In My Skin

CH 35 || Friends

Yet, there was this tiny voice in the back of my head telling me this was too fast. This wasn't what I'd intended. I shut it down.

My back arched. I couldn't get enough of the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands on me. He tightened his grip and with me in his arms, walked us over to the couch and dropped me on the cushions, his mouth never losing contact. One of his hands was in my hair while the other explored my side. I pressed myself against him, stifling a groan.

A thought pushed against the desire that settled over my mind like a thick fog, but I ignored it. Being close to him was so good, it was easy to shut down that little nagging voice reminding me this wasn't how I wanted to go about things.

He lifted his head slightly, trailing his mouth along the corners of my lips. It gave me enough time for some reason to return and I realized the voice was yelling now. I jerked as the panic cut through the haze. This wasn't what I wanted. This was a train wreck about to happen.

Killian halted instantly. His hands stopped and he pushed himself up looking dazed but also a little worried.

It wasn't enough. He was still too close. I couldn't think clearly.

I scrambled up and scooted down the couch, putting a few more inches of space between us.

His brows furrowed but he didn't say anything. His eyes cleared and just watched me with his typical calm steady demeanor.

I, on the other hand, was anything but calm. I felt unsteady as if I was walking a thin line along a narrow cliff. I was always like this. Rushing into things when I damn well knew that wasn't right. This was too fast, way too fast.

How the hell should I explain it when I had no idea what I was doing? God, I was so stupid. It was so stupid of me to get caught up in the moment.

"Tay." His voice startled me out of my spiraling thoughts.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I-I didn't mean to—I mean—"

"Why the hell are you apologizing? If anyone should, it would be me."

No. This was my fault. He didn't force me to kiss him. I should prepare an answer if he argued that point.

"No. I started it but—"

A crease formed between his brows. "Don't explain yourself. If you want to stop then just say so."

Tension stiffened my back. Yeah right. As if it was ever that easy.

Or was he pretending? No, Killian didn't seem like the type. But what did I know? I didn't seem to be the best judge of character sometimes. With guys, I'd never been able to just say so.

The worst thing was that I had started caring about him. I couldn't start something just to cut him off when it didn't work out. It felt too raw, too intense. Which basically meant, I just royally fucked up.

His fingers wrapped around my foot giving it a light squeeze. "You're overthinking. Turn off that head of yours and just come out and say it. Or do I need to push your buttons? You're usually more honest when you're angry."

What could I say? After this, there was no way he'd just go back to being friends and I clearly wasn't ready for anything more, so I'd lose him. Yeah. Every time something good came my way I fucked it up. And it wasn't even my skin this time. It was just me. Because I was a freaking mess.

Killian lounged back, but made no further movements, aside from gently massaging my foot. As if we hadn't just made out. As if we were just hanging. He used that soothing tone of his when he spoke. "You're really close with your neighbor, aren't you?"