MAMI ✔️

Chapter Twelve

HANNAH'S POV

I round a corner up the familiar trail filled with shrubs and cacti picking up my speed as I try to beat yesterday's record. The morning sun is warm instead of scorching hot which makes it perfect to run to. Rocks and bare earth crunch beneath my running sneakers leaving a trail of dust behind me.

Beyonce blasting through my earpods is enough to keep me on course even though my legs are threatening to give out from under me. Anytime I run, I always push myself too hard but it's always with the aim to run faster and further everyday.

I feel the wind as it rushes against my skin, the fresh air in my lungs rejuvenating me from the inside. My heart is pounding hard but I refuse to slow down, as long as it's pumping, I'll keep going.

I love my morning runs, they are peaceful and serene allowing me to be out alone in nature with nothing but wild plants, chill desert air and my own thoughts.

Morning runs used to be something Darius and I did together. It helped us bond and of course keep fit. For a plus size girl, I am pretty fast and it's all thanks to Darius. He got me into working out when he joined the military. The gym didn't do it for me, too many people looking at me and judging me for my size. Yes I am confident in my body now but I wasn't back then. I fought Darius every step of the way until he suggested running.

I hated it at first and used all the excuses under the sun so as not to go.

My boobs are too big, they hurt when I run.

I'm allergic to my own sweat.

And my personal favourite; black people have been running for their lives since time immemorial and now you want me to run for fun?

It was a huge battle between Darius and I but eventually he won and after my body adjusted and I got used to it, I began to love it.

I stopped for a while after I lost him, it was, sometimes still is, painful to do an activity we both enjoyed together without him here. But over the past few weeks I've been reclaiming a lot of things including running. I refuse to put my whole life on pause just because my brother died. Yes we used to enjoy running together but it's something I love so in his memory and for my own health, I let myself start enjoying it again.

This morning my thoughts are filled with Santiago which they always are nowadays but today they aren't good thoughts. Santiago and I haven't communicated in weeks. After my last letter to him, we haven't spoken. He hasn't called or sent me a letter in reply. I was scared that I spooked him with my suggestion of going to visit him but then Diego called me two days ago to ask me if I had talked to him. Apparently Santiago hasn't communicated with him either. It's got us both worried because we have no idea if he is okay in there. Him being incarcerated is making communication tricky.

It's taking me back to the time when Darius was deployed. I was worried about him all the time especially during those times where he would go for weeks without calling with me. He always made it back but it never made the weeks of not knowing any easier.

Now I'm going through the same thing with Santiago but now there are romantic feelings involved. It makes the whole thing suck on a whole different level.

It's hard to believe that someone I've known for only a couple of months and talked to a bunch of times is affecting me so much. Yes we don't talk everyday but he has managed to burrow his way into my heart and refused to budge.

Diego is planning on visiting him over the weekend so I hope he comes back with good news. I just want to be sure that he is okay.

When I eventually make it back to my house, I am out of breath, my feet are burning, my skin is dripping with sweat and I am in desperate need of a shower but I feel good, much better than I did at the beginning of the run.