phan oneshots

i'll be good

hello please listen to the song above for full effect ! it is called "i'll be good" by jaymes young.

in which dan and phil were childhood best friends who became boyfriends in middle school. everything was perfect until they reached high school and discovered that not everyone is accepting of two boys being together. dan soon caught on and left phil, joining the popular crowd and shrugging the past off as nothing. in consequence, phil is left without friends and bullied every day for 3 years.

dans POV:

i smirked as i heard chris chatting up a girl, she was quite short with bleached blonde hair and heavy makeup smothered on her face quite unattractively. it was lunch and we were all sat at a table watching as chris lead on yet another girl. his third this week. all of a sudden they were practically eating each others faces, the girl dragging him away probably to make out in the toilets or something. we laughed and started to talk again about whatever gossip was going about the school. i heard a loud smash and the whole room fell silent. i glanced up and my breath caught in my throat at the sight. someone had pushed lest- phil, into a wall causing him to drop his plate. my mates all began to chant quietly and a few got up to join who i now recognised as josh. his fist was clenched tightly and he rose it but i couldn't watch. i turned my head and squinted my eyes shut, trying to block out the small cries of pain i could hear escaping his lips. i felt a hard prod on my shoulder and i turned to see brendon (urie lol) raising his eyebrows at me. "come on mate, we aren't letting him off today." they all looked at me expectantly and i nodded and reluctantly stood up. we walked over to the other side of the hall where phil was currently being beaten. by the time we got there he was on the floor and chris, who had come back from his make out session, was now kicking the life out of him. it took all i had to not leap forwards and protect him, to cuddle him and tell him it would be okay like the old times. but i couldn't, and that hurt me so much.

after about five minutes of beating and cruel words being spat at him, they stepped back almost like they were admiring their work. i tried to stop that feeling of guilt and disgust in my chest but it seemed to grow with every strike and blow his poor, helpless frame recieved. chris stepped forwards and growled in his low voice, "you're worthless. why don't you just kill yourself?" phil looked up, making eye contact with chris, big mistake. chris gave him one last kick to the stomach and phil doubled over coughing and spluttering. phil stood up shakily, looking down this time to avoid any further beatings. "maybe i will." he mumbled in a small fragile voice and he left, stumbling with a slight limp due to his injuries.

he ran out of the room, as well as he could while he was in so much pain anyway. my eyes followed as his black hair disappeared around a corner and the last thing i saw was his tear stained face full of hurt and despair. i knew that he wouldn't hesitate to.. i couldn't bring myself to say it, even if it was just in my head. my eyes darted frantically around the room but nobody seemed to care. they all just continued gossiping about whatever. "i'm going to the toilet." i muttered to whoever was listening before darting out of the room myself, not stopping to see who had noticed. i found myself running down the corridors almost knocking over whatever was infront of me. i wasn't really paying attention to anything, i just ran. it was only then that i noticed the tears streaming down my own face and the small wimpers leaving my lips occasionally. i felt myself crash into one of the fire exits and i began to frantically push against it in attempt to open it. i ignored the searing pain in my side and right arm as i continued to ram my weight against the door. it finally pushed open and i shot off again, trying to get to the main road.

i ignored the many stares i was earning as i kept running.i didn't care about them, not one bit. i only cared about phil. i continued to run until i was out of school grounds and at a sort of cross road. i looked around, everything slightly blurred from the tears welling in my eyes. i tried to come up with a reasonable explanation as to where he could have gone. so many thoughts came to my head but they were all just random and irrational. but those thoughts broke me. they scared me so much to the point at which i felt sick. a thought suddenly popped up and i found myself sprinting away again. back when things were okay, phil and i had this special place. it was our little secret that only we knew about. there was a small cliff overlooking long meadow, it was at the side of quite a busy road but was hidden from the public eye by some trees and bushes which surrounded the small area. i remembered one time when phil had been upset over something or other, he had run off and i had found him there. it was a very peaceful and calming place and since then i had come a few times on my own just to think and relax. i rounded a sharp corner, almost throwing myself into a startled young woman. i bluntly apologised and ran over the busy road, being momentarily deafened by the loud horns sounding from all around. i ignored the shouts and chaos i was leaving behind. i looked up and saw a mop of black hair disappear into the bushes.

