•𝓖𝓵𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓼𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓾𝓼 - 𝓚𝓪𝓻𝓵𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓯𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭•

𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓹

Short chapter, it's late 😭

Past

It's been about 9 months since me and George met up for the first time. Me and him haven't really spoke about what happened after summer, but...I think we should. It's not awkward between us, George just kinda...moved on? 

As soon as I returned back to America, everything changed. Me and George would talk more, I invited him onto our podcast, we went to twitch con....and...we were dating. No one knew because George didn't really want to tell anyone...Because of his parents I guess. But...I was getting a little restless. He'd avoid physical contact when other people where around, he'd tell people he was super straight , he didn't want me getting too close to him in public when we met up just so no one suspected anything . I was so ready for an open relationship, but it was clear he wasn't. I kept bringing it up when we were alone, and he obviously didn't like talking about it. He'd get angry and say things like; "Why are you mad at me for not wanting to come out yet?!" And I'd always tell him I wasn't and then we'd get into a huge argument about his parents again, and again, and again. Maybe it wasn't working out? Maybe I just needed some space. 

I broke up with George the day after he got his visa. 

He was being super selfish that day. He was so lovable and nice the day before, but as soon as he was on camera, he switched personalities instantly. This is making George sound like an absolute asshole, but he's not. I hadn't told him how I felt, how this whole situation was effecting me. He didn't even seem that upset when I told him I wanted to break up with him, he told me he felt the same ish way, and that he needed some space to figure himself out. I think it was healthy though, it was definitely better than what we had before. 

Present

I got a call today at around midday. It was George. We hadn't really spoken since our breakup, so this was a surprise. It was a video call,  I got up from my bed and fixed my hair, then answered. George was in the car with Sapnap, so it was obvious he'd landed in America. I acted exited for the camera, I smiled and made faces to appease the viewers. But I was still grieving on the inside, I wasn't over George, even though we'd broken up. When the call ended it went back to normal, back to lying in bed doing nothing. Staring at the ceiling, eating unhealthy amounts of food and not leaving my room. Binging tv shows, not opening the curtains, bad posture, 4 hours of sleep. Not showering, crying myself to sleep, scarred thighs and dizzy when I stand up. Food wrappers on the floor, unwashed sheets, un payed rent, dishes on countertops, glasses stacked up on the dresser, crumbs on the mattress, bags under the eyes and...seasonal depression. 

I really shouldn't have to deal with this myself. Hopefully not for long. 

Um so yea thanks for reading (: I should be continuing this tomorrow, or when I come up with a new idea. 💀

Goodnight loves <3