Self-harm

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" andar aa skte hai???" Chitranjar asked standing at his daughter's doorstep, his heart cried for his daughter's destiny, she has to suffer all of this because of him, and one more time he failed to save her.

"Ji!!" she offered him a sit, he just looked at her for a few minutes without blinking his eyes, she is just a replica of her mother, and her eyes wandered in nervousness.

" chan..da.." he whispered merely with a broken voice, his eyes holding tears of longingness, of guilt, she looks at him and uttered the next words.

" Ratan baba hi humare baba hai, aap unki jagah kabhi nh le skte" she stated making his heart cry in pain, she can feel some connection with the man sitting in front of her but her heart doesn't want to accept, she can see changes in his facial expression.

" hum jante hai humne apk baba hone ka koi farz nh nibhaya hai balki apko dhukh hi dia hai, aur iske liye humare pass koi safayi nh hai, par aap humari beti humesa se thi aur humesa rhegi cahe fir aap hume apna baba mane ya nh,"

" Aapne kyu nh bachaya unhe..kyu nh roka..syd agr woh sb nh hota toh aaj humari zindagi alg hoti," chitranjar steps towards her and kneeled down in front of her.

" hum apk beete hue pal ko wapis toh nh lauta skte hai bas aapse maafi maang skte hai, humne bhut dhoondha apko, kayi varsho tak na jane kha kha par hum safal nh rhe, beta aaj bhi mein tumse khuch mangna chahta hu...hunare jodhpur ka kalyan, sirf aap hai jo ushe nark se bahar nikal skti hai, apk kadamo se ek baar fir wahan barkat hone lagegi,"

" toh aap chahte hai mein apk saath jodhpur chlu, sb khuch chor ke, apni maa, bahi aur apna ghar"

" woh ghar bhi apk hi hai, humara rajya hai jodhpur" she chuckled.

" hume toh aaj tak yahi nh pta ky humara hai ky nh, ki humara koi apna ghar hai bhi ya nh"

" Aisa nh hai beta, mein apko wahan rukne ke liye nh bol rha hu, bas khuch waqt ke..."

" hum chlenge apk saath, lekin khuch waqt ke liye nh humesa ke liye" she stated.

" shehnaaz ye ky keh rhi hai aap, aap ab ek vivahit kanya hai, apk khuch zimmedariyan hai.."

" bhagwan kre jaisa vivah humara hua hai kisi ka na ho, aur zimmedariyan toh tab hoti na jab hume ish ghr ki bahu aur patni smjha jaata, humse toh badla liya jaa rha tha, saalo purana badla"

"Woh galathfehmi thi unki, waise bure nh hai woh"

" Bure toh bilkul bhi nh hai woh, un jaise naik insan, jo sbki madad kre, apne rajya ke baare mein sbse zyada soche, apni khushiyan gawa kar unka dhukh sune..bure nh hai, par unhone jo humare saath kia hai woh bura hai, unhone humare pyar ka aur vishwas ka mazak banaya hai woh bura hai, unhone jane anjane mein humare kirdar par ungli uthai hai woh acha nh hai, aur unki saza unko milegi"
*************
Sidharth was devasted the least to say, her words ringing in his ears, again and again, telling him about his sin, punching continuously on the rock pillar, his knuckles starts bleeding but the anger had not subsided, calling one of his soldier he handed over the hunter to him removing his kurta

"Hit me" he ordered.

" maharaj mein kese...ye aap ky keh rhe hai, aisa paap na karaye mere haatho"

" humne kha maro warna hum khud krenge" he knows if he let his king do this, he would bit himself vigrously and painfully, taking the hunter with shivering hands he hit slowly on his back.

" haatho mein jaan nh hai, khana nh milta ky" he yelled, the second hit was more painful and with each hit the pain increases tenfold, the guard's eyes carrying tears blurring his vision, he is god for all of them, he did a lot of things for everyone and hurting him like this was his biggest nightmare.

" stop it...." Vaishali yelled taking a hunter from him.

" Bahi sa aap ye kya kr rhe the ye murakhta hai" he ignored her wrapping his chaddar.

" apne aap ko dhukh dene se ky hoga," she asked stopping his way.

