✅ A Dose of Humiliation

23. Safe With Friends

"Did your punishment kick in yet?" There was a text from my dad waiting when I glanced at my phone again. And another, a few seconds later: "Remember you agreed to tell us. If you don't we'll have to assume it didn't work and give the backup dose."

I growled, and texted him back to say that it had worked. I was still ashamed to admit that I'd wet the bed, even knowing that it was what they'd chosen for me. Oddly enough, it was a lot easier to tell Serena. I just said that what happened at Lin's party had been down to the injection, and she understood. She'd known the embarrassing part already, so it wasn't as if I was actually giving in to any further humiliation. But once we'd got to school and she approached me over lunch, I was completely surprised by her response.

"Floodgate?" she asked, voice low so nobody would overhear.

"Yeah. You knew that was possible?"

"I had a guess, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong. I could only think of two things that might have been in your mum's bags. And only one that made sense when you said they were restricting you staying over with friends to manage the effects, but didn't have a problem with you being at school. That's... That's why I made sure I had a spare uniform to lend you. Hope I got the size right."

"Yeah." I shouldn't even have been surprised. She'd been nothing but supportive. "You really researched this stuff. Thank you, I'd have been lost without you."

"What are friends for?"

We quickly changed the subject when Marcie and Elspeth appeared. I let them know that I'd figured out what the punishment was, but I was still too ashamed to say what had actually happened. I just managed to find the words explaining that it was something that should only happen once a day, if that. And I told them that it was something I was ashamed to tell even my closest friends about, which they accepted without a question.

"Whatever it is, we know it's not you," Marcie handed me a note with the words on. She'd given up speaking at all now, and passing notes seemed almost normal. I waited a second while she quickly scribbled the second half of the statement. "It's just what they did to you. It's your dad who should be ashamed of himself."

Everyone agreed; and the topic quickly drifted to other things. But only a few minutes later I noticed a hand next to mine on the table. A male hand, clean and with neatly trimmed nails, but not one I recognised. The hand showed off a golden tan, darker than everyone but me. I turned and looked up.

"Hey, uhh..." He said. I'd seen the guy before, he looked kind of familiar, but I couldn't think of his name. "I tried to say hi Tuesday, but you were in a hurry. Can we talk? I wanted to apologise for Monday night, I don't know if..." He looked around and waved a hand expressively at my friends. He didn't know if I'd told them what happened at the party, which kind of made sense because I didn't know how much I wanted anyone to know about my lack of self control.

"Yeah, we should probably talk," I said, and pushed my chair out. I knew I'd been stupid at that party, even if I wasn't quite sure how bad, and I needed this guy to understand that any stories could go no further. "See you later guys. There's a couple of things I need to clear up. No big deal, right?" I was so nervous that I stumbled as I stood up. My drink went on the floor, but I'd already finished lunch. I might have fallen, but the mysterious tanned stranger grasped my shoulders to support me, and I pretended not to notice how my head was resting against his chest now, or the firmness of his muscles.

I pulled myself out of his grasp and muttered a muted thankyou as he led me away from the table. He seemed like a nice guy, but I still didn't want to be any closer to him than I had to. I didn't need another reminder of that night.

"Drink?" he offered a bottle on the way up the stairs. I wasn't sure where we were going; I was sure that we won't supposed to be up here without a class, but I was too nervous to question it. Maybe there was a convenient nook or something where we could talk without being overheard.

"Thanks. I spilled mine. Don't want to get dehydrated in this weather." I took a swig from the bottle, which looked like orange juice, but the bitter taste made me gag for a second. "Is there alcohol in this?"

"Just a little nip to make the day go more easily," he shrugged it off like it was nothing. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal. I'd always thought drinking at the school was something only the really troubled kids did, but here was this guy, smooth and confident, and he thought it was no big deal. I took another swig, and it went down a lot more easily now I was expecting it. It was a little warming, in a way that felt oddly pleasant. And like he'd said, it was only a little bit. There was no way anybody would notice anything just from a trace of booze in a fruit drink.

On the second floor, between classrooms with world geography posters on the walls, he jiggled the handle upwards on what looked like a janitor's closet, and then opened it. I was surprised to see that it actually led to a long, narrow staircase coated in so much dust that it clearly wasn't used. He held the door for me while I went up first, and for a second I was worried that my butt would be right in front of my face. But it didn't take long to realise that I was being silly there. He'd seen me dancing at that party, where I'd probably been a lot less modest. It wasn't like a little height difference was going to make me any less modest.

"We won't get interrupted up here," he explained. "A few of us use it, our little secret space to hide when we don't want to face the teachers. Good place for talking about things you'd rather keep secret."

"Yeah," I nodded. "Thanks. Uhh–" I realised that I still didn't know his name.

"Josh. You really were out of it Monday, weren't you?"

"I guess. A bit. Sorry."

"No big deal. I remembered your name anyway. You were like the life of the party, so I didn't want to miss out on chatting again."

"I'm not normally so wild. I think the drink got to me more than I expected." I gestured with the bottle in my hand, and realised I was talking about alcohol when I was holding some. So I took another swig to illustrate my point. It tasted pretty good now, sweeter than it had at the top of the bottle. I had to ask what kind of juice this was as well, because it was so good. By the time we stepped out onto the roof, amid a forest of ventilation ducts and pieces of infrastructure I couldn't even recognise, the bottle was empty.

"Yeah. I think maybe I had one too many as well. I don't quite remember what happened, but I woke up with your sock in my pocket. I hope I wasn't being weird. And I wanted to apologise, Lin told me the day after it was your first time at a real party. I didn't realise how nervous you could have mean, because you sure didn't look it."

"Thanks," I said, and blushed a little. I wasn't used to compliments like this. A second later one of Josh's friends appeared from behind a vent, and told me how good I'd looked at the party. About how they'd all been hoping they could ask me to dance, and they wanted me to be their friend once they realised how cool and confident I was. It was really weird to see these guys being so playful, almost teasing, but also half worshipping me at the same time. It felt almost like I was attractive, which was something I'd never really thought of before. I didn't know how to answer, so I just giggled nervously and accepted a flask that was being passed around. I just needed to join in the conversation like everybody else, and I would be one of the cool kids too.

There was something I was missing. Something else I needed to ask, or something I'd forgotten, but I was sure I'd be able to remember if I kept on chatting with these people. Once I'd started to understand the unwritten rules, once I started remembering to pass on the flask without anyone having to ask me, I felt a lot more at home. And I knew that nothing could possibly go wrong while I had friends like these.