fuck, hold on" I stumbled on my words, to my own surprise since I was usually good with speaking.

"I'm not in a hurry, take your time" my girlfriend said with a concerned face.

"Sorry about that" I breathed in. "Me and Maya talked to each other. Recently. A few days ago" I blurted out, instinctively closing my eyes for some reason.

I opened them back after not hearing any kind of response to see an indecipherable expression on Ellie's face, something between confused and disappointed.

"It's not like that! Nothing...we didn't...I mean. It's not what you might think it is" I added, starting to panic about it all.

"Okay..." she just said after a long pause. "I'm gonna need a bit more context here"

"We, uhm- she texted me. She texted me asking if we could talk. And I didn't reply for like a whole day because I obviously did not want to see her"

"When was this?" she cut me off, moving next to me instead of on my lap.