" vaishali abhi nh beta, baad mein baat krte hai, hume khuch kaam hai karyalya mein"

" Rajya ki suraksha ke liye hume aur satark hona padega, aur iske liye hum chahte hai ki sb rajya walo ka ek pehchaan nama bnwaye, jo log vyapar krte hai unki jhaanch ache se krni hogi, jitne log vyapar karte hai unka alag se parcha bnaye, jo bhi dusre rajya se log aayenge unke upar khaas nazar rkhni hogi, rakshit suraksha ka Jimma tumhara hai, hume ek kachaa naksha bana kar de ki aapne ky socha hai,"

" Maharaj par Amar ke jaane ke baad bhut se logo ne kaam krne se inkaar kar dia, woh log unhe bhut maante the aur unke sardar ko aise bewajah padh se nikalna unko pasand nh aa rha hai, aur woh vidroh kar rhe hai" Devandara told him.

" hum khuch krte hai tab tak aap ek kaam krenge jitne bhi patar yahan se jaate hai sbse pehle aap unhe pdhenge aur agr apko lage ki khuch gadbad hai toh turant hume btayenge, hum apne rajye ki suraksha ko daav pe nh lagne denge"
*************
" Vaishali apko aise bhagna nh chiye dekhiye kitna saans phool gye hai, aap bethe" shehnaaz said trying to make her sit.

" hume nh bethna hai, hum nh jaante aap dono ke beech ky hua hai, lekin woh khud ko chot phucha rhe hai, aur hum apne bahi ko aise nh dekh skte hai," shehnaaz ignored her words and starts making her bed.

" hum aapse baat kr rhe hai, koi farq nh padta na, itni bhi ky nafrat hai ki jo pyar pe haavi ho gyi hai, chlo nafrat apni jagah hai par woh dard mein hai aur hum or aap achi tarike se jante hai ki woh kisi se marham nh lagwayenge, aap krogi na" Vaishali asked with hope in her eyes, shehnaaz wanted to deny but the hope in her friend eyes made her agree.
**************
" Maharaj hai andar," shehnaaz asked the guards, they nod bending down slightly to pay their respect.

She entered his chamber which is dark and not as to his liking, he heard the faint sound of her pajeb and her fragrance hit his nostrils but he didn't move from his place, taking a one lightning diya from the balcony, she lit all of them, she took back steps only to collide with his hard chest, she can feel his breath but had no ounce of strength to face him, she knows whenever he is hurt by himself he chooses self-harm, she told and requested him much time but he never listened to her.

His hand moved her hair exposing her bare back to his eyes, shehnaaz felt the cold wind touching her skin in this hot weather, and her breath got stuck feeling his finger's feathery touch, she tilted her neck giving him more access unaware of her body desires.

" apk saath bitaye har ek pal sache the, dil se the na chahte hue bhi" he voiced out breaking her thoughts as she turned and pushed him slightly.

" Hume apk kisi jhooth par koi yakeen nh hai,"

" toh kyu aayi hai aap yahan" he questioned.

"Vaishali se apne bahi sa ka date dekha nh jaa rha tha bs apne saheli ke liye aaye hai"

" hmm, hum bilkul theekh hai hume kisi marham ki zarrorat nh hai"

" Aise khud ko chot phuchane se dil ka dard kam nh ho jayega, woh dard toh apko bhugtna hoga," she stated removing his chadar with full rights on him.

" humara dard hai hume mat btaye kese sehna hai aur agr dard dena hi hai toh yeh marham ka dikhawa na kro"

" Hum apk dard bhi denge aur marham bhi lagayenge taaki dubara dard ho ske" she said cleaning his wounds.

" hume dard mein dekh skti hai apk aankhein" he questions sensing her shivering fingers.

"Bhut ache se dekh skti hai, aur dekhenge bhi" she said pressing on his wound but he just grinned.

" haath dijiye" she ordered with anger and slightly softness in her eyes, the whole time she is applying the paste on his knuckles he just stared at her face, the way she is biting her lips, the way her eyes carrying tears but she controlled, the way her face is glowing in the dim lights of the lantern.

" aur humare mehel ke khambo ko yu ganda na kre, ye humare purvajo ki dain hai toh zara smbhal ke dhayan se apna gussa aise cheezo pe nikale jisse suryagarh ki darohar par koi aanch na aaye, bhut se tarike aur bhi hai" she voiced out.

" hum dhyan rkhenge," he replied looking into her eyes deeply for a few seconds before she dashed out of the room not able to face anything which could change her decision....

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