ma chérie | cl16

chapter thirty-three

the song of the chapter:
cardigan by taylor swift

Mess.

A terrible mess had been in Adeline's head these past two days. Ever since the conversation with Pascale (intended to be uplifting and supportive from Pascale's perspective), Adeline's head had been spinning with thoughts. She was trying to keep her mind off that conversation, but she simply couldn't. Her mind remained fixated on it.

Charles deserved to be truly loved. That was more than true. Adeline kept thinking about the way Charles had been so respectful and considerate to her the whole time, never crossing any boundaries. No one had ever treated her with such kindness. No one.

There was no denying that Adeline loved every moment spent with Charles. And nobody had made her feel like this—there was a tingling sensation in her stomach whenever he gazed into her eyes or brushed against her skin. She felt like she could catch on fire. And whenever he wasn't around, even for a while, she missed him. And that was starting to feel even more scary.

Because she couldn't become Charles' girlfriend. She couldn't put a label on their situationship, because if she did, it would fall apart. She would let her guard down, and she would allow herself to get hurt. And she couldn't do that. She couldn't go through that kind of pain again.

And what was even worse, if anything happened to their relationship, Charles would get hurt. And Adeline couldn't hurt him. The mere thought of causing him harm was unbearable to her. Charles had been through so many things in his life, and he didn't deserve to get hurt. He didn't deserve someone who wasn't fully committed. He didn't deserve to be treated like that.

He deserved love. He deserved a functional, healthy relationship. Something that Adeline was sure she couldn't give him. Ever.

Adeline took a deep breath, trying to focus on her work, but everything on the screen of her laptop seemed blurry. Frustrated, she shook her head in resignation, closing the laptop and simply abandoning any hopes of productive work. She wasn't even able to focus on work!

Charles had gone off for a meeting with Lorenzo, but he was supposed to be back by any minute now. Adeline understood that she needed to have a mature conversation with him and express her feelings, but she was scared. It was as if a knot had formed in the pit of her stomach, making her feel nauseous.

As the sound of Charles' keys and his cheerful voice reached Adeline's ears, her heart skipped a beat in both joy and distress. Every encounter with him had become bittersweet, causing her almost physical pain. Even though she felt like her intense feelings for Charles were consuming her entire being, deep down, she knew it wasn't enough. She wasn't enough.

He deserved the best. And Adeline knew that it wasn't her.

"Ma chérie? Everything okay?" Charles stepped into the kitchen, finding Adeline leaning against the counter, deep in her thoughts. When Adeline heard Charles' voice close to her, she lifted her gaze from the floor to meet the eyes of the Ferrari driver.

He was wearing a white Puma T-shirt, tight enough to accentuate Charles' body. A charming smile graced his beautifully shaped lips, while the most adorable dimples adorned his cheeks.

"Uh, yeah! Sorry, I'm just working on this case. My mind is somewhere else," Adeline said with a warm smile. However, as she uttered those words, a feeling of guilt washed over her. She realized she just had lied to him. And she hated lying.

"That's okay! Do you want me to get you something? A dessert, a coffee?" Charles asked, getting closer to Adeline. He pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, his fingers gently gliding through her blonde locks.