Sokeefe - Until She Was Ready For More

Chapter 29

Sophie's heart was still beating out of her chest as she brought her hands up to her face. 

"I..." she faltered. "I'm so confused," she whimpered. But, even as she struggled with the rush of new information, Sophie couldn't help but feel as if things felt slightly more... right than they previously had. There was a sense of awareness and peace that hadn't been there before. 

Sophie continued to take deep breaths, trying to calm herself, as she let her eyes wander back to the red notebook. There was another entry on the next page, and it might take her mind off of the war inside her head....

Right, the day of the ten thousand light leaps!

Her mind still reeling, although admittedly less, Sophie switched to the gold notebook again and skimmed through it until she found a drawing of the memory that seemed to be correlated with this entry. It depicted Sophie, Sandor, and Keefe, all bathed in a pink light and a crystal in Sophie's hand, cueing Sophie into the realization that it must have been the memory of when the Black Swan had sent then leaping to all sorts of funky places in order to bait the Neverseen, thanks to Keefe's family crest Lady Gisela had placed a tracker in. 

Switching her focus once more, Sophie continued to read. 

She hid a tracker in my family crest - which, by the way, I'd waited years to have my parents give me. So not only did it turn out that they hadn't finally treated me like I was part of my own family, BUT I'm also the reason the Neverseen showed up at the Black Swan's hideout and tried to steal Silveny (and broke her wing). AND I'm the reason they found that island and tried to grab me and Foster.

Sophie stopped reading and winced, momentarily forgetting her confusion. All she could feel was pain for Keefe, and anger at his awful family - his mother especially - for making him feel that way. Sophie shook her head, trying to swallow the anger burning in her throat. It didn't do any good to be angry at the moment. 

Oh well - at least Foster looks all cute and determined!

Sophie read the last line of the entry, then turned away from the book, blushing. After a moment to let the pink in her cheeks dim, Sophie moved on to the next memory. 

Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah, so.. this was not a proud moment for me. It's pretty much the Worst Idea I've Ever Had - and I've had a lot of really bad ideas. I just... I had to do something. We weren't getting anywhere. And I knew the Neverseen wanted me to join them. So I thought... okay... let me give them what they want - or pretend to, anyway. Then I could find out all their secrets and take them down from the inside out. But it went wrong right from the start - right from this moment. Foster wasn't supposed to be there. 

Sophie again searched the gold notebook for the memory and easily found it. It showed Keefe standing in front of her, protecting her, right before he had joined the Neverseen and light leaped her out of the situation. 

And I'm pretty lucky no one got seriously hurt, and that Foster forgave me. I wasn't sure if she would. Sometimes I still worry that some tiny part of her holds it against me. That she'll never fully trust me. That she'll always see me as the guy who betrayed her and stole from her and ran off with the enemy. I mean... look at her face.... I make myself remember that expression everytime I have to be around Fitzphie. It stops me from screaming, DON'T PICK HIM - PICK ME. 

Any doubt left in Sophie's mind that Keefe didn't love her was erased, and she started to blush again, although still continuing to read. 

Because yeah, Fitz has yelled at her a few times, and said stuff that makes me want to smack him upside the head. But I'm the one one who's made Foster look like this.... Like she's just lost all hope that there's actually good in the world. I did that. Not sure I deserve to be forgiven. 

"Keefe..." Sophie muttered and laughed humorlessly. Only he would deem himself unforgivable, even after everything they'd been through. Sure, it had hurt when he'd betrayed her, but Sophie would never hold it against him. And, sometimes, the person who causes you the most pain is also the person who causes you the most joy. And Keefe had hurt her. But Keefe had also made her so, so happy, happier than anyone else could make her. And that's how Sophie knew she truly did love him, even when she tried to deny it. While she was still confused about everything else, she could at least now be sure of her feelings, thanks to the red journal. 

Sophie started the next entry and, after reading the first couple of sentences, went looking for the drawing and finding it to be the first drawing in Keefe's gold notebook. 

Okay, so I've lived through some pretty scary things. But I've never been as terrified as I was watching Lumenaria fall. I was right there on the beach when the castle crumbled. And all I could think was: Foster's in there. 

Sophie swallowed, her face falling. I never thought of how it would have felt for Keefe, she thought solemnly. 

So I kept running faster, digging through the rubble, screaming her name, begging anyone to tell me something - give me some tiny shred of hope that she was okay, because she had to be. It had to be like her kidnapping - like her planting. Everyone said she was gone forever, but she came back safe. I needed her to be safe again. But she wasn't with the survivors. Neither was Edaline. And one person said they'd seen Sophie run back into the castle not long before it fell.... But then... there she was. I definitely cried after I'd made sure she and Edaline were still breathing.

Sophie made a sound in the back of her throat. She had made Keefe cry. He cared about her that much. 

I know I crack a lot of jokes about Foster's near-death experiences - but there's nothing funny about them. Especially this one. I almost lost her. And if-

Sophie startled from reading the journal as the sound of the door opening caught her attention. Her face froze in a horror-stricken expression. 

"Hey Foster..." Keefe trailed off, the grin on his face when he walked in vanishing. 

"What... what are you doing with my journal?"