✅ A Dose of Humiliation

81. Family Dinner

This bonus chapter is dedicated to James. Thank you for your support!

"Harsh words" turned out to be a figure of speech. In fact, Mum and Dad had come to school trying to find out where I was after I stopped answering their calls. Mum had been distraught, and Dad had been angry. There might have been some harsh words, but they'd been emphasised by 'somebody' giving him a kick. Of course, he'd said that just proved that I was hanging around with delinquents, until Mum repeated the gesture and told him it was exactly what he deserved.

But I knew that I would need their help sooner or later, unless I was just going to give up on going to university. And there were just about no jobs now open to somebody without a degree, so that wasn't a real option. No, I needed my family to keep on helping for now. I couldn't bring myself to talk to Dad, though, and I was scared to turn my phone back on when I thought about the type of messages that must be waiting. That would push me over the edge again, I was sure. So instead I asked Elspeth to pass a message back to Walt for me. I cared about him more than I did Mum and Dad now, to be honest, and his presence was the only reason I hadn't followed up any of the legal options for getting these drugs out of my system. I could ask him if they even wanted me back now.

The next day, after school, I was waiting in the courtyard of Pizza Yurt. I told myself that I wasn't going to start eating until he got there, so we could share, but I couldn't help myself. By the time I'd eaten two slices, I felt a little guilty about it, but I told myself that I'd just been hungry. I really did have no self-control now, and that made me even more anxious about what I was going to say. I really didn't want to hurt my little brother.

"Hey," he said when he arrived, and slid onto the seat opposite me. He didn't seem offended that I'd already eaten a third of a pizza with his favourite toppings.

"Hi," I answered. "Take a slice. I figured we can share, right?"

"Thanks. It's weird not having you at home now."

"It's weird being somewhere else, too. But I don't want any more fighting. I can't control my temper now, and I'd just get worse with Dad yelling."

"I worry about you," he said, and then picked up a slice of pizza and started pulling all the pepper pieces off to eat first. Just like always; but I sensed that this time it was more because he didn't know what else to say.

"Thanks. Are they... still mad at me?"

"Dad's shouting a lot," he said, with a half shrug. But I think he's more mad at himself. He knows he fucked up and he's too ashamed to admit it, so he'll try to blame just about anybody else. Doesn't take much to make him all defensive now."

"And Mum?"

"She's scared. I can't understand her really, like she doesn't want to say anything. Trying to hide her feelings, nothing but silence. Leaves the room if I ask about you. I don't know... I wonder if she's thinking about what she would have done in your place."

"She could be," I said. I didn't know much about Mum's life before my parents met, but I knew they'd had a lot of expectations. The life her parents had planned out for her, and she was expected to grow up to be exactly what they wanted, marry some guy that her uncles chose for her, to benefit the family. Running off with a foreigner hadn't been in their plans. I had no doubt that Mum would have been subjected to the Punishment Pill herself, if it had existed when she was my age. So it was easy to imagine that she would feel bad about seeing me torn up like this. Even when I wasn't there, my situation was hurting her.

"Yeah. You know better than I do. I can't imagine it. So..."

"I don't know what I can do," I said. "If Dad talks to me like that again, I know I won't be able to help myself. So I can't see him. But I need..."