phil.

i finally reached the pavement, almost tripping up the curb and practically dived through the bushes. i felt the thorns and twigs scratch at my bare arms and pierce into my skin. i ignored the small pain as it was nothing compared to the physical and mental trauma that i was experiencing. i jumped forwards and was blinded by light, having finally reached open air again. my eyes quickly adjusted and i looked around the small clearing, my breath caught in my throat and i fell to my knees. he wasn't there. i looked down at my quivering hands as more tears flowed, dripping onto the small patch of flowers below me.

i heard a small cracking noise and my gaze shot up. phil. he was stood further down, dangerously close to the edge. i got up and slowly walked over to him but he didn't notice me, he just continued to stare out into the horizon. "phil.." i choked out, my voice unstable and cracking. i saw him tense as he slowly turned around to look at me. i looked into his face to take in his features; his clear blue eyes had lost their usual sparkle, they no longer resembled the swirling, crystal blue ocean. they just seemed dull and lifeless. his cheeks were red and tear stained and dark circles invaded them. his bottom lip quivered as he looked up at me. then the impossible happened. i felt him lunge forwards and wrap his arms tightly around my waist. his head slotted into the crook of my neck and i felt his tears soak through my shirt. we stayed like that for what seemed like forever, although it probably wasn't more than two minutes. he soon pulled back and looked down, refusing to meet my concerned gaze.

i gently held his hand and pulled him towards me, away from the edge. we sat down but he still refused to look me in the eyes. "phil.. look i am so-" i began but his gentle voice cut me off. "why are you here?" he choked out and now it was my turn to avoid eye contact. "because i still care, phil. because i've been such a dick to you for so long and it's not fair. because leaving you in the first place was my biggest mistake." i heard phil scoff and i winced. i was so caught up in making sure that he was okay i never even imagined how annoyed he would be at me. i had continuously blamed others when really it was all my fault. yes they beat him up and yes they made him feel like shit but if i hadn't been such a wuss then he would be okay. i ditched him, i left him alone and didn't even look back in fear of my petty reputation being ruined. this was all my fault and my god did i hate myself for it. i suddenly snapped out of my daze to see phil looking at me expectedly. "s- sorry what?" i said in a small voice that i didn't even recognise as my own. "i said why did you do it, dan?" phil replied and i felt my heart shatter. his voice was so fragile and i just wanted to hug him and make everything better again, but i couldn't. i had been so so stupid and i messed everything up, it felt like nothing would ever be okay again. "i.. i don't know phil. i was just so scared.. i was so used to everyone knowing about us and being okay with it, not caring. when we got to high school, i was so scared of the bullies and homophobes so i left you. and honestly phil that was the worst mista-" i rambled but i was cut off.

"daniel howell don't you dare." he said in a stronger suddenly more confident voice. "don't you dare use that cliche move on me." i furrowed my eyebrows and he rolled his eyes at me. "it was the biggest mistake i ever made and i would do anything to go back and- no." he said in a mock voice. i looked down at my hands and felt more tears fall. "phil I know it's cliche but that's the only way i can express how unbelievably sorry i am i can't.." i said, my voice so small and shakey that i would have probably laughed at me if i was someone else. but phil didn't. he pulled me into another tight hug and i froze in confusion. "i hate you, you know." i heard phil mutter into my neck. "but i could never stay mad at you." i smiled lightly and kissed on top of his head. "i'm so so sorry phil, can we try this again?" i said and phil pulled back lookin at me with a confused expression. "try what?" he said and i internally awed at how oblivious he was. "try us." i whispered softly into his ear before pressing my lips against his soft ones. everything stopped and it felt like we had gone back to the simple days of innocence. the days we spent just enjoying each others company. for years i had longed to go back to those times, those small little things that were soon forgotten but missed oh so dearly. i finally felt back at home and thats where i wanted to stay. but this time i made a promise to myself, that i would be careful. that i would treat phil lester the way he deserved. that i would be good.

wow this is the cringiest shit i have ever written what was i thinking