MELANCHOLY [S.T. B. Hargrove]

22

"It's like he wants to make my life hell," I complain.

"I know," Nancy sighs, rubbing the sheet mask into my face.

"I mean.. he knows that I go to the pool all the time! Why would he go there? Why would he do this to me? I have one place. One place in Hawkins that I claimed and he- ugh!"

My brain goes a million different ways.

Did Billy get a job at the pool to annoy me? Did he go there to watch me? Did he go there in hopes of seeing me at all? Was he trying to stop me from going?

"I don't understand what he wants," I whisper.

"I know," Nancy repeats.

I hated when Nancy repeated 'I know' when I was complaining about Billy.

It'd been a year since Billy threw me out of his house.

A year since I showed up at Steve's house with tears and a backpack.

A year of me having nightmares of the Upside Down.

A year of me crying on Steve and Nancy's shoulders.

A year of missing Billy and loving him from afar.

Nancy would always say 'I know'. It made me think about just how many times I've whined and sobbed to her about Billy. Then, I'd feel like shit because I was making her listen to the burdens I carried.

"I don't understand how I could want to choke him and kiss his stupid face all at the same time," I huff, laying back on Nancy's bed. "I should've stayed at summer camp."

I was only going to visit, but then Nancy and I started catching up.

Her work life was hell.

My.. Billy life..? Was hell.

"Maybe he got the job to feel closer to you," Nancy offers, laying down beside me.

We were laying long ways on her bed, heads and feet hanging off either side.

"He's the one that kicked me out."

"He's also the one that kissed you first. Maybe he's trying to apologize and he just.. doesn't know how to."

Nancy and Steve were the only ones to know about Billy and I kissing. And even that felt like two people too many. Four too many if I counted myself and Billy because what the fuck was that?

I poke a finger through the loop in my hair that Nancy put up.

"Do you miss him?" Nancy asks.

"Is that a serious question?" I scoff.

I'd never missed anyone or anything more in my life.

"I've spent the past year telling Mike the things he's doing wrong with El. I feel like it's happening again," she laughs.

"I've been spending the past year telling Max everything Lucas is doing wrong with her. And here I am, still not knowing what the hell I'm doing in my own life."

Nancy giggles at the thought and I could only cringe at myself.

"Tell me again how you and Jonathan ruined the friendship thing."

"Are you and Billy even considered friends anymore?"

"Shit," I huff. "Enemy thing? I don't know."

"Well.. Jonathan and I were just called out on our shit by this super erratic science dude."

"Science dude," I note.

"And we were stuck sleeping there."

"Stuck in a place together, mhm.."