Chapter 34

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In the days that followed, the whole kingdom was buzzing with excitement. Plans for the wedding had already begun, though you had no care for what type of flower adorned the banquet hall or the ceremony aisle. Much to Myleth's dismay, you didn't even mind what dress you wore. You were too wrapped up in Thranduil and how happy you felt, to no longer have to suppress your feelings for him, to finally be his. Truthfully, you would have been fine carrying on as you had been. You had no desire to take the place of his late wife and at first it had worried you, that people would think badly of you or the situation itself. Thranduil, however, had assured you that nobody would think anything of the sort, that from what he could see and hear, everybody was more than happy to see their King take another as his bride. You did not want to be Queen and you made that explicitly clear, you only wanted to be his, and Thranduil had taken this very well, as though he had already assumed as such. All you cared about was what came after all the formalities, you just wanted to be with Thranduil forever.

Well...

...for the rest of your life, at least.

The thought stopped you in your tracks on the fifth day and a pain struck your heart as it suddenly fully dawned on you that you would die long before Thranduil, if he ever did. You would age and die and leave him behind.

Your thoughts drifted again to the Elvenqueen. Her chambers in the West Wing. The way Thranduil had locked away every memory of her, every mention of her name and her passing forbidden, drowning in his own grief and misery.

Tears in your eyes, you had sought Thranduil out, finding him in the throne room. He had been surprised by your rather abrupt appearance and, seeing the stricken look on your face, quickly dismissed the people standing below the throne and gracefully stood, moving down the steps towards you.

"My sweet, what is the matter?" He asked, taking your face in his hands and caressing your cheeks with his thumbs.

You felt silly, coming to him this way... especially when you realised that you had interrupted his work. You leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his chest as you wrapped your arms around him. He held you close, running a hand up and down your back comfortingly, tangling his fingers in your hair.

"Tell me." He spoke again a few moments later, pulling back and forcing you to look at him. Worry was written all over his face and you felt horrible to burden him with this, to make your unhappiness his but you knew you would only dwell on it and pull yourself deeper and deeper.

"I just realised..." It felt silly to say you had suddenly realised it when it was so very obvious. On one hand, you knew that it had always been somewhere in the back of your mind, how could it not have been? It was just that... in all this happiness... you had sort of pushed it out of your head altogether. All you had been thinking about was that you would stay here, with him, and your father was safe, and everything had fallen into place.

"Realised what?" He prompted gently, brushing your hair back behind your ears as he studied you. Thranduil didn't say it but he was worried that you had changed your mind.

You sniffed. "I realised that I... that you... Thranduil, I'm a human! You are an elf!"

"Yes." He nodded, looking back at you with a little sigh. It wasn't difficult for his mind to catch up just by what little you said. It had been ever in the front of his own mind as well, after all.

"Does that not bother you?" You asked in a half sob that made him gather you back into his arms, holding you close.

"Shh... oh, my darling." He sighed again, shaking his head as he held you for a while longer and then let go, taking your hand and leading you out of the throne room.

"What about--?" You started to ask, turning back to look over your shoulder, gesturing to the room. He had been working!

Thranduil waved his hand in the air, shrugging as he led you away down the hall. "It matters not." You were more important right now.

Thranduil led you to the West Wing, to the Queen's garden, where he knew no one would disturb either of you and where he knew you would find some comfort. You had grown to love the Starfire Roses and it brought him great joy.

He let go of your hand once you were sitting in the garden by the roses and a small silence fell over you both. Thranduil watched you carefully as you dried your tears and reached out towards the flowers, a few of which had woken up and shifted their attention towards you, as if sensing your sadness. You touched their petals with the tiniest little smile.

"I do not like to see you in such despair." Thranduil said quietly.

You turned to look at him with a little shrug. "I do not want to leave you."

"It would not be for many long years yet." He tried to reassure you.

You gave him a disbelieving look. "Thranduil... the turning of the seasons of my life are nothing to an elf." You turned back to the roses as you felt fresh tears threatening to spill from your eyes. "It will be long for me but not so for you... what if..."

You fell silent again, caressing the petals of the flowers as they stretched their stems towards you, seeming as distressed at your tears as the king sitting beside you was.

Thranduil watched you with a sad frown, able enough to fill in the gaps. "What if I once more become the monster I was when you met me." It was not a question.

"You were not a monster." You said firmly, blinking up at him. "You were dreadfully unhappy. You were grieving. You grieve still... I will only add more."

"Why should that mean we forsake the happiness that these years will bring?" He asked, reaching for your hand.

The roses watched on quietly. If you had looked at them for too long, you might have said that they seemed to be thinking.

"Will it not just make it hurt even more?" You asked, a sob catching in your throat.

Thranduil pulled you to him once more, unable to handle you so crestfallen. "You are worth any pain I will have to endure..." He sighed, kissing your head.

"I do not want to be the cause of any of your pain." You told him, sniffling against his chest, your fingers clutching at him.

"I am afraid, my little human, that it is far too late for that." He murmured, rocking you gently. It did not matter now, after all, whether you stayed or left. There was no choice you could make or unmake - no way in which he could lose you - that would not cause him pain.

The roses watched, listened, and then - when you and Thranduil had finally retired for the night - they talked together beneath the stars.


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