BTS Oneshots

1. Dandelion | myg

tw// this chapter contains mentions of suicide and implications of alcohol addictions. proceed with this chapter only if you are comfortable with such mentions.
I am not making any claims about BTS members' personal lives through my work, it is all purely fictious.
English is not my first language so please bear with me if I have made any grammatical errors <3

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I smell the strong scent of alcohol as soon as I push open the wooden door of the bar, letting myself inside. The once unfamiliar scent is now one that welcomes me home, dragging me into its cold embrace as I let myself slip out of the pain of reality.
Everything is the almost the same. The waitresses in their mocha-coloured uniforms, the tired bartender, the people inside, drowning their demons in their drink of choice.
Everything was almost the same, but never completely. Nothing would be the same without you.
We met when we were fourteen, and I remember the first words you said to me.
'All humans are like dandelions. We all need to find a reason to feel alive, and when we don't, we leave. Everybody treats death like it's something gory, but the truth is, everybody eventually leaves once we finish our purpose.'
You were only fourteen years old, yet, so much older was your soul. You had been through too much that I hadn't, which was why I never understood the meaning of your words for so many years, until I finally did.
But you were gone by then, and now the biggest remnant of you is now that very sentence ringing in my head, trying its best to fill in the void you left.
'Everyone eventually leaves.'
I accomplished my dreams and more just like you did, I too ended up becoming one of the biggest names in music, you are etched in the lyrics of my song for you were my muse, even though you left before I could show you that.
You left before I could thank you for everything that you gave me, for being the firefly in an endless night that led me home, for being my inspiration, my support system, though I apparently failed to be yours.
I didn't cry when they buried you, I couldn't. That would mean admitting to myself that I didn't work hard enough to keep you here when you made me everything I am today, I didn't cry as I watched your corpse dressed in black for the last time, I don't cry when I remember our memories together.
I know that you just wanted to be happier, so you left, I don't want to hate you for what you felt and why you left; so, I drown you out every day.
Every Friday night that I'd look forward to see you is gone, so I filled in the emptiness by getting drunk. It's not healthy, but that's the only think that keeps me from going insane every night, the only thing that makes it possible for me to get my mind off you and not hate you or myself.
I just wished you would have cared enough to let me make you stay. Dandelions do leave once they finish their purpose, but what if I could have shown you a greater purpose?
I sit down on the counter in the comfort of the same chair I've been sitting in for the past year.
I've sat on this chair for years, drowning you out, but today is different. You expected better of me than this, I know that, and so, I will change.
'The same?' the bartender's raspy voice shakes me out of my daze.
I shake my head as he stares at me, his eyes waiting for an explanation.
'Do you know where I can find a bouquet of dandelions?'
-
Maybe death was never sad for you, or maybe it was just the fact that people going to a place that would have made them happier than we could ever make them, gave you some sort of peace.
I've tried all these years to believe in that, but my heart says something else.
Maybe you believed that I would never make you happy, but I know in my heart that I could. I just wish you had given me a chance.
Maybe not all love stories end with "happily ever after".
Ours never did.
But I can never hate you, even if I hurt because of what happened every day.
Maybe our love story wasn't a story, maybe it was just a chapter and we're turning to a new one.
Maybe the new chapter will be better for both of us, at least that's what I would like to believe in for now. After all, the past chapters are what define the newer ones.
Maybe all of us will end up happy. Maybe our dandelions flew to a better meadow, becoming beautiful flowers.
I hope that's how we ended up. I've loved you, I always will, but maybe I'm holding onto everything and nothing a little too much. Maybe it's time I start a new chapter, I know that's what you would have wanted me to do.
You were a dandelion, my dandelion, thank you for teaching me to find a purpose that you didn't.
'To the love of my life,' I whisper out.
As I slowly lay the dandelions on your grave