Sokeefe - Until She Was Ready For More

Chapter 30

Sophie, in pure panic, threw the notebook across the room to get the evidence out of her hands. 

"What notebook?" she asked, eyes wide, her hands shaking. 

"You can't lie to an empath, Sophie. Not to mention I just watched you throw my journal across the room," Keefe said, his face perturbed, although not without a very slight hint of a smirk pulling at his lips at her feeble attempt to be seen as innocent. 

"Alright," Sophie said, reaching her hand up to tug out an eyelash. "I was reading it. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't think it was that big of a deal at the time," she added, her expression one of pure anxiety.

Keefe sighed, his face starting to flush slightly and his fingers flexing. 

"How much did you read?" he asked so quietly that Sophie had to strain to hear him.

She paused. She couldn't lie to Keefe, she knew that. But she didn't exactly want to spell it out to him that she'd read most of it and knew exactly how he felt about her. 

"To the end of the Lumenaria entry," Sophie whispered, wincing and pulling out another eyelash. Keefe brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth. 

"Seriously, Sophie?" he questioned, his eyes opening to reveal the pure hurt he was feeling in them. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice breaking on the last word. 

"I just can't believe you went through my stuff, knowing that I wouldn't want you to. You knew my gold notebook was off-limits and you went through it anyway." 

"I know." 

"Then why'd you do it?" 

"I-" she faltered. "I don't know."

Keefe sighed again and Sophie dropped her head in shame. 

"Do you hate me now?" she asked quietly.

"I don't hate you, Foster. I could never hate you," he said, softening slightly. "But I do have a right to be angry." 

Silence filled the air between the two, Keefe trying to rein in his emotions and Sophie thinking of ways she could fix things. 

"Just so you know, I thought your drawings were really good," she added softly after a while, trying to extend an olive branch. 

"Don't." 

"Don't what?" 

"I can't do this right now." 

"Do what?" Sophie asked, slightly exasperated by Keefe's vague words. 

"This. I can't talk about this." 

"Well, there's nothing either of us can do to change what's happened in the past hour, so don't you think I at least deserve to talk with you about what I read in there?!"  

"No, Sophie, you don't deserve anything from me right now!" Keefe said, his voice raising and his anger starting to flood in. 

"I don't understand why you're so upset! I just want to talk!" Sophie answered, her voice also starting to increase to a volume close to a shout. 

"You went through my personal stuff and now you want to talk about it? That's not how this works!"

"If the roles were switched, I would talk it out with you!" 

"See, that's where you're wrong, Mysterious Miss F. If the roles were reversed, I would have never looked in the journal in the first place," Keefe said, his voice lowering again to more of a whisper. He realized after a moment that it was the wrong thing to say, the hurt coming off of Sophie in waves, but it was too late to take it back as she started to talk again. 

"And to think I thought I loved you after reading how you supposedly felt about me," she spit, disgust filling her tone, still hurt by what Keefe had said, but more angry about it than anything. 

"Yeah, well, I'm not feeling so in love with you anymore either, but look around Sophie! We're in the future where we're married, if you haven't noticed!" Keefe practically shouted, pushing away the his guilt from his previous statement. 

 "Well, you know what, Keefe? I'm going to change this future when we get home because I can't even stand the thought of being married to you!"

"That's not how this works, Sophie! The future doesn't change!"

"Well I can sure try, can't I?!"

"Fine!"

"Fine! Maybe you really don't deserve to be forgiven and maybe I really don't trust you because you're-" 

"Just shut up!" Keefe yelled, Sophie's voice immediately cutting out, Keefe's ability causing her to obey. 

Pulling out a pathfinder from his cape, Keefe spun to a seemingly random facet and leaped away, leaving Sophie voiceless and angry. 

After trying for many minutes to break Keefe's hold on her vocal chords and shout curses at him, Sophie collapsed on the floor, drained and crying. Now that everything had caught up to her, she didn't feel angry, but instead heartbroken. She let herself fall down against the ground further and curled into herself, her sobs and hiccups soundless. 

What have I done?

***

Keefe stumbled into the building, his feet quickly taking him to the staircase as he called out the number of the floor his room was on. Staggering off of the vortinator and into the room of his choosing, Keefe fell to his knees and finally let his sobs wrack his entire body. 

"You've really messed up this time, Sencen," he muttered to himself, tears still running tracks down his cheeks and neck. 

Keefe turned his head slightly, finding himself looking into a mirror and at himself, only making him feel more broken-hearted. No wonder Sophie didn't want him, didn't love him. All he was was a broken boy with a broken life that broke everything he touched. And whatever this so-called "future" was, there was no possible way it could ever come true. Sophie had been right about wanting to change it, and Keefe could see that now. Sophie was right to want Fitz and not him. He could never make her happy, not when he was so fragmented and lost. And Keefe definitely didn't deserve her now either, not after he'd used her as a punching bag to let out his rage.

A new round of sobs overtook Keefe as he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them.