Deep End | Discontinued

will i wake up? *unfinished*

i'm so sorry. so. so. sorry. there's talk about suicide in this chapter. like a lot. there is a warning in place. :) also.... you guys should listen to "call your mom" by Noah Kahan for this chapter. have fun kiddos. :)

Dino POV

Pain.

People say that when you have a near death experience, your life flashes before your eyes. That all of the things you haven't done yet fill your head. All the people you are going to leave behind. I have only had two of these experiences, the second one being when a car ran Antonio and I off the road into a tree. Pretty sure everyone knows about that.

But myself and Orlando are the only ones that know about the first one.

I was 13 when I first realized I was bisexual.

I was 14 when I first truly started to like a boy in my class.

I was 15 when I told my former best friend, who then told that boy. As it turns out, that boy that I liked was not into guys but told the entire school that I was. Somehow, word got around to my father in Italy that I wasn't "normal" like him and the rest of my family. My father would randomly call me to make sure that I wasn't dating a boy. He would threaten me constantly and went as far as to cut me out of his will. Obviously, my brothers knew about what was going on. They tried to stop it, but nothing worked.

I was 16 when I had enough.

!!!MENTIONS BEGIN HERE!!!

Two years ago

I snuck in Orlando's bedroom and dug through his emergency medical bag for pain pills. I only found a bottle that was half-empty. Or half-full if you're optimistic. But judging by the situation I'm in, let's go with half-empty.

I pushed it into my pocket and hid it beneath my pillow, planning to end it all that night. I knew my brothers were downstairs, getting ready to eat dinner.

I traipsed down the stairs which seemed a mile long, to the room where I would see my brothers one last time.

I sat down at the dinner table and ate my favorite meal one last time.

I faked a smile that they believed was true one last time.

I laughed with my brothers one last time.

Twenty minutes felt like twenty years. Twenty more years that I wish I had with them.

When you start to talk about killing yourself, people say "Life has so much more to give you." Well, so far life has only given me shit. And when someone gives me shit, I cut them off. Might as well be consistent.

As everyone said good night, I silently said goodbye to them in my mind.

Antonio. My twin. Forever my other half. I could only pray that my end won't cause him to come to his.

Lorenzo. The only brother that might have had a sense of what was truly going on. The brother that will blame himself for the remainder of his life.

Vincenzo. The tough one. The brother that traveled to Italy to make my father stop. I hope he understands how much that meant to me, though I will never be able to tell him in person.

Orlando. The most compassionate of the Angeli brothers. Hence, the easiest to lie to. "I have a headache, can I grab something from your bag?"

Alessio. My brother turned father-figure. The brother that used to protect me from the monsters under my bed, but couldn't protect me from the monsters in my head.

Marlowe. The sister that was lost and never found. I used to lay awake at night and wonder what ever became of her. Maybe, if her heart was still beating, I had met her and never known. If not, maybe I will meet her in less than fifteen minutes.

I said a goodbye to the kitchen which had provided me with food and comfort.

I said a goodbye to the stairs which had provided me with bruises when I was drunk and confident I would make it to the top.

I said a goodbye to the picture of 10 year-old me hanging on the wall, hoping he would find the will to forgive me.

I reached my room, walking to my bed after closing and locking the door. I reached under the pillow, my fingers gripping the orange bottle as I pulled my death out from under the item which had collected tears from my eyes for the past sixteen years. I unscrewed the cap off of both the pills and the water bottle on my bedside table.

After dumping the bottle of pills into my mouth, I took a gulp of water to help them go down. As soon as they reached my stomach, I felt sick. I'm not sure if it was the pills, or if the reality of what I just did was settling in. I quickly stood up and staggered into my bathroom to the toilet, stars dancing in my vision. I collapsed beside the toilet and puked. I puked until I couldn't anymore. And when I couldn't, I forced myself to. I had to get these pills out of my system.

I didn't want to die yet.

But I came to that realization too late.

I have so many things to live for.

Why couldn't I see that before?

What was I thinking?

How could I do this to my brothers?

As I began to succumb to the blackness called Death, I asked myself one last question.

Will I wake up?

Orlando pov

Something was definitely up with Dino. He was silent during dinner. Even Lorenzo realized something was up and he's only 17. The thought was keeping me up. I finally got my mind together and got up from my bed, flicking the lights on. As I was leaving my room to check on my youngest brother, I noticed something off.

My medical bag.

It was open.

My mind immediately went to the worst scenario. I raced into the hallway that seemed a mile long to the room I almost saw my brother one last time.

I opened the door and heard a retching noise then a thud in the bathroom.

——
Hi guys. So I didn't have the strength to finish this book and I know it's been a very long while since an update and I've had this unfinished chapter sitting in my drafts for what feels like forever so I thought it would just post it. This book needs a lot of work, which I might have the mental capacity to fix but that time is not now. My whole life is kind of falling apart as I know it so who knows what will happen. I just know the next year is going to be pretty bad so maybe I will find solace in this book again and will find the strength to rewrite it.

Thank you guys :)

-bumblenature