In the Shadow of Fate

Hope and defeat

The dormitory was empty when I awoke next day. I silently got dressed, thinking the others didn't want to face me, grumpy as I had been. When I made to leave the dormitory however the door flew open, nearly hitting me in the face. Imelda was out of breath "(Y/n) have you seen the notice board?" she asked excitedly.
"How Imelda? I just got out of bed." I said rolling my eyes.
She grabbed my wrist and pulled me along with her. "Well come on then."
Over night two new posters had been put up on the notice board. I could immediatly see which one Imelda was so excited about.

To all students,

We are pleased to inform you that the headmaster has lifted the ban on quidditch.
Trials will be held in the first week of October. Players will please sign up at their head of houses office. Captains will please see their heads of houses to schedule tryouts.

deputy headmistress
Professor Matilda Weasley

"You're going to try out, aren't you?" Imelda urged me. I pretended to hesitate "I'll think about it." I said with a stern expression, knowing it would infuriate her. She gave an exasperated sigh, turned on her heel and vanished up the stairs out of sight. I was still giggling while reading the other poster on the noticeboard. It was an invitation to a harvest festival in hogsmeade on the weekend after Halloween. The poster promised streets full of vendors, live music and dancing. It also encouraged the attendees to wear semi-formal dress robes. Whatever that was.
"What's so funny?" Ominis asked as he came around the corner. I giggled again "Oh I was just annoying Imelda for sport." Ominis turned in the direction of a group of girls nearby "Is that why the other girls are giggling too?"
"No I think they're excited about some festivities in hogsmeade in November." I said. Sebastian had joined us and was reading the noticeboard over our heads. Excitement flittet across his face only to be replaced by something I could only describe as mischief.
"What are you so pleased about?" I asked. He quickly rearranged his expression "Oh just quidditch. You're gonna try out?"
I smiled at him "Of course I am. You?"
"Well technically I'm already on the team, but I'm betting Imelda will make us all try out again anyway." he said with annoyance.

As it was the weekend I decided to spend the day preparing for my trip to the repository. Suddenly a thought struck me. There was one place left I could look for a keeper. The other three may have left their portraits near their pensive chambers too, but Professor Fitzgerald was a former headmistress. Surely she still occupied her painting in the headmasters study.

A few moments later I stumbled into the undercroft. "Sebastian are you in here?"
He was sitting in the niche by the triptych reading a book. Without waiting for his awnser I said "I need to get into the headmaster's study."
Sebastian jumped to his feet "Alright. Let's do it." When I looked at him in suspicion he asked "What's wrong?"
"Nothing..." I said "You just agreed to it so readily, without asking questions first."
He grinned "Well the way you stumbled in here I assumed it was urgent." Still suspicious I said "Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes I am quite well." he frowned.
"Not feeling particularly reckless or vengeful?" I inquired. His expression softened "Don't worry I'm fine. Trust me...after what happened... I not going to let the dark arts rule my emotions again."
I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. Trust him...I turned away from him. Finally he broke the silence "You still don't trust me not to lose it again, do you?" I turned back towards him "It's not that. I just worry about you." but my pleading tone had already given me away. I could sense his anger, but suddenly it was replaced by a look of desperation. "I know I've broken all of your trust. I let you down and I will do everything I can to repent for what I've done." he said in a defeated sort of voice. "I just hope in time you will be able to come to trust me again." I just looked at him. Seeing him like this pained me and I swiftly moved forwards to hug him. His arms closed around me gratefully. A warmth spread through my body and I wished he would never let me go. After a moment however I forced myself to let go. He smiled at me through watery eyes and offering me his hand he said "Now let's get you into Black's office, shall we?"

At the foot of the grand staircase we parted. Sebastian heading for the library and me for the trophy room tower. I had filled him in about my intentions on the way. The plan was for him wreak havoc in the library and me waiting, disillusioned, outside the gargoyle to Black's office for him to come out. Sebastian had a bag from Zonko's in his hand saying "I think it's best you don't know the details. Plausible deniability and such." He winked at me and left.
I had just hidden behind a statue outside the office when I heard professor Black thundering down the stairs muttering about disobedient students.
I rushed past him up the stairs an let myself into his study. It looked the same as it had last year. Making sure professor Black was out of earshot I lifted the disillusionment charm and headed for professor Fitzgerald's picture frame. My heart fell as I saw merely an empty canvas. I took deep steadying breaths as the despair threatened to engulf me. All the excitement I had felt not an hour ago was gone.

I met Sebastian back in the undercroft. "Anything to report?" he asked, but his smile vanished as he saw my tear stained face. "Oh no. She wasn't there?" he rushed forward to hug me. But my feelings were starting to overwhelm me. I gasped for air and I felt my windpipe restricting. I was becoming dizzy.
"What's wrong (y/n)? Talk to me." Sebastian said in a panicked voice.
"I can't breath." I gasped. He lowered me to the ground. "I think you're having a panic attack." he said dropping to his knees in front of me. "Close your eyes...that's right." he took both of my hands "Now breathe with me. In through the nose and slowly out through the mouth."
I did as he told me. "And again" he said. "Listen to the sound of my breathing." In through the nose and out through the mouth. In and out. In and out....
I finally calmed down enough to get into a more comfortable sitting position. Sebastian leaned back against the wall and pulled me towards him. Resting my head against his chest I could hear his heart beating rapidly, but he just sat with me in silence stroking my hair every now and then.