Swapping Spit (Nouis) [under editing]

Chp 17-Explanation

I zone out remembering that incident. I sigh and continue. "He acted like it never even happened though, which I guess was good. Then we were playing tag at the park and we almost kissed again after he tackled me."

I keep pacing around the room. Back and forth. Back and forth. "And that night he had a headache. I think it was from being confused and stressed about all this so I felt really bad because it was my fault. So, I made him tea just the way he likes it, but when I brought it up to him, he asked me to sleep with him. And I couldn't say no, so I climbed in and it felt really nice. It felt so normal. So right. And one night he had a nightmare, and I calmed him down. Then there was a thunder storm, and Louis is terrified of them for some reason, and you know why I'm so confused?" I'm basically screaming out my frustration at this point. "Because Louis totally ignored me the whole storm, Harry was the one who protected him and Harry was the one he went to first. Not me. He led me on, he made me think that maybe, somewhere, he felt something for me too."

"I'm just so confused," my voice cracks and I break down. Tears leak from my eyes, and my breath hitches on sobs. My hand grips a tuft of my hair, threatening to pull it out.

"Come here, baby," Mum motions me over. I walk over and sink onto the mattress beside her, collapsing into her side. She hugs my shaking body tight in her protecting arms. I feel safe in her grip. But everything else is so messed up.

"Want to know what I think?" She asks softly against my hair.

I shrug, still sobbing.

She takes that as a yes. "I think you're going through a really confusing time, you aren't sure of your feelings for Louis, but there's definitely something there. Am I right?"

I nod, "B-but he doesn't f-feel the same way! He thinks we're just friends!"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. What about what I just walked in on? That didn't seem like just friends."

I realize that she's exactly right. A glimmer of hope sparks in my chest and I whipe my eyes.

But then it burns out. "B-but that means I'm gay! I'm not gay! I can't be gay, mum!" I start crying all over again, but worse at this new realization.

"And why can't you, Niall?"

I look at the ground as tears pour down my cheeks.

"Ni?" She tips my chin up to look at her.

"Why can't you be gay?" She repeats.

I shrug. "I don't know. I just-" I don't say what I think. I can't because I'll be shunned, people will hate me, they'll be scared of me. I'll be different and people won't except me. Louis will hate me, he'll be embarrased to be with me and I'll loose him. My family won't like me. Our fans wont like me. Everyone will leave me.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with it Niall. I won't hate you. Greg won't hate you. Your fans will accept it and your bandmates will, too."

"O-ok, but-"

"No buts. Everything will be fine."

"How do y-you know?"

"A mother always knows," she smiles and whipes my tears with her thumb. My stomach suddenly growls. She chuckles at me.

"Go wash up, and then we'll have that big breakfast you and Lou cooked."

I nod and get up off the bed. She does as well and I hug her again.

"Thanks, Mum."

"Anything for my baby boy."

I pull away and beg, "Please don't tell anyone. I'm not ready for anyone to know. I'm still so confused."

"Your secret's safe with me." She smiles and I trust her like I have my whole life.

I smile through my tears and nod. Then she turns and leaves, shutting the door and leaving me to recover.

I head into the bathroom and splash some cool water onto my face. I look into the mirror and freeze, staring at the stranger.

He's got blonde hair, like mine. His eyes are light blue, irritated from crying. His face is young, innocent. He hides a secret. The boy in the mirror is the new me. And this boy likes boys.

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Author's note!

Sorrrrrrry for the long wait! I've been really busy with school stuff but now I'm on spring break so I'll have some time to write! I really like the ending of this chapter, with Niall excepting that he's gay. And I just want to say that I support gay rights and think that love is equal. Soooo... Vote, comment, enjoy, whatever!