The Publicist

I Wanna Be Ya Best Friend

She scrolled through her instagram.

"Aww some of your fans made me their WCW. They've been doing that a lot lately." She admired some of the post.

"Listen to this one from a fanpage called August Is Bae. Our woman crush Wednesday is our Yungin's queen. She is the epitome of beauty and grace. She has stuck by our Yungin during his difficult time and because of her, our Yungin will come back stronger than ever. Their so sweet." She smiled.

"That's making your fucking day ain't it?"

"Are you jealous?"

"No. Just when I tell them all the negative shit you said about them you won't be any bodies WCW to boost your little ego. Them my fucking fans." I joked with her.

She laughed. "Jealousy is not a good look bum. They be scaring me tho. Finding pics I don't even remember I took. "

"That's cause they be lurking."

"And you do to. I wonder if they know you be reading they tweets then act like you don't get on social media. Mm-hmm." She said eating.

"How about you worry about you and your fans? Oops you ain't got none." I got up to fix my own bowl of gumbo.

"I do. It's alsina and jazz nation."

"Ain't no we bihhhh." I sat back at the counter after I got my food.

She squinted her eyes at me.

"Why don't you talk to me like you do DJ?"

"What do you mean? I do talk to you."

"No you don't." I ate.

"Yes I do."

I shook my head. "Certain things you don't open up to me about.
Shit. I want to be your bestfriend too."

"You are. And Like what?"

"What you really feel about certain stuff. You tell DJ everything. It's like with me you quiet about things you really want or things you really feel. You don't open up to me."

"I do." She played with her gumbo. Picking it up with a spoon the pouring it back in.

"You feel like certain things you can't talk to me about?"

"No."

"See you're lying."

"What have I not talked to you about?"

"I asked you a million times what's something you wanted to do, but never did and you said nothing."

"It's not." She looked at me then down at her food.

"You can ask me for whatever you want Jazz. It's not demanding too much."

"I know."

"Then if you know, what's the ideal like gift I could give you. Money not an option."

"You being well." She said softly.

I was trying to get her to say what DJ said but she wouldn't crack.

I looked at her. "You know a closed mouth don't get fed."

"What? I'm serious August. I don't need anything. I have everything."

"What's the barrier between us?"

"There is no barrier."

"I see how you are with DJ and Keke and it's not the same with me."

"That's my friend and my sister August. You're my lover. I relate to you differently than I do them."

"But why? Like you have a certain comfortability with them you don't have me. They know all about your family life. Your wishes. Your desires. What you like. What you don't like. And I sleep next to you ever night and I feel like I don't know the person they know."

"But you do."

"What do you feel about not being able to go on tour with Kendrick?"

"Umm, it's fine. Another opp will come." She shrugged and ate quietly. "I don't regret my choice to take care of you."

While part of that was true, it's not entirely true. It's not entirely true. I heard overheard her telling Keke she was a little disappointed but she had to be here to make sure I was okay.

I felt a disconnect between me and Jazmine and the main source of that disconnect was her fear of being her true self around me.

She feared that if she made the wrong move (ie--- said the wrong thing. Asked for something to big, etc) I would leave her for someone else.

A lot of women are like that. They feel they need to put up a front to be what a man needs, instead of being who they truly are.

So she toted this line with me by only giving me so much of herself. And I didn't like it.

Why does DJ and Keke know your deepest desires but not me?

I guess with DJ she knew she could tell him everything and be herself, and he would always be there and accept and love her.

I had to show her, I was the same way. I wanted her to be as free with me as she was with Him.

But that would only happened if she saw that in a sea of beautiful women, she was the apple of my eye. And I wasn't going to walk off and leave.

That she could be her genuine self and I would still lover her. That should could ask for the world and I wouldn't shoot her down as some gold digger.

"Come with me to Coco tonight."

"I don't clubs like that August. The women be doing too much. I prefer like lounges. More quiet."

"I know. But I haven't been out in a while since I've been sick and I just wanna chill and have fun."

"Just take Knuck and nem."

"I'm going to invite them but I want my girl with me."

She sighed and shook her head.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to go. That club is for like the Instagram model crowd. That's not me."

"It's gon be you tonight. I'm gonna call and tell them to save us a booth. They can reserve us a booth. I'm going to go home just to get some clothes. meet up with Knuck at the studio. Then I'll be back to get you this evening." I emptied my bowl.

"Aight?" I went in front of her and kissed her lips.

"Yeah." She sighed.

I gave her one last kiss on the cheek and left.