True Unity

"Cute polka dot bikini"

It's no doubt that wearing certain clothes feels liberating. After last week's fiasco I had to wear longer dresses and leggings. Still validating, but my ultimate dream is to wear a cute swimsuit.

This is spring break, but Canada is still cold as fuck. Still, how epic would it be to wear a bikini to a beach. I don't get bottom dysphoria like some other trans women do. So, would it be weird if I wore a swimsuit? I already made an account at a website to get them ordered online, and since my dad is cheating today, I received another fifty bucks.

I sighed. I wanted to wear a cute ass bikini so bad, but alas, Canada is frigid and cold. I pondered about asking my dad to take me to a beach, Florida or California would be best, but I'm not sure about our American passports so I'd settle for Toronto.
I'll ask dad tomorrow. I thought as I opened the group chat.

(Dapo): Today I went to Walmart and bought some anime T-shirts in the male section. A small win.
(Amy): That's so cool, I heckin hate wearing girl clothes, dresses on my body makes me wanna puke! I only have like 3 T-shirts. 😥
(Dapo): Me too, hate dresses, they look so uncomfortable and constricting.
(Me): That's how I feel with mens clothes. I want to buy swim suits but like I have no beach to wear them to :(.
(Dapo): Well, there's no beaches near here but an outdoor water park opened recently. It's really big and has a big pool.
(Amy): No way! I wanted to go to that for weeks.
(Me): 👍🏻 Okay ordering those bikinis. I have no bottom dysphoria so it's all good.
(Amy): So lucky, I don't even like looking down in the shower.
(Dapo): Wish we could go together but I have to babysit my little sister today. :(
I closed my phone.

I browsed the site for a while, imagining myself in each one. In the end I picked out four matching sets. The first one was leopard print with extra straps, the second was a one piece that had cutouts on the hips. The third was super skimpy, black with pink metal clasps and accents and the last one was ruffled with pink polka dots.

After I accepted the order and put in my credit card info I picked 1 day shipping so I could go in two days. I was so happy. I got up and looked in the large mirror in my bedroom. My boobs are rather small, I haven't gotten my hands on hrt yet, but with a padded bikini top, my thin body looks phenomenal. I have a fast metabolism so my body is tall and thin like a supermodel. I just wish my shoulders weren't so wide. Growing out my hair has done wonders for me, my medium blonde hair is dip dyed maroon and has a few icy blue streaks.
I smiled, I knew I would be excited when the package arrived tomorrow.

I browsed the r/Traaans subreddit. Wholesome memes and Trans support, that's what I needed. I made a post "Getting my first bikinis tomorrow" over a common meme format and got a ton of likes. Many of the comments were cheering me on or wishing they could do the same. I felt happy.

The next morning, I woke up early as usual, 5 am. My mom hadn't left for work yet, she was still getting ready. I rolled over and looked at my clock, I saw it was 6:30 am. I got out of bed. Once again this was spring break, no school at all. I made breakfast. Some eggs and toast. I made some for my mom and dad too. They were always busy, my mom is an office lady and my dad is a self-employed landscaper. That's why he can be home cheating, my mom really doesn't know.
I planned all about my water park trip tomorrow. I made a little Pinterest board with everything, I pondered which of the bathing suits I should wear. It was really between the pink ruffled polka dots on and the black skimpy one.

My package of bikinis came at noon and I tried them all on. The ruffled polka dotted one really worked best, the ruffles covered my flat chest and the design made me feel like a pink princess. I pranced around my room. Then I played some computer games until night time.
Finally tomorrow rolled around, I was so excited. I got into my bikini and put a little cover-up skirt on until I got there. I brought an extra set of clothes for after. I picked out a cute spring green tote bag and some wedge sandals. I slathered myself in suntan lotion and I was ready. My dad dropped me off and the water parks bright colors came into view.
The first thing I did when I was there, after paying for my ticket, was putting my extra clothes in a locker and jumping in the deep pool. The cold water felt so nice, and I genuinely felt comfortable. I swam around pretending to be a mermaid. I was the prettiest mermaid and the best swimmer. I stayed swimming for at least an hour.

Then I wanted to try the tallest slide, I climbed up the stairs, waited in a three minute line and hopped on a yellow raft. The water slide went very fast, I screamed so loud, my voice felt hoarse after. My butt bounced up and down all the way to the end of the slide where I was dunked into the cold pool. I tried all the other slides before getting a hotdog at the stand. I prefer just relish and mustard on mine. The weiners were perfect .

After that I decided to try the lazy river. I went to the tube rack and picked a pink tube. There were tubes of all different colors but pink happens to be my favorite. I hopped on and was able to relax for a while.

That was when the worst part of my day happened. A transphobic man saw me, he was on the tube right behind me. "Disgusting, stop exposing yourself to children like that." I stare over at the bearded man. "I'm not exposing myself, this is a normal bathing suit any girl would wear." He grunted back "Well your not a girl, are ya? You're a man and I can see the outline of your pecker. Disgusting tranny."

I looked away from him and sat there quietly. He looked at me, probably waiting for an argument. I decided to just ignore him and paddle myself further away. I wasn't exposing myself, I was wearing a bathing suit. Why couldn't he just ignore me? I wanted to scream out and tell everyone what he said but I didn't want to cause trouble. The bathing suit surely covered my bottom region, I looked down and saw nothing but a cute polka dot bikini, no outline. Even if there was an outline, it's not like I was actively bothering anyone or being gross. Besides the ruffles over it hid anything that could show, there was no 'pecker' to be seen. After that I became quiet and kept to myself.

Maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I was too indecent for the pool. Then I remembered that cis men wear speedos that are super tight and cis women wear string bikinis sometimes with cameltoe. I had seen both today and there was nobody telling them they were indecent and exposing themselves. That guy was probably just transphobic.

When I got back to my locker I packed up my stuff and got ready to leave. I had a fun day, no doubt. But still, the man who called me disgusting was a jerk. I felt kinda down after that, even though I reminded myself I was perfectly fine and my swimsuit was totally cute. I made a post on Tunblr.

[Do cis people really hate the idea of trans people being happy and feeling themselves? Why are there all these shitty double standards?? I got confronted at a pool today for wearing a swimsuit, like what the hell was I supposed to wear, a turtleneck sweater and baggy jeans? This bathing suit wasn't even skimpy. But if it was, why is it bad for me to wear it when cis girls wear things like that and don't get reprimanded. ]

Dapo sent me a dm immediately.

(Dapo): What happened at the pool, you ok?
(Me): A guy saw me and called me a slur, and misgendered me.
(Dapo): That's terrible, fucking cis people out to ruin every happy moment.
(Me): Yeah, basically.