✅ A Dose of Humiliation

40. Party Planning

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"We'll have to go over the rules one more time," Dad said sternly. I could have argued, but I just nodded. The last week hadn't really contained any significant stress, and I'd managed to attend my classes sober slightly more often than I lost myself and ended up drunk on the roof, or simply wandering around the school trying to avoid anyone who might want me to follow the rules. Perhaps more importantly, I'd started catching myself before I did something stupid. Now, I felt like I was actually stopping myself more often than my friends managed to catch me, and I felt like that was a real step forward.

In this environment of punishments and rules, it felt like a little triumph that Dad was even letting me out of the house to celebrate Elspeth's birthday with her. He'd said that I could only go if I managed to arrive in all my classes on time today; and he'd called the school to check just as soon as I got home. It felt a little unfair, because my friends had all gone straight to Marcie's house from school, but I knew that my parents probably had some legitimate reason to insist on doing it this way.

"Rules," I said with a sigh.

"Yes. Do you have homework?"

"Not much. A lot of it's group stuff now, so I have to fit it in when other people are there. I can help Marcie with the electronics project tonight. I think a lot of us will spend some of the time helping each other with schoolwork. Like, make it a social thing, we're all in this together."

"I guess that's fine. But I know you have a bunch of math exercises you haven't finished, and you're jeopardising your grades now. So you finish those before you go anywhere. Understand?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Good. Now, your mother's packed a bag for you. Just to make this a little easier. You've got three diapers in there, two spares in case you need to change in the night, as well as your toothbrush, pyjamas, and clean clothes for school tomorrow. And some snacks to share, I don't want to leave the Millers footing the whole bill for this party. You think you can manage to keep track of your stuff and not lose anything?"

"I'm not a little kid, Dad."

"I'll assume that's a 'yes'. Okay then. But we're going to have a couple of extra rules, just to make sure tonight goes smoothly. And I expect you to listen, because this is as much about making things easier for your friends as it is punishing you. First, you can't keep your punishment a secret. You have to tell Mrs Miller about your problem, and some of your friends to so that there's someone who can remind you to put your diaper on if you're not paying attention. Understand? I won't make you tell everyone, because your mother tells me there might be boys there at some point. But you have to let Mrs Miller know about your problem, and enough friends to ensure that you can keep it under control."

I nodded, and waited for him to continue.

"Now, I'm not going to tell you not to drink. It's your friend's birthday, and I would be very surprised if there isn't a bottle of Summer Haze or a wine spritzer floating around. But you only touch alcohol if someone judges that you're sober enough to manage it. And you only ask someone who's sober herself. Understand? You touch alcohol only if someone sober thinks you've been responsible so far."

Another nod; another grunt of acceptance. It seemed heavy-handed, like he might have forgotten that I was already eighteen. But at the same time, I knew that I couldn't trust myself as far as I normally would, and that there was a good chance some of these precautions might actually save me from a year of embarrassment.

"Also, no drugs. I know what you said about having something you want to try, but the time isn't now. There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college. Promise me, you'll not go experimenting with narcotics until you've gotten over this rebellious streak, and until you know someone who has the maturity to keep an eye on you in the case of any serious side effects."