For my sister | Negan |

46 - Maybe

'I love your butt', he says. 'One of the reasons I asked you to be with me in the first place.'

I snort in surprise, to which his grin grows wider. But I quickly pull myself together again, because I can't let him distract me.

'But I need you to know that I'm not 100% sure about this. And if I find out that this doesn't work for me, I don't want there to be any consequences if I decide to leave you.'

I have heard some things about his relationships with his wives. Some of them are with him out of convenience, but others are there because they need medication or other important things. And it all falls away if they leave him. I don't want him to hold anything over my head to keep him with me if this doesn't work out.

Negan puts his hand over his heart and takes on a serious expression.

'I'm afraid there will be consequences', he says seriously. 'You'll leave my heart in tiny fucking pieces.'

I shake my head and smile. I didn't think that this man would ever be able to make me laugh when I first met him. Now, it's one of the things I like most about him.

'I'm serious', I say, trying to look it. 'I don't want you to... take Ella's meds away, or I don't know... move us to live in a closet or something.'

'I promise', he says, looking at me more seriously now. 'You can leave me anytime you want and nothing will change for you.'

He's taken a few more steps in my direction and as always, I find myself a little in awe of him. But I stand my ground and nod.

'Good.'

'Not that it matters', he says, taking my face into his hand. 'You won't want to leave me.'

He kisses me. His mouth is on mine before I can protest and his hand is locked firmly on my jaw. With his other hand, he grabs my waist and pulls me closer. Oh, I want to give in to him. In to his touch and his kiss and dive into bed with him. But there's more I have to say.

'I wasn't finished', I say softly when he gives me a chance to breathe.

'I can make you finish', he grins, his lips still close to mine.

'Stop it', I say exasperatedly. I push him away a little to create some more distance and brace myself to tell him about my other condition.

'What is it?' he asks, taking on a more serious tone.

'I know that you told me that you brought me here because you care about me and that you can keep me safe here and all that...' I start cautiously. 'But I can't forget about Alexandria. And neither can Ella. And before you say anything, it's not that we're not loyal to you, because we are.'

Or at least, we can be. If he can agree to this, then I will do it. I will be in a real relationship with him, no pretending anymore. I'll toss our escape plans out the window. Because the truth is that I do want this. I don't want to lose the feeling that I get whenever I'm with him. It's too good to just let go of.

Ella won't be on board, of course. But I'll just have to get her there. With what I'm about to ask Negan, that might actually be possible.

My talk with B has been going through my mind all afternoon and she was right. How can we ever have a real relationship if I'm not free? I want to say yes to him, but this is the only way I'll do it. I'm going to ask him for our freedom.

'So what are you saying?' he asks warily. 'You want to go back to Alexandria?'

'No. Not permanently. But when this is all over and everyone has settled down again, I want you to let Ella and me travel freely from here to Alexandria. And back.'