The Space Between Us

Chapter 20 ~ Thanks

---Holly's POV---

"Are you sure?" asked Alice, her voice laced with worry.

"Completely," I assured. "My art partner said he'd drive me home tonight, so you two have fun."

"Your art partner? For your Digital Art I project?" said Alice, a huge smile blooming. "You didn't say it was a boy."

"It doesn't matter!" I said defensively. James raised his eyebrows.

"We are discussing this later," said Alice with a nod to herself, as though she was cementing it into the future. "All right, if you're sure you've got a ride, I guess we'll see you later."

"Bye!" I said, waving them off. James turned around and mouthed thank you to me as he walked away with Alice.

I smiled after them. Alice had been way more cheerful than I'd thought about her and James going to dinner without me after the game. I thought I'd have to convince her, but she went willingly. More than willingly, really.

Walking to the student-athlete parking lot, I took out my phone and read the text that River had sent before his game: tan Toyota Camry '09, student-athlete parking lot

We had coordinated this so that I didn't have to drive. It was so nice of him to give me a ride back to our apartment.

I looked around the parking lot for his car, and I heard voices as I walked further through the rows.

Then I saw River, standing near his tan Camry. In front of him stood a taller, older, and angrier version of himself. His dad, I guessed, since they had similar facial features.

His dad was saying something with a deep frown on his face, jabbing a finger into River's chest.

As I moved closer, I made out some of the words.

"-where you live!" his dad was saying.

"I don't have to tell you anything," said River with an anger that I hadn't heard in his voice before. His fists were clenched by his sides. "I don't owe you anything."

"I AM YOUR FATHER!" said his dad, shoving River in the shoulder. "You will tell me where you live!"

"Or what?"

He raised his hand to hit River. "YOU-"

"Hi there," I said, popping in beside River and giving a cute wave.

River's dad dropped his hand and looked at me up and down. "And you are?" he asked.

"Leaving," I said, grabbing River's hand with a death grip and stomping away from his car.

River's dad started shouting in another language, which I guessed was Portuguese since Alice once told me River was from Brazil. I didn't know what his dad was saying in the slightest, but it didn't sound kind. River's grip on my hand tightened, and I realized that we were holding hands this entire time.

I didn't let go of his hand until we got out of the parking lot and were heading back toward campus.

"Holly..." he began.

I stopped walking and faced him. "Let's go to the library. It's a Saturday evening, so it won't be busy. I don't want to go back to your car yet."

River didn't protest. He simply nodded.

We walked into the library, which was practically empty. Only a few students remained in the entire place. I led us into a private study room on the third floor, shut the door, and closed the blinds.

When I turned to River, he was bent over the table, his arms shaking as he leaned on them.

"River?"

I quickly helped him sit down on a chair. I sat beside him as his breathing was suddenly getting shallower. It sounded like he was running.

"Hey, it's okay," I said, unsure of what to say or do. "Just... breathe. It's okay..."

He put his face in his hands. His back was heaving as he struggled to get oxygen, as though he was trying to take in a million breaths at once.

I gently put a hand on his shoulder, trying to let him know that I was there physically with him. I really didn't know what else to do. I felt helpless as I watched him run his hands through his hair and clutch it. His eyes were tightly closed.

After about a minute, his breathing was almost back to normal, and his hands dropped from his face. I let go of his shoulder awkwardly and faced forward, twisting my hands together in my lap.

He put his head on the table, his hair flopping over and covering his face.

"Sorry," he said in a muffled voice.

"No need to say that," I said quietly.

"You aren't supposed to see me like this. No one is."

I felt bad for him. This was a very vulnerable thing for me to see, something he didn't choose to happen. I wanted to let him know that I didn't mind, that I was glad to be there for him...

"I'm here for you," I spoke.

He turned his head, still resting on the table, and looked at me through the streaks of hair falling over his face.

"I'm sorry."

"Here's a good exercise," I said suddenly, clasping my hands together. "My brother taught me this since I say 'sorry' so often. He told me, instead of saying sorry, you should say thank you."

"What do you mean?"

"Um, like... if I was running late, instead of saying sorry a lot, I can say, 'Thank you for waiting for me.' Or, if I took a while to understand something, I'd say, 'Thank you for being patient with me.' It turns your mindset into being grateful and lets the other person know that you are, so they don't feel bad."

River was quiet. After a moment to think, he said, "Thank you for staying with me."

I glanced at him for the first time since the panic attack. His eyes were tired.

I smiled a little. "You're welcome. See? It makes me feel better, too."

"Your brother seems nice," said River in a small voice. He finally lifted his head off the table and ran his hands through his hair a couple of times. His hairband had long ago fallen out.

"We can go whenever you're ready. No rush," I assured.

He nodded and stared at his hands on the desk for a few minutes. I wondered what was going through his mind, but I let him soak in the silence.

Then he stood up, and I followed suit.

"Sorry- I mean..." he searched for the right words, "thank you for finding this place. I wasn't ready to go back to the car."

"You're welcome," I said with a smile. He returned it with a small one of his own.

We walked out of the now-empty library and back to the parking lot. Almost everyone was gone, including River's dad. After making sure the coast was clear, I waved River over. He got in the car, waited until I was in, too, and then drove off.

We didn't say much when we got back to the apartment. Neither of us had eaten since before the game, and although it was quite late and River protested, I finally got him to sit while I made us ramen.

Eating in silence on the couch, I turned on the TV to a dumb game show that was on. It kept us entertained while we ate the cheap noodles, at least.

I put the bowls away when we were done, and River waited to use the bathroom until after I got ready for bed in there. He still needed to shower and wash off all the gross soccer sweat.

When I came out of the bathroom, finally in my comfy pajamas, I saw River at the dining table.

His tired eyes met mine.

"Thank you again. For everything."

I nodded, suddenly feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks, and turned to my door before saying, "Any time."