For my sister | Negan |

49 - The devil

'Are you hurt?' Negan asks worriedly, crouching down beside me. 'Did they get you?'

'I don't... think so', I manage so squeek through my panting. 'But my shoulder...'

Negan lowers his eyebrows when he looks at my shoulder that's clearly out of place.

'Can we fix it?' he asks, sounding concerned.

'Yes.' With effort, I push myself up to a sitting position and lean my back against the wall of the trailer. I try to ignore the sound of dead fingers scratching at the outside, but it's hard to not slip my brain back into panic.

'You need to pop it back', I tell Negan, trying to look at my shoulder. This is going to hurt like hell. I've never had my shoulder dislocated before, but I've helped out several patients and it did not look like something I'd ever like to experience. But we might as well do it now. My arm still won't function properly afterwards, but it won't be completely useless, like it is now. If we need to fight or whatever, at least my chances will be slightly bigger.

'How?' Negan asks gently placing his hands on my injured arm. I tell him where to hold me and what to do and then I brace myself.

'AAAHRG!'

It hurts more than I imagined. For a second, all I see is white, blinded by the pain. But then Negan slowly appears before me again.

'It's done', he says, rubbing my good arm to comfort me. 'Did I do it right?'

'Yes', I say, carefully touching the shoulder to make sure. 'It just hurts.'

'I know', he says, moving to sit beside me. He throws his arm around me to pull me to his side and kisses the top of my head. 'Soon as we get back to the Sanctuary, we'll get you some pain killers.'

When we get back to the Sanctuary? Has he not seen the ocean of walkers between here and there or something? And anyway, I don't need his fucking arm around me. He's the one who got us into this shit.

'How are we going to do that, Negan?' I ask sharply, shrugging his arm off. I can hear the panic in my own voice, but I don't care. I'd say there's good reason to panic.

'We set a fucking foot out there, we're dead!'

I push myself off the ground and hold my sore arm while I wander around the trailer. It's excruciatingly hot in here and only a little bit of light comes through the cracks here and there. Everywhere around me, there's the sound of growling and scratching fingers. I manage to look through a crack in a boarded-up window and all I see is walkers.

'My men will come and get us out', Negan says confidently. 'I'm sure they're getting ready as we speak.'

'How?' I ask desperately. 'How are they going to take out all these walkers?'

'They'll find a way.'

'They might not even know we're in here', I say, panicing more by the second. 'They could think you're dead.'

'Oh my God', I continue, another realisation hitting me. 'Ella could think I'm dead.'

Does she know they brought me out there? Myeong might have told her Simon came to get me. Or is she running through the Sanctuary, desperately looking for me? She must be so scared right now. I should be there for her. I should have refused to come with Simon, I should have fought harder to get out. Negan shouldn't have held me on that platform like a fucking human shield!

'It's going to be okay.'

In my panic, I hadn't noticed him getting up to walk over to me, so I startle when he puts his hands on my waist from behind and tries to pull me in for a hug again.

I don't let him. I take a quick step away and turn around to face him.

'Don't touch me', I snarl at him. 'This is all your fault. I told you we had to go inside.'

'I didn't think he'd open fire', he says, trying to defend himself. 'I was sure that with you there-'

'You should have listened to me!' I cut him off. 'I've warned you before, you push Rick too far he won't stop till you're dead! You knew it was dangerous, but you dragged me out there anyway!'

'You wanna be mad? Be mad at Rick!' Negan retorts, raising his voice as well. 'That asshole could have killed you!'

'And you brought me into the line of fire!' I yell at him, stabbing his chest with my finger. 'All you've been talking about since I got here is how you can keep me safe... I could have died! We could still die! Ella needs me, Negan, I can't die in here!'

Tears run down my face again. If there is a way out of here, I do not see it. All I can do is think about Ella, alone and desperate at the Sanctuary, possibly thinking that I'm dead. And I think about my mother getting torn apart in front of me. That was almost me. It will still be me if these walkers find a way inside.

'No-one's going to die', he says, grabbing my arms, which makes me flinch. Did he already forget about my dislocated shoulder? He quickly lets go again, but looks at me intently.

'They'll come for us and get us out of here. I'm sorry you got hurt, but I saved you, didn't I? I ran straight through that herd to get you and I brought you here, risking my own life.'

I look at him in disbelief. He wants to make himself some sort of hero in this story? I wouldn't have been in any need of saving if he had just let me stay inside.

He must mistake my stunned silence for compliance, because he moves closer and takes my face into his hand.

'I'll make it all up to you once we're back at the Sanctuary. A five-star dinner, spend the whole day in bath, a two-hour massage, whatever you want. We just have to wait it out. And I can think of better ways to kill some time then to keep fighting.'

When he leans in to kiss me, I snap. He really is out of his fucking mind. I use my good shoulder to push him away and since he wasn't expecting it, he actually stumbles back.

'You think you saved me?' I ask him, trying hard not to let my voice tremble. 'You tried to use me to save yourself. All this talk about how much you care about me, but when it comes down to it, you'll always choose yourself.'

He tries to come closer again, but I recoil immediately. I won't have him anywhere near me.

'I've been so fucking stupid', I say, watching him through blurry eyes. 'How could I believe that you care about me? You showed me who you really are the very first time we met. When you grabbed me and you scared me and you made me kiss you when I didn't want to.'

'I told you I'm sorry a million fucking times', he yells at me. 'I do care about you, you know that.'

'You don't know what it's like to care about someone', I bite back. 'All you know is how to use people. If you want to use me, there's nothing I can do about it. But don't fucking lie to me and make yourself out to be some sort of saviour, because you're the fucking devil and you know it.'

I noticed a door behind him. So I storm past him and into the other room of the trailer. Once I'm there, I close the door and sit down against it, so he can't get in.

'Christina', he yells out, banging on the door. I don't respond. It doesn't take long for him to give up. Eventually, I hear him sigh and then the sound of his body sliding down the door. He must have sat down on the other side.

'Fine, Christina', he mumbles from the other side. 'I'm the fucking devil.'