Andrew, Don't Screw! Editing

Chapter 18: I Hate that You Make Sense

Andrew's POV

Two days since Chris left. Two hours since I landed.

I wait for him to come out. My watch says it's thirty minutes, although I could swear it felt like hours.

"The fuck man. You gotta stop showing up at people's houses unannounced."

"Justin, please. I really need to speak to you."

"I don't want anything to do with you. All I know is Chris has been crying since she's back. She won't tell me what it is but I have a feeling it's your doing."

I look down ashamed.

"Seriously Andrew?" he says incredulously, "The girl drove you to another state in the freezing, stormy night so that you don't have any regrets- what could you possibly do that could mess that up?"

"I was hoping you could help me figure."

He stares at me like I am his prey, contemplating whether to attack or choose clemency.

"Get in. I am only doing this for her." He makes it clear.

And so I do. It's weird to talk about it, especially with Justin. But I let it all out. I want to mend this. Chris is very important- enough that I am willing to get chagrined in front of Justin. I would do it over and over if that's what it takes.

After I'm done narrating everything verbatim, Justin sits quietly beside me, staring ahead.

"Just tell me how to fix this. I'll do anything."

"Don't pursue her." He says shortly and then looks into my eyes.

"What?"

"You asked for my advice and so here it is, let her go."

"The fuck man. Not helping."

He just shrugs. This was not what I was expecting. Well, I wasn't really expecting anything. When Chris left I just sat there numb and confused. I knew I fucked up but could see no way out. I just knew I had to make this right. And I kept thinking- but all my progress led to was another cul de sac leaving me more lost than ever. I didn't realize when we were back on the flight like I didn't realize when I walked myself to Justin's house. All I knew was I had to do something.

"Wait, are you doing this because you have a thing for Chris? Yes. Yes, this must be it. Even though Grace and Chris said you guys are not dating it's possible you like her too and would be happy to shoot me out of the way, right? That's so cruel-"

"Shut the fuck up, Jesus! You think that's what is going on? I liked you, Andrew. Liked as in I am gay."

"Stop making shit up. You used to bully me. Made my life hell in middle school."

"I am sorry, that was not fair." I look up, surprised.

"I know it is no excuse but I was trying to run away from who I was. I didn't know it didn't make a shit of difference to who I was. I didn't know it was normal to feel for other guys. I felt the feelings I had for you were wrong, so I tried to run away from them- tried to hurt you. Fake it till you make it shit."

"Oh."

He laughs, "Ya, oh."

"Sorry I am still processing this confession- you know you are the first to ever said that to me. For all that's worth it kinda feels nice. Thank you man."

His ears taint red and I can't help but smile. "Shut up. Chris tells you all the time. Everyone knows you are her crush."

"Well no. She's sure shown in a thousand ways but I was too dumb to realize. Or rather frankly I was kinda running away, putting it off. Like my subconscious brain knew I would fuck it up- she never said it out loud, and I pretend I didn't notice. Pretty shitty, I know. I have realized it now- and that's why I am here. So Justin, please help me."