For my sister | Negan |

41 - Burning up

'That's not for you to worry about', he says, trying to dismiss me. But I'm not about to back down so easily.

'But I am worried.'

'Christina', he says, sounding annoyed. 'We talked about this. You're here with me now, you shouldn't concern yourself with what happens with those assholes.'

'I am with you', I say, rushing back to him to grab his shoulders and calm him down. 'I understand now why you did what you did. You're right, you... you've been so forgiving.'

I don't mean that. Though I may have formed a bond with him, the things he'd done are inexcusable. Even if the things Rick has done are inexcusable as well.

'But I've known some of those people for years. I'm sorry if I can't just forget about that. I don't want you to...'

'To what?'

'To kill them', I finish in a small voice.

I'm nervous about his reaction, knowing how he's reacted in the past. But he's surprisingly gentle. He lifts up my chin with his finger and watches me intently.

'I wish you would forget about them. But I'm starting to see that that's a lost cause. It wouldn't be you, would it? You seem to care about everybody, I don't know how you do it.'

'I might even care about you', I say. I meant for it to come out jokingly to lighten the mood a little, but his eyebrows pull together a little when I say it. His eyes twitch from one side to the other, and for a moment I'm scared that I said the wrong thing. But then he just pulls back his hand from my chin and lays it on my waist instead.

'People are resources', he tells me. 'It's not my goal to go around and kill everybody. I just want to get them all in line again. Unfortunately, it's probably gonna take some lives to get there.'

'But what if there's another way?' I ask him, feeling a little desperate at the thought of more people dying.

'Like what?' he asks. Probably just to humor me.

'I don't know', I shrug, trying to come up with something. But I'm no political mastermind, am I?

'Just... maybe, instead of forcing making everybody work for you, can't you form some sort of alliance with the other communities? Work together, share resources. If you want to get back to how it was before, it's going to get bloody, isn't it? And even if you manage it, it's only a matter of time until a fight breaks out again.'

'Work together?' Negan repeats, looking at me like I lost my mind. 'You think Rick would ever want to work together?'

'I don't know', I say, feeling uncomfortable. Honestly, probably not. In some ways, Rick is just as ruthless as Negan. But it would be the best solution for everybody.

'That man looked me straight in the eye and told me he was gonna kill me. If not today or tomorrow, then someday. He was very intense about it.'

'Well, you killed some of his best friends', I say pointedly. 'But if there was a way to make sure no-one else dies, he might take it.'

'Honey', Negan starts in a tone that already tells me where this is going. 'Even if I wanted something like that, Rick would never trust me. It wouldn't work. And I can't risk him being a threat to my people.'

'But-'

'Listen to me', he cuts me off. 'I will do my best to fix this in a way that spares as much lives as possible. I'm spending all my fucking time talking about it. If it were up to Simon, we'd kill everybody and be done with it.'

He brushes my cheek reassuringly when my eyes go wide. I want to say something about that, but he beats me to it.

'But I'm not Simon. I wanna do this right. But I can't control other people's actions. If they continue to fight... yeah, there's going to be casualties